


Learning Us

by gIitch



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Self-Discovery, Warnings in Author's Notes so you can skip NSFW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-05-30 00:39:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 42,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6400633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gIitch/pseuds/gIitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tanaka Ryuunosuke had a lot to learn - about himself, about Ennoshita Chikara, and that "happily ever after" is rarely a direct path.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Act 1: Learning Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Berserkah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Berserkah/gifts).



_"You forgot, didn't you?" the man before him whispered. He had every right to be angry, instead he simply looked amused, smiling softly._

  _Ryuu couldn't get enough of it. "Every word," he confessed, giving a bashful grin in return. Memorizing his lines was half the battle. The other half was not blanking out when his cue came._

  _"I figured this would happen."_

 

* * *

 

 Ryuu was about to start junior high when he first heard the word used as anything other than an insult.

 "I d-didn't choose this," Saeko's friend choked, his voice cracking. "Why does she think I'd choose t-to be... gay?" The word is sharp and followed by a sob, as if it were a dagger slicing through the boy's tongue on its way past his lips, whirring past the wall little Ryuu hid behind and cutting through his ears, leaving his mind to bleed with confusion.  

 It made no sense. It was just an empty word thrown around by the kids at school, used to antagonize other boys when playing games and grumble in frustration when they lost. Why would this high school boy call _himself_ such a small word as if it weighed so heavily on his shoulders? Why was he almost brought to tears by it?  

 His baffled thoughts were so loud in his mind that he missed most of the words Saeko cooed in comfort. He chanced a peek around the corner to find the boy with his head down, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. He was one of Saeko's delinquent-looking friends, with unruly hair, a leather jacket, and ripped jeans. It was strange to see a high school guy that looked so cool and tough on the verge of tears. His sister was smiling, doing her best to be encouraging as she rubbed his back, but Ryuu caught the way she clenched her free hand into a fist.

  _My problems will have to wait_ , he realized, putting his confusion to the back of his mind and instead considering what little things helped him when he wanted to cry. He quietly walked into the room towards the kitchen, only Saeko catching sight of him. She seemed ready to say something to him, but he looked forward, ignoring her gaze as he grabbed two glasses from a cupboard. Hearing the faucet run, the other boy tensed up, but he didn't turn around; it wasn't until Ryuu placed the two cups of water on the table beside them that boy looked up with red, watery eyes.

  _Hey, it's alright_ , Ryuu wanted to say. But he didn't know what was going on, and hell, maybe it wouldn't be alright, whatever it was. So instead of empty words, he placed his hand on the boy's shoulder, giving a light squeeze.  Watery eyes widened at the gesture, at him. Ryuu gave him a nod before turning away and leaving the room. _Not much I can do_ , he thought, _but hopefully knowing Saeko's got his back helps_. 

* * *

 

When Ryuu and Saeko sat down for dinner, she didn't touch her food at first. Instead she melted into her chair, placing an arm over the back and slumping into the seat. "Man, what a day," she sighed, looking up at the phone in her elevated arm. The position was weird, and likely uncomfortable, but she didn't seem to care. "Nothing yet. Guess he's talking with his mum." She sighed again, this time more exaggerated.  "Thanks for earlier, by the way. It helped."

 "What's up with him?" Ryuu caught himself asking, despite telling himself repeatedly it was none of his business.  

 Saeko groaned, rubbing the back of her head, short blonde strands sticking up as a result.  "His mum found out he's gay, and of course she's mad. Go figure." She straightened up in her chair, reaching for her food until she recognized the confusion on her brother's face. "Hey, Ryuu. Do you know what 'gay' is?"

 He shook his head. If it was such a big deal for Saeko's friend, it probably meant more than he expected.

 "You really like girls, right?"

 "Ohf coursh!" he answered a bit too enthusiastically with his mouth full, spitting out some rice. It was no secret that he was rather girl-crazy, even at this age.  

 "Instead of girls, he likes boys."

 Ryuu responded with a blank stare. He didn't quite get it.

 "He wants a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend," she clarified further, causing her brother to choke on his food.

 "But then who will make him cute lunches?!" he managed between coughs.

 Saeko cackled loudly, the furrow in her brow fading away. "You know," she started, pointing at him with her chopsticks. "Boys can make cute lunches too. You should do that when you get a girlfriend, she'd love it!"

 "What about homemade chocolates?"

 "That too."

 He took a big gulp of water before shoving more rice in his mouth, thinking over Saeko's words as she continued laughing, the stress of the day melting away.  He felt a bit foolish for not piecing it together himself; the playground insults and the mockery of getting too close to another boy.  His new answers only lead to new questions.  Why would anyone like boys over girls?   ...Were there girls that liked girls over boys?  Why was it such a big deal if a boy liked boys?  Two boys sounded pretty cool, thinking about it more.  Boys liked video games and action movies.  If they can make each other cakes and cute good luck charms, it was the best of both worlds.  Maybe others were just jealous; he felt a little jealous himself at the idea.

 "Hey. Ryuu," Saeko began, pulling the young boy out of his thoughts. "Sometimes people will make fun of other people for being gay. Don't be like that, alright?"

 He gave her a toothy grin and a thumbs up. "You got it, Sis!" He still didn't really understand it all, but he could get this part.

 He stuck to his agreement, but only that far.  When the boys in class shoved each other playfully, throwing words intended to antagonize, he felt guilt needle away in his chest, and he didn't stop them.  He wasn't scared;  he just didn't really _get_ it.  He'd change the subject, distract them, anything.  But every time he didn't call them out and tell them to stop, he remembered the high school guy with the cool leather jacket with his head in his hands.  Saeko had his back, sure.  But apparently, Ryuu didn't, and he felt like a coward for it.

* * *

 

Leather Jacket's name was Reo, he found out, and he began visiting sometimes, sitting with Saeko in the living room and playing video games. Ryuu wanted to hang out with them because he looked so cool and _was that a bleached streak in his hair, that's so cool_ , but whenever he tried to sneak into the living room, Saeko would shoo him away. He'd hide behind the wall and eavesdrop, mostly because he was jealous and wanted to feel included, but also because he was curious. He couldn't deny he was still confused about the whole "gay" thing. He didn't want to stay quiet in class anymore, but he always felt himself hesitate, the questions that ran through his mind were faster than his words. He was _really confused_ ; both about why it seemed like a big deal and why it was considered so bad with everyone else.

 It never came up, much to his frustration. They talked about movies, manga, and sports. (Usually baseball, but they both seemed rather excited about volleyball. Apparently Karasuno's team was "kicking major ass now".)  

 It took a few visits before Ryuu found his chance, sneaking into the room and stealing Saeko's controller when she excused herself to the bathroom. He shot Reo his best intimidating grin (which is probably not very intimidating for his age), holding up the controller. "Let's see what you got," his first time actually speaking to the teen he'd been eavesdropping on for weeks.

Reo replied with his own intimidating grin, which Ryuu hated to admit was probably much cooler than his own. "Bring it on."

 When Saeko returned, they'd already started their match in the fighting game. She huffed but didn't argue, instead cheering for her little brother. A losing battle, really; Ryuu just mashed buttons, but Reo countered almost every hit expertly. One match after another, regardless of the characters they picked, Ryuu was slaughtered mercilessly. At least Saeko cheered for him the whole way through. "One of us will kick his ass some day, Ryuu!" she laughed, thwacking Reo on the back. 

* * *

 

Several weeks later, instead of the loud slamming of the door that sounded Saeko's entrance, Ryuu heard the doorbell and answered it to find Reo alone.  

 "Saeko got detention," he explained. "She wanted me to tell ya."

 "Why didn't she just call?"

 "She'd need a phone for that," he sighed. "She sorta broke it.  It's a long story."

 Ryuu stepped aside, gesturing Reo inside. "Wanna tell me about it while I beat you at Guilty Gear?" He didn't expect to see the older boy hesitate, considering his options.  "I'm unstoppable with I-No," he continued, donning his best intimidating grin. (He'd been practicing it in the mirror.) "Unless you're too scared, High School Boy."

 Reo returned the grin, stepping through the doorway. "You're on, kid."

 The banter continued, Ryuu managing to keep up the trash-talk despite losing continuously. "So, how'd she break her phone?" he asked when they arrived back at the character select screen.  

 "Ah, yeah, that." Reo picked the 'random' option, as always. _How was he good at every character?  Bastard._ "She got caught texting in class. She's not really good at hiding."

 Ryuu laughed. "Yeah, that's my sis. Doesn't explain the broken phone, though."

  _Heaven or hell_ _, fight!_ the game declared, starting the match. "Well, the teacher wanted to look at her phone. You know those teachers that make you read the texts out loud?"

 "Assholes."

 "Ha!  You got that right," Reo laughed, calmly deflecting all of Ryuu's attacks. _Bastard_. "She didn't want to read the text, so she smashed her phone on the ground."

  _Faust wins!_ the game taunted. "What was she talking about that was so bad?" he raised an eyebrow to the victor in time to catch him brush a hand through his hair, the cool bleached streak falling back in front of his eyes.  

 "We were talking about someone cute in class," Reo laughed nervously.

 "A boy?" Ryuu blurted.  

 Reo's eyes widened before he looked towards the ground. "Yeah. She knew it would cause problems if people knew I like guys," he said quietly. "Guess you did hear me that first time."  

 "Why would it be a problem?" His question was genuine, one that had been poking inside his mind ever since he first saw Reo.  

 "Hell if I know," Reo started. "People don't like it for stupid reasons. It's all bullshit."

 "Why boys, though? Girls are so cute!" he blurted again, his words quicker than his thoughts.

 Thankfully, Reo just laughed. "Yeah, they are. Trust me, if I could pick, I'd pick girls. It would make my life easier."

 "You can't pick?"

Reo ran his hand through his hair again. _His hair is so cool_. "Is there a girl you like right now?"  

Instantly, the mental image of a girl in his class sprang to his mind. Dark hair and a calm expression, eyes focused on the paper before her. He nodded to Reo enthusiastically.  

 "Did you choose to like her?"

 He remembered when he first felt something tighten in his chest. The teacher had caught her sketching, and her calm expression was shattered, replaced with an embarrassed red face and a huff of frustration, showing another side to her. It was also the cutest thing he had ever seen. "It just sort of happened," he admitted, Reo's question clicking in his mind. "So it's like that for boys?"

 "Yeah. Man, I'm glad that worked, I couldn't think of any other way to explain it," he laughed with relief. "Ready to get beat again?"

 "You're on!" 

* * *

 

"I heard Akira is... gay," his friend whispered to their group.

 Before the others could reply, Ryuu retorted. "So what?"

 All eyes were on him now. "But isn't it gross?"

 "Why?" he challenged.  

 "What if he looks at us when we're changing for gym?"

 "Why would anyone want to look at you? Have you looked in the mirror?" he teased.

 The other boys snickered. "Like you're one to talk, baldie!"

 The banter continued, the initial subject forgotten.

 


	2. I. A Rival

Ryuu would sometimes daydream about what it would be like to be in love, and it was nothing short of a shojo manga. He would be caught in the rain, or spring's showering of petals, and he'd lock eyes with a cute girl. Maybe it would be the girl who stares out the window in class, he considered, walking to the stairs his first day at Karasuno. Their eyes would meet, and they'd both feel sparks, her bored expression breaks with shyness as she--

"Whoa, hey," he was brought out of his thoughts by the feeling of falling, interrupted by a strong grip on his arm. He stumbled back briefly before catching his footing.  

Ryuu looked at the stairs he almost fell down in disbelief. It was only a few steps, but with his luck, he'd go down face-first. His heart racing from the sudden nerves of his near-accident, he turned to his savior to find a boy his height. "You should save the daydreaming for after the staircase," the boy remarked, his dark hair threatening to fall in front of his sleepy eyes. His voice floated as if he was the one daydreaming, Ryuu noted.  

"Thanks, man," Ryuu replied sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. He may have been embarrassed, but falling and cracking his head on the first day of school may have been _slightly_ worse. The boy released his grip on Ryuu's arm, leaving a chill. He gave Ryuu a nod with a calm smile before descending the stairs.  

Heart still racing, he exhaled deeply, lightly smacking himself on both cheeks before walking down the stairs. He continued towards the gym, absentmindedly rubbing his arm.  

* * *

 

 _This is it_ , he realized, his gaze falling upon the most beautiful girl he had ever seen when he entered the gym. _This is love at first sight!_  Dark hair past her shoulders, piercing blue eyes hiding behind pink frames. _And those curves!_  He could hardly breathe. Their eyes met; time stopped, the world around him fell deaf to his ears. They were the only two people to exist in that moment. _Just like a shoujo manga_ , the closest he could get to a rational thought. _This connection, this feeling, this is_ \--

She looked away just as quickly as their eyes met, handing some papers to a tall blond man beside her. Time moved again, the sounds of sneakers squeaking and players bickering filled his ears, and the imaginary roses in his mind began to wilt. She barely noticed him.

_That's kind of hot, too._

"And you are?" asked the man with the papers, snapping him back to reality.  

"Tanaka Ryuunosuke!" he announced proudly, holding out his slightly crumpled application. "Wing spiker, I played in junior high."  

Taking the paper, he skimmed the page. "No practice for the first-years today. You need to--"

"No practice?!" a voice from outside the gym called out, rapidly approaching. "Why no- Whoa!"  

Ryuu suddenly found himself with a face-full of gym floor and a weight on his back. "P-p-please date me!" the voice on top of him stuttered, though quite loudly, as whoever collided into him struggled to stand on Ryuu's back and bow at the beautiful girl.

"I saw her first!" Ryuu spun onto his side, knocking the loud boy on top of him over. He fell with a dramatic wail.  

The beautiful girl walked away without a word.

"Are you done making asses of yourselves, or do I need to ban you from practice entirely?"

"Yes, sir!" both Ryuu and his attacker responded, quickly shuffling to their feet. Standing beside him, he got a good look at the other boy. He was _small_ , wide eyes and pale skin that contrasted his black, spiked up hair.  

"And who are you?"

"Nishinoya Yuu!  Libero!" He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a crumpled paper worse than Ryuu's, unfolding it and handing it over.  

The teen quickly scanned the wrinkled page. "Nishinoya, from Chidoriyama? You got the Best Libero Award."

"That's right!" He grinned from ear to ear. Ryuu caught a glimpse of the back of his shirt, reading "Racing Forward" in bold, black characters.   _He's pretty cool_ , he admitted to himself. _I can't lose to him!_

"I'm Kurokawa Hiroki, your captain. We can introduce the rest of the team tomorrow when you're all here. We'll have a practice match between all the first-years to see what you got."  

 _A chance to fight for her love!_ "Bring it on, tiny!" Ryuu declared, giving the libero his best intimidating glare. 

"Who are you calling 'tiny'?!" Nishinoya growled, rolling up his sleeve.

"You'll be on the same team," Captain Kurokawa interjected. "And if you start fighting again, I'll throw you both out indefinitely. You two should use your free time to study."

* * *

 

"She's too beautiful for any one man." Nishinoya sat cross-legged on the floor, browsing the Tanaka family's video game collection. At the mention of studying, the two boys' love rivalry was quickly forgotten and replaced with a sense of bonding over procrastination.  "A goddess amongst us. We're unworthy."

"We shall play our best in her honor tomorrow," Ryuu vowed solemnly.  

"Good idea, Ryuu!" Noya was not one for formality, Ryuu learned quickly. "We'll crush our opponents to prove our love!" He pulled a newer fighting game from the unorganized shelf and slid it across the table to Ryuu. "I wonder if Karasuno has any other liberos."

"Are you worried you won't get to play?" he asked, popping the game into the system.

"Nah," he replied, an excited glint in his eyes. "Have you ever watched a high school game? The saves they make are crazy. If anyone is better than me, I'd gladly cheer them on, and they can play knowing I have their back."

"You're too cool, Noya-san."

"S-stop that," Noya blushed. For all his big talk, he fell apart at compliments. "Are you worried about other spikers?"

Ryuu considered it for a moment. "I'll support my senpai. But if there's any our age," he began, smirking, "I'll crush them tomorrow."

The fighting game could barely distract him from his excitement.  _A game. Competition. Rivalry._ High school volleyball was going to be fun.

* * *

 

 _She's perfect_ , Ryuu decided as he watched the manager work her fingers through her hair, unaware of the eyes on her as she braided the silky strands effortlessly. Sure, he didn't know anything about her beyond what he saw, but he trusted his instincts. She seemed like the quiet type, a calm and collected disposition that Ryuu was a sucker for. Quiet types were the best; it was all the more rewarding when they blushed.

"I see you managed to make it down the stairs," a familiar voice lightly nudged him back to reality.  

Ryuu turned to find his sleepy-looking savior from the day prior. "What are you doing here?!"

He gave Ryuu a calm smile, brushing the dark hair from his eyes. He gestured to the gym clothes he was wearing. "I'll give you three guesses."

He didn't get a chance to retort. "Alright, looks like you're all here. Line up and introduce yourselves, newbies," the captain called out.

His sleepy-looking savior introduced himself first. Ennoshita Chikara, a wing spiker, and if the firm grip that saved his skull yesterday was any indicator, he wasn't weak. _Competition_.

"Tanaka Ryuunosuke," he stated, turning to Ennoshita with a devious smirk. "Wing spiker." Ennoshita raised his eyebrows, looking puzzled for a moment before returning his own lazy smirk, accepting the unspoken challenge. _Bring it on_.

"Kinoshita Hisashi, wing spiker," someone further down the line spoke. When the first-years were done, the total was seven: three wing spikers, two middle blockers, a libero, and someone who was new to volleyball entirely.

"You all met me yesterday," the captain stated. He seemed unenthusiastic like the day before, Ryuu noted. He gestured towards the girl on his left.

"Shimizu Kiyoko. Manager." She spoke quickly and quietly, not bothering to look in his direction. Ryuu felt it appropriate; they were all unworthy of hearing this goddess speak. Ennoshita nudged him with his elbow with a whispered demand to pay attention.

The introductions continued, though not for long. _I thought there'd be more people_ , Ryuu reflected. Volleyball wasn't the reason he chose to go to Karasuno (it was close to home), but wasn't this school a "powerhouse" when Saeko was around? Even if it wasn't anymore, it was rather underwhelming. Hell, there were only three second-years. _But is the nervous one with the ponytail really only a second-year? Was he held back?_

"We'll have a match so we can see what you guys got. Nishinoya, Tanaka, Narita, and Kinoshita, you'll make up one team." Captain Kurokawa declared, looking around the gym at the other members. "Azumane-kun, you'll join the other three."

"M-me?" the nervous second-year stuttered.

"Show them how it's done, Asahi!" the second-year Sugawara chirped, slapping him encouragingly (and hard) on the back, causing him to stumble forward.

"He looks strong," the tall first-year named Narita muttered, despite the scene.

"Don't you worry about that!" With a large grin, Nishinoya pointed a thumb at his chest and shouted confidently, "You've got me!" He turned his determined grin to Azumane. "Bring it on!"  

"Damn, that was cool," Ryuu and Ennoshita blurted simultaneously, one loudly and one a whisper.

Azumane tried to hide behind the second-year named Daichi, who thwarted his attempt by stepping away. "He's half your height, Asahi." His taller friend slumped his shoulders in response.

"LET'S DO THIS!" Ryuu shouted abruptly, Ennoshita jumping back in surprise. Noya joined and the two began shouting excitedly, yet mostly incoherently.  

The captain could only shrug in response, gesturing to the court. "It's all yours."

* * *

 

Standing back on the court was refreshing. His junior high games had seemed over in the blink of an eye; he had grown to love the sport. He had his doubts when he first joined, but all those doubts washed away when his hand first slammed the ball over the net, leaving the satisfying sting of his palm and the craving for more. In that moment he knew the volleyball court was where he was destined to be.

He was rarely nervous on the court, though not immune to the feeling. This was one of those occasions; the giant second-year had transformed from jittery prey to calm predator, his gaze intense and focused, his stance ready. Ryuu looked over at Noya to find his own gaze and stance matching Azumane's, eyes forward and trained on the opponent. It was almost surreal; his loud, tiny new friend and the nervous giant were two completely different people up till this moment. Now they were reflections of each other, two sides of a mirror.

The atmosphere was suddenly much more tense than he was expecting. He tried to imagine them with ridiculous, action anime auras. It didn't help.  

He decided to focus on his own target across the net, who looked just as perplexed by the scene. "Hey, hey!" he called out, startling Ennoshita. "What're you lookin' at?  I'm right here!" he grinned, arms spread out in their own silent provocation.

Something about Ryuu's words seem to startle him even more, confusion spread across his face for a brief flicker before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. The reaction seemed unusual, confusing Ryuu in turn for a short moment before Ennoshita opened his eyes again and returned a smirk. "Should I be worried because there's no stairs to stop you?" he taunted, still wearing his calm smile.

"You'll eat those words," Ryuu hissed, grinning still.  _This is fun._

The whistle blew, and a serve from the other side flew across the court. It was likely just a lucky shot, but the ball was flying to the edge of the court left wide open. _I won't make it in time_ , Ryuu thought, running towards the ball regardless.

Fast as lightning, Noya was there first, effortlessly popping the ball up and towards Kinoshita with eerie accuracy. There was no time to stand in astonishment. "Buzzcut!" Kinoshita called, tossing the ball in Ryuu's general direction. He jumped and slammed the ball against his hand, shouting "Take th--!"

And realizing for the first time that the net is a couple inches higher in high school. The ball nicked the top of the net, still landing on the other side but losing all moment, instead dropping with a lifeless thud to the ground. "Shit," he muttered.

Noya laughed obnoxiously somewhere behind him. "Hey, it's still our point!" he encouraged, smacking Ryuu a bit too hard on the back.

Ryuu caught himself looking in Ennoshita's direction. The teen was laughing, a genuine laugh, not aimed to taunt. He seemed more relaxed; the atmosphere around the court lost it's edge of intensity. Ryuu felt a strange swell of pride for it despite his fluke.

"Hey, hey, don't let your guard down!" he pointed at Ennoshita. "I'm just getting warmed up!"

"Sure," he let out a last chuckle, settling back into a receiving position. "Show me you're not all talk." _That was pretty cool_ , Ryuu had to admit to himself.

The serve came from Ennoshita's side of the court and Ryuu sloppily received it, the ball popping near Narita. The tall teen managed to spike it lightly, impressive considering the setup. Azumane received it cleanly, his extra year of experience evident.  

Ennoshita's hands shook, but his feet didn't falter as he jumped, slamming the ball over the net and past Ryuu's head, just barely missing Noya's fingertips as he dived.  

"Yes!" Ennoshita quietly cheered, bent at the waist and fists clenched in reserved celebration.  

 _Now, now, this quietness just won't do_. "Nice spike, Ennoshita!" Ryuu exclaimed.

Ennoshita's cheeks grew pink. "Now it's your turn."

"I'm just saving the best for last!" Ryuu retorted.

"Don't let the first-years outplay you, Asahi!" Suga called out from the sidelines.

Daichi followed Suga's lead. "If you lose, you're buying us ramen!"

The whistle blew again, and another serve made it's way across the court. The ball was passed a few times to both sides of the court before it found itself set to the giant second-year's path. _His form is good_ , Ryuu noticed, catching a clear view with the large teen directly in front of him. _But this one won't get past me!_ He jumped, meeting the spike dead-on.

What he didn't expect was the power behind it, the momentum not breaking as the ball effortlessly blasted over Ryuu's fingers, leaving a sting in its wake. He turned to see Noya attempt to stop it. Noya's stance and placement were perfect for the receive, but the spike transformed the ball into a weapon, knocking into Noya with a loud thud, throwing him to the ground.

"Noya-san, are you okay?" Ryuu offered his hand to help him up.

He looked completely bewildered, wide eyes fixed on the spiker who defeated him. Ignoring Ryuu's hand, he jumped to his feet effortlessly, pointing at Asahi. "That was amazing!" he shouted. "What junior high did you go to!" It was more of a demand than a question.

"S-seikoudai," Asahi stuttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I remember you now," Noya continued excitedly. "We played against you two years ago. You were strong then too!"

"Thank you," he responded shyly, blushing at the praise.

"No whimpering!" Noya scolded. "Be proud of your spike!"

"Y-yes."

The game continued without much more interruption, the atmosphere light and fun with friendly taunting and cheering on both sides. Ryuu finally got his spike, and quite a few more, always rewarded with a pat on the back from Noya, and a smile and occasional witty remark from Ennoshita.

It was close each time, but Ryuu's team won the first two sets, ending the game. "Guess you weren't just talk after all," Ennoshita conceded. _He still sounds like he's the one daydreaming_.  

"You look half asleep, but you got pretty into it!" Ryuu threw an arm over Ennoshita's shoulders, feeling him tense up for a moment. "Look at those two," he pointed with his free hand towards Noya and Asahi. Noya was talking animatedly to the second-years, all flailing arms and wide smile. Asahi was rubbing the back of his neck again, but seemed more comfortable than he did before the match. "We're gonna make one hell of a team."

"Yeah," Ennoshita agreed. "It'll certainly be interesting."


	3. II. A Defender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryuu learns that it hurts when friends quit the team, and rumors don't change much from middle school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last time the characters will directly deal with any sort of bigotry, so sorry to anyone uncomfortable with the subject. However, the fact that there are people like this will effect characters' opinions and choices.

The Karasuno men's volleyball team had great potential, but lacked spirit, Ryuu quickly realized. The third-years seemed resigned to being the "flightless crows", practicing most days but assuming they'd already lost any matches the future held. Kurokawa was a decent captain, though a bit cold, and not very encouraging. The second-years practiced harder, determined to give it their all. But on days when practice was called early, or even cancelled, Ryuu caught the frustration in their eyes. The third-years' lack of hope had become shackles of despair wrapped around their ankles, slowing them down and holding them back.  
  
His fellow first-years were a good group, for the most part. He got along well with them; Noya had quickly become his closest friend, with Ennoshita there to keep them from getting into too much trouble. Kinoshita and Narita had also become close friends, usually hanging back with Ennoshita. They all came to practice daily, and played hard, but Ryuu wondered if they'd take the extra step if the time came.  
  
The answer to his silent doubts came in the form of a stern geezer who pushed them to their limits. Coach Ukai's return was sudden, his presence was commanding, and his training was tiring. One by one, the amount of first-years dwindled.  
  
When Ryuu opened the clubroom door to see Ennoshita hadn't arrived before him, he felt his body grow cold. Anyone else in his shoes would have been relieved; the guys in his year and position had left, ensuring his spot on the court when the third-years retired. But the ones that quit were his friends, his _teammates,_ and the gym wasn't all that felt empty.

* * *

  
"I need a change," Noya thought aloud. "Something manly. Maybe a piercing."  
  
Ryuu picked through Ennoshita's lunch. "You know what would be cool on you? Bleaching part of your hair." It had become a ritual; Ryuu was trying to learn cooking, key word "trying". It resulted in a lack of food and Ennoshita packing extra for him. "One of Saeko's friends did that. I bet she can dye your hair."  
  
"Oh, great idea, Ryuu!"  
  
"You know what else is a great idea?" Ennoshita interjected. "Bringing your own lunch."  
  
"You two are so domestic," Kinoshita remarked.  
  
Ryuu fluttered his eyelashes dramatically. "Eat up, dear," he cooed in a high pitch, picking up a piece of fish with his chopsticks and pressing it against Ennoshita's lips. Ennoshita glared at Ryuu, keeping his mouth closed. He deftly grabbed the fish from Ryuu with his own chopsticks. "Oh, masterfully done, Ennoshita!"  
  
"Like one of those karate training montages in movies!" Noya piped up. "You know where we could use those impressive skills, Chikara?"  
  
"Don't say it," he responded dryly.  
  
"Ennoshita's already gotten the worst of it," Narita remarked. "You two physically dragged him."  
  
"The gym's so empty now," Ryuu whined. "We miss you guys."  
  
"You quit volleyball?" someone from Ryuu's class asked. He and two of his friends sat by them. They were on the baseball team, if Ryuu remembered right. "Seems like it's happening a lot for each team."  
  
"People quit baseball?"  
  
He nodded. "It's getting too hot. All the casuals aren't bothering to show up anymore."  
  
One of his friends, a kid with messy brown hair, dropped his head low, asking in little more than a whisper, "Did you hear about the basketball team?"  
  
Ryuu had a feeling he knew what the boy was about to say. It had been years since he'd seen Saeko's friend Reo, but the gossip he had stood up against never stopped, and over time, he stopped trying. Where he once felt guilt for his silence, he now felt indifference. But this time, he felt something hit him in the stomach. This time, something was different.  
  
"They found out someone on the team was gay. Good thing the guy quit." _There it is._  
  
He couldn't say what made him glance over at Ennoshita. Maybe Ryuu felt the subtle way he tensed up, biting his lip, hands hidden under the desk clenched tightly. His face otherwise seemed neutral, but Ryuu had come to know him the past months well enough to see past it.  
  
"Why is it good that he quit?" Ryuu asked angrily. His friend was upset, and he would not stand for that.  
  
"Were you listening? It's because-"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, because he's gay," he repeated. "Who cares? The guy just wants to play basketball."  
  
"What if he watched them change in the clubroom?"  
  
Ryuu was so sick of hearing that. "You know what I bet he's thinking about when he's in the clubroom? He's thinking about changing into his damn gym clothes so he can play some damn ball," he spat.  
  
"Why're you so mad!?" the boy argued. "Are you gay?"  
  
That was an accusation he had never heard before; it was no secret that he was girl-crazy beyond average. "I'm not--" he instantly interrupted himself, feeling guilty. Whether he liked boys or not wasn't the issue. "What if I was? What would it matter to you?" he growled, glaring, baring his teeth.  
  
"He's right," one of the other baseball players spoke up, sounding a bit more sympathetic. "It sucks the guy felt he had to quit over that. It would be like quitting cause the team doesn't like my girlfriend."  
  
"No, it's nothing like that!" the boy shouted, his frustration growing. "It's--"  
  
"Enough," the third of the baseball players spoke flatly, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. "If someone wants to play, it's not our business who they're with behind closed doors."  
  
"Whatever," he huffed, shoving away his friend's hand before getting up to walk out the classroom. His friends followed, the sympathetic one giving a small shrug and smile in the volleyball team's direction.  
  
"That was intense," Narita sighed, melting into his seat.  
  
Ryuu was still glaring at the retreating gossiper. "Stop with the faces." Ennoshita lightly tapped Ryuu on the back of his head. Ryuu took the chance to look at his friend. He still wore his calm mask, but no longer bit his lip and his hands seemed to relax, his shoulders less tense. He quickly looked away from Ryuu, focusing his attention on his desk.  
  
"You okay, Nishinoya?" he could hear Kinoshita ask.  
  
He looked over at Noya, who was still facing the door of the classroom though the baseball players were no longer in sight. "Yeah," he answered softly. "That was cool, Ryuu." He sounded distracted, the compliment seeming more like an afterthought. _I wonder what's on his mind._  
  
Before he could ask, the bell rang, and the boys groaned as they stood. "Ah, damn, I'm not done eating my lunch."  
  
"You mean _my_ lunch."  
  
"Admit it, you brought extra for me." He flashed Ennoshita a wide grin.  
  
He had expected some sly remark, or a push towards the door. He hadn't expected Ennoshita to agree. "Yeah, maybe," he confessed, avoiding Ryuu's gaze. "Nishinoya was right. It was pretty cool how you stood up to that guy."  
  
"Ah, it was nothing," he rubbed the back of his head bashfully, still grinning. In truth, he felt guilty about the times he didn't speak up before, his past indifference catching up to him. But there was no sense dwelling on it; he couldn't go back and change his actions. What mattered now was his friend before him. "People shouldn't feel bad for who they like, ya know?"  
  
Ennoshita finally faced him directly, eyes wide in disbelief as if Ryuu had announced a cure for the common cold.  
  
Ryuu walked behind him and placed his hands on his shoulders. "You're going to be late, Ennoshita," he teased, shoving him towards the door.  
  
_I've got your back._

* * *

  
The rumors were inevitable, and died just as swiftly as they started. Ryuu's not-so-secret love of women, though sometimes seemingly overboard, was hard to question. And when he faced the rumors and stares head-on, glaring back, the gossip-mongers quickly grew bored, and bullies never bothered. He was grateful for the lack of drama, but more so for the attention drawn to him. _Let them talk about me,_ he thought. _Better me than my friends or my team._  
  
"Did you hear about the basketball team?" Kinoshita asked at lunch two weeks later.  
  
"Did they stop being assholes?" Ryuu asked, poking through Ennoshita's lunch yet again.  
  
"Turns out, they weren't assholes to begin with. They dragged back the guy that quit."  
  
"Sounds familiar," Ennoshita deadpanned.  
  
"We drag you because we care," Noya chirped.  
  
"Why did he quit in the first place then?"  
  
Kinoshita shrugged.  
  
"Maybe... he felt like he had to," Ennoshita offered, looking down at his desk. "You heard the rumors. That's not nearly as bad as it can get. He's probably worried about what the team thought, or didn't want to cause them trouble."  
  
"That's shitty," Ryuu replied bluntly, startling Ennoshita. "A team should stick together through that kind of thing."  
  
"Not all of the baseball team seemed to agree, Tanaka," Narita pointed out.  
  
He shrugged in response. "Well, I don't think the volleyball team is like that. No one cared about the rumors about me."  
  
"Did they even hear them? They're all in different years."  
  
Noya snorted. "Suga-san said he was going to toss to him more because he heard he 'really loves balls'."  
  
"No way!" The small table broke into laughter.  
  
Realization dawned on him. "What if Shimizu-san thinks my love for her is untrue?!"  
  
"I'm pretty sure she'd be relieved," Ennoshita quipped.  
  
"Harsh, Ennoshita."  
  
"That means my chances have increased!" Noya announced.  
  
"I thought we agreed all were unworthy!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Ryuu," he replied solemnly. "I'll fight on in your honor."  
  
The small group's laughter grew. Ryuu looked over at Ennoshita, satisfied to see him relaxed and enjoying himself. He noticed the way his friend tensed up over the past two weeks whenever the rumors were brought up. _There's no reason to be uncomfortable, Chikara,_ he thought. _I'll help you realize that._

* * *

  
One week later, turning to the gym door, Ryuu felt his heart skip a beat.  
  
"I'm sorry I skipped! Please let me practice!"  
  
When his three friends walked back through the door, Ryuu felt a sense of completion, and the emptiness the gym had held withered away. _The team is back!_  
  
The feeling of unity wouldn't last.


	4. III. A Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nishinoya confides his confused feelings, and it makes Tanaka wonder about himself. Noticing how attractive he finds a certain friend doesn't help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Removed the AsaNoya tag because they suffer enough as a side-ship, and their own rocky path is only seen from Ryuu's perspective, but their feelings will be around and play their parts in Ryuu's life.

The loss against Dateko tore through the Karasuno men's volleyball club mercilessly. With the previous third-years already gone, the fight in the broom closet left behind only splinters, and the four new first-years couldn't fill the gap.

"It feels so empty," Ennoshita sighed, pushing his broom. "Is this what it felt like when we left?"

He hated thinking about when Ennoshita left. His calm presence was an anchor that kept him grounded, and his advice was always honest and encouraging. Not to mention Ryuu missed that smirk whenever he did something stupid. "It's different," Ryuu confessed, walking alongside him. "When you left, it felt lonely. This time it feels... broken. I dunno, I can't really describe it."  

"No, I understand what you mean. 'Lonely' doesn't quite fit. There's a rift now." Ennoshita hummed thoughtfully. "I never thought I'd miss Nishinoya's voice."

He laughed. "You know what's weird to me? It feels quieter without Asahi-san. Just somethin' about having him around. He didn't talk much, but he’s a good senpai. I felt stronger just having him around to back me up."

"I think that's part of why he left,” Ennoshita sighed. “We depended on him too much, expecting he'd carry us through any tight spot. That's a heavy burden."

Those words made more sense than Ryuu wanted to admit. He could recall perfectly how every block Asahi faced chipped away his own resolve, bit by bit, as if they were his own spikes. And not once did he stop to consider that Asahi felt that way too, only expecting him to keep carrying them through. "Man, you're right. Now I feel shitty. It's our fault, huh?"

"Not entirely. That burden is part of being the ace," Ennoshita replied, before smirking. "A burden I'm ready to carry for the team now that I must take his place."

"You think YOU'RE going to be the ace, huh?!" Ryuu rolled up his sleeve, mock challenging his fellow wing spiker.

Ennoshita held up a hand in surrender. "I'd crumble under the pressure. Besides," he brought his hand back to the broom, brows furrowed, his tone solemn, "I don't think any of us could accept that title. It would mean accepting that he may not come back." 

* * *

 

"Hey. Ryuu."

Nishinoya had come to practices again, insisting he was only there to teach Hinata how to receive. Noya filled up much of the empty space, but there was still a large piece missing that no one could replace. Regardless, his presence was gladly welcomed, and with that and the new members starting to begrudgingly work together, the rift in the team felt smaller.  

When Noya asked him to walk with him after practice, he followed without question. But something was off. Noya was _quiet,_ which was strange enough for the small teen. Quiet Noya was serious. Quiet Noya meant he was _thinking._  That alone was reason to be concerned. "Did you mean what you said before? About the basketball team?"

_Is that what's bothering him?_  "Oh, yeah. Their captain and Daichi fight all the--"

"That's not what I meant," Noya interrupted. Usually, Noya was all flailing arms, eye contact, and t-shirts with cool phrases. But now, he stood with his hands in his pockets, jacket buttoned completely, overlooking the small hill they stood on instead of meeting his gaze. It was a guarded stance, Ryuu had come to notice. "When the gay kid quit the team. You said that shouldn't matter."

_Shit. Is he mad? It's been months._ "You got a problem with that?"  _Please don't do this, Noya-san._

Noya finally turned to face him, which was hopefully a good sign. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but Noya would terrify him if he was ever on his bad side. "You're really okay with that? If one of us liked guys, you wouldn't be bothered by it?"

"Nah," he replied without hesitation. He had already suspected one of his friends was gay for several months, and all it did was strengthen his stance on the subject. "The team are my friends. I'd fight anyone starting shit with them for any reason. Liking guys just means I might hafta bust a few more skulls for them."

Noya looked back over the hill, and the longer his silence dragged on, the more unsettling it became. "C'mon, man, say something. You're killing me here. What's going on?"

He didn't respond right away, and when he finally did, Ryuu almost missed it.

"It hurts." The words were little more than a whisper.

"Huh?" He didn't know what Noya was going on about, but his friend saying those two simple words felt like a knife in his gut.

"He turned away from me. Wouldn't even look back."

"What are you-- Hold on, you mean Asahi-san?"

"Yeah. Figures, he's a coward AND a stubborn asshole." Noya said it with a laugh, but it was forced, painful to hear.

"Why are you talking about-- Wait.” The gears in his mind began to turn and click into place. “Do you mean... You _like_ Asahi-san? Straight up 'notice me, senpai' like him?"

"I don't know!" Noya replied with a loud, exasperated sigh, crouching down to stare intently at the grass. _His voice is picking up in volume.  That's a good sign._ "It's confusing,” he groaned. “Is it weird? He's a guy. And a teammate. This has got to be wrong on so many levels."

Ryuu plopped onto the ground next to him, stretching his legs and leaning back on his arms. "Nah. He's a cool guy. You got good taste."

"Don't mess with me, man."

"I mean it. He's a good guy. Maybe too good."  

Noya groaned again, placing both hands on his head, lightly pulling his hair. "This _sucks._ I don't know what to make of it. He's gone, and it hurts more than it should. I think about him constantly, and I haven't even seen him for a month. I just... I want to see him again." He let go of his hair and sat on the ground, folding his knees to his chin. "It doesn't make sense to feel this way about just a friend, does it?"

Ryuu couldn't help but think back to when Ennoshita quit. What if he didn't see Ennoshita every school day? What if he never came back? The thought hurt, almost physically, like a vise gripping his chest too tightly. "I dunno. It could. We all care about Asahi-san, ya know? And you two got along better than most. Maybe you just feel lonely."

"I want to believe that. It would make this simple. Simple's good."

"Can't go wrong with simple," Ryuu agreed. "Have you ever liked a guy before?"

"Not in a 'notice me, senpai' way, no. But I feel like seeing him again would be like... like butterflies in my stomach. Maybe I'd forget to breathe." He paused for a moment. "Was that too gay?"

Ryuu laughed. "Yeah, just a bit."

"Well, I guess that solves this mystery."

"You don't sound so convinced."

 "This is just so confusing, damn it. I mean, he's a _guy._ I like _girls_."

 "Maybe you like both?"

 "Sounds complicated. Complicated's bad."

 "Can't argue that." He considered for a moment before continuing, "Have you thought about doing boyfriend-girlfriend things with him? Like kissing him?"

 "I've been avoiding that."

 "Well, try it. If running away hasn't solved this yet, running more won't do you any favors."

 "I can't believe you just accused me of running away," Noya placed his forehead on his knees to hide his face. "Fine, I'll think about it."

 "What, right now?"

 "Yeah, just real quick. I need my main man to be here when I realize how screwed I am."

 "You got it."

 There was a few minutes of silence before Noya let out a long, irritated groan. "I'm so screwed."

 Ryuu wrapped his arm over his friend's shoulders. "You got nothin' to worry about. I'm here." He squeezed the small shoulder under his hand, and Noya rested his head against him.  

_Reo, Ennoshita, and now Noya. If I liked guys, I'd be so lucky,_ he joked to himself. 

* * *

 

_It was just a joke,_ he repeated in his mind, over and over again. But the thought slithered into his mind and made itself at home. He never had a problem with others, but he had never considered _himself_ liking other men. He liked _girls,_ a lot. Too much, some would argue. He turned into a stuttering mess whenever a cute girl looked his way, had posters of girls in bikinis plastered around his room, and was in love with the beautiful goddess Kiyoko-san. He liked _women._  He didn't have room for men in the equation.

 He remembered telling Noya that maybe he liked both, and Noya calling it 'complicated', and suddenly the idea was much more threatening.  It was okay for others, but for him?

  _Deep breaths. It's just an idea. Remember what you told Noya. Try thinking about boyfriend-girlfriend things._ He made up a stranger in his mind, but it was too awkward, and he took that as the first good sign. _You told Noya not to run away,_ he reminded himself, and knew he couldn't stop at 'didn't want to hold hands with unknown boys'.

He made up a second stranger in his mind for the first, and mentally watched them as if he were watching a show. He felt warm thinking about the two of them, giving them a sappy backstory and watching them finally kiss. His stomach fluttered a little, _but that's probably because I support them as their imaginary friend,_ he told himself.

 He had to consider the guys he knew. He didn't let himself think about Ennoshita; that seemed _dangerous,_ and he refused to ask himself why. He thought about Noya; Noya was safer somehow. The idea of hanging out seemed fun, but they didn't need to date for that. The thought of holding hands didn't seem unusual, but the two were so close that it didn't seem like a big step. The thought of kissing him, though... It was awkward. Over the past year, and especially with Noya confiding in him, he felt like more of a brother.

 He imagined Noya kissing Asahi, and it was a little strange because he _knew_ them, but it was also _kinda cute._ They were both attractive, even a straight man could admit that, and the height difference was endearing. He could easily picture Noya forcefully pulling Asahi down to his level, and laughed at the thought. But that was for them. What about him? Could he possibly like guys the way Noya liked Asahi?

 Sleep took it's sweet time wrestling his thoughts away, but when it finally did, he had yet to come up with an answer. 

* * *

 

 "Asahi-san! It's Asahi-san!" Hinata chirped at the window, and all of Ryuu's worries flew out of his mind.  

 Watching him play again, and being on the opposite side of the net, was exhilarating. The ace he looked up to, his perfect timing, the pure power of his spikes were all back on the court. Off the court, he was bashful, accepting Noya's scolding and praise alike, and encouraging Hinata in a way only an ace could. He and Nishinoya were back, Takeda had brought them a coach, the doubtful previous third-years were gone, the remaining second-years were there to stay, and the new first-years were determined to taste victory.  

 "Finally feels like a team," Ryuu thought aloud. He watched Noya and Asahi, Noya talking animatedly and Asahi listening with a fond smile.  Ryuu couldn't help his own stupid smile as he watched the two.

 "What's with the goofy look? Shimizu-san already went home." Ennoshita turned to see where Ryuu was facing. "What's going on?"

 "It's good to see them talking again," replied, wrapping an arm over Ennoshita's shoulders. The reaction was always the same: brief tensing up before relaxing again. It had been a year of this, and it had never changed, as if he was surprised at the contact every time. "What do you think? Feels like a real team now, huh?"

 Ennoshita's gaze was fixed on the ace and libero, concern furrowing his eyebrows. _Does he see what I see?_  Ryuu wondered. _If he does, why does he seem uneasy?_  "Yeah. Another 'Ukai'. Just what I needed," he deadpanned, turning to face Ryuu.  

  _He's close,_ Ryuu realized. Long lashes, dark hair swept just above his eyes, a calm stare cast directly at him. "Don't you worry," Ryuu managed to say, trying his best to not get distracted by _those eyes._  "I'll do all the work so Coach will make me a starter, you can just sit back and relax."

 "Don't think I'm going to make it that easy for you," Ennoshita retorted with a quirk of his lips, and it was _kinda hot,_ and Ryuu found himself staring instead of responding. Ennoshita raised an eyebrow but asked no questions, patting his back with a nod and pulling away, leaving Ryuu with too many questions and an unexpected fluttering in his stomach.

 Noya's words replayed in his mind. _I'm so screwed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE COMMENTS!!! I honestly never know how to respond, hence a lack of replies, but I guarantee they always make me go "aaaaAAAAAaaahhh" out loud for several minutes, accompanied by arm flailing.


	5. IV. A Cuddler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He just likes to have Chikara near. Doesn't have to be anything more, right?

"Do you think Nekoma has a lady manager?"  

"They're a powerhouse, aren't they? They might have two."

Ryuu and Noya were so angry at the idea, they could practically feel the steam coming from their ears. "We'll make them pay!"

"If they have two managers, I'll never forgive them!"

"Oi, shut up," Chikara chided. The first-years were bathing, and the third-years had left for a walk, leaving him to babysit his peers. "You're too loud. Save it for the match."

Golden Week had been exciting. No school, practice all day with the new coach, spending the evenings with friends, and a practice match with Karasuno's fated rivals to wrap it all up in the morning. (The multiple searches for a certain consistently missing first-year were pretty fun too.) Ryuu was too busy to think about his latest conundrum, or rather, was distracted enough he could easily avoid thinking about it. He liked being near Chikara; he didn't want to complicate that. "What are you doing?"

"Getting ready to sleep. If you haven't noticed, it's night time."

"It's still early!" Ryuu rolled onto Chikara's futon.  

"We've been practicing non-stop for days. How do you still have energy? We have a game tomorrow."

"I'm resting, see?" He sprawled out his arms and legs across the futon, taking as much space as possible. "The real crazy one here is Noya-san."

The libero was too focused on Narita and Kinoshita's card game while he stretched to catch his name. He seemed completely unfazed by the constant practice and spent each evening exercising even more. Chikara looked over at Noya before turning his attention back to his bag. "I can't argue that. Good thing I'm not playing tomorrow, because I'm exhausted just watching him do that." He pulled out a pair of earbuds.  

"Are you upset you're not a starter?" Ryuu blurted.

"A bit," he confessed. "But you've all earned your spots. We need our team at its strongest to keep playing. Besides," he paused, smirking, "it's like Nishinoya said. Once I'm stronger, I'll just take your spot."  

"Oi!  Who do you think you are?!" Ryuu shot his arm out, reaching for Chikara's shirt, but was denied by the other boy quickly grabbing his wrist.  

"Kidding, kidding," Chikara laughed, lightly squeezing Ryuu's wrist before dropping it. "I won't lie, I'm hoping to be a starter at some point, but you're talented. I probably won't have a chance until the third-years retire."

"Why are you talking like that?" Ryuu asked. "You're good, too. Hell, I kinda see you as my rival, ya know?"

Chikara quirked an eyebrow. "Rival, huh?  I'll admit, that's a bit flattering."

"What's that supposed to mean? You're talkin' like you're not good enough."

"That's not it." Chikara played with the earbuds in his hand, twisting the cord around his finger. "I'm not doubting my ability as a player. Maybe doubting my devotion a little--"

"You're still pissed at yourself for that? C'mon--"

"Let me finish," he cut in. "The whole team is strong, and full of potential. I think we can go far. And I'll practice just as hard as everyone else so I can join you on the court some day. I'm not putting myself down. I can just admit that, right now, you're better for the team." He looked back up at Ryuu, smirking. "Just a little bit, though."

Ryuu grinned back. "I'm holdin' you to that."

" _You,_ " Chikara emphasized, "should really be resting. I thought you had to teach Nekoma a lesson about having more managers than us."  

"It doesn't matter how many managers they have. None will ever be as beautiful as ours."

Chikara laughed, tucking an earbud into his ear and tapping his phone screen.  

Ryuu picked up the extra earbud. "What're we listening to?"

Chikara seemed startled by the question for a brief moment. "It's nothing exciting."

"Sounds perfect."

"Tanaka, I'm going to bed."

"But I'm going to be right next to you!"

Chikara sighed. "Fine. Just get off my futon already."

Ryuu rolled over onto his own futon and put the earbud in. The music was calming, gentle guitar with strange lyrics that probably had some deep meaning. _This music is so him. Do these songs mean something special to him?_  He exhaled slowly, focusing on the melody. It was easy to relax next to Chikara.

 _This is nice,_ he thought to himself. Sure, Chikara was attractive, and nice to be around. _But it doesn't have to be anything more than that, right? I was just overthinking it,_ he told himself, stealing a peek at his friend beside him before easily drifting to sleep. 

* * *

 

**[ 1 New Message from: Taketora ]**

>> yea i love video games!!  what do u play????

 

They lost every set, but the day still felt victorious. Being on the court was always exhilarating, and the boys of Nekoma were challenging opponents. Ryuu made new friends, and his instinct told him that Yamamoto was a good guy, maybe one of those friends that would always be there, even if he's far away. The entire week had been one of the best he's had.

"What're we listening to?" he asked, plopping beside Chikara on the ride home. Chikara said nothing back, only smiled and offered an earbud to him before turning back to the window. He took it gladly, popping it into his ear and stealing the phone, looking at the screen as he rested his head on Chikara's shoulder. He felt Chikara tense up, as usual, before relaxing with a quiet sigh. Ryuu yawned, unable to keep himself from falling asleep.

He wouldn't trade this past tiring week for the world. 

* * *

 

_Something's off._

"Hey, Chikara. Could you give me a copy of your playlist?"

Chikara choked on his food. Since Ryuu had finally gotten decent at cooking, he started bringing extra to lunch to share with the others.  They even begrudgingly confessed that they liked it, much to his delight. "You actually liked my music?" he replied after some water.

"It was easy to chill out to. The lyrics were weird. Good weird, I mean. You should tell me what they mean some time."

The music discussion continued, mostly between Chikara and Kinoshita. Ryuu half-listened, more distracted. _Something's been different the past few weeks._ He looked around the table. Nothing _seemed_ off; they were all chatting happily, huddled around a few desks, picking at Ryuu's extra lunch. Chikara was sitting closest to the door instead of next to him, but that shouldn't be strange, it wasn't like they had arranged seats.

The bell rang, and Chikara seemed quickest to get up. That shouldn't seem strange either; he was a punctual guy, probably the most organized of their group, after Narita.

"What's the rush?" Ryuu asked casually, putting a hand on his shoulder.  

"Unlike some of us here, I care about being late to class," Chikara quipped as he continued toward the door, letting Ryuu's hand fall away, and that shouldn't be strange either. But all the little 'shouldn't be strange's were building up rapidly, and his gut told him that last one was key.

He turned to the others, who seemed completely unaware that there was anything different going on. "Hey. Is Chikara mad or something?"

Noya looked at the door, then back to Ryuu. "Not that I saw."

"Every time I get too close, he pushes me away."

Kinoshita shrugged. "Not everyone's touchy-feely like you."

That should be explanation enough, but he wasn't satisfied. Sure, he tensed up at most contact. But it never lasted more than a second, and pushing away was new. Ryuu felt sick to his stomach. "He never pushed away, though.  That doesn't seem weird to you guys?"

Narita took his turn to shrug. "That's something you'll just have to ask him yourself." 

* * *

 

When the last ball dropped with a sickening thud on their side of the court, it had felt like a bad dream.  

Somehow, school the next morning felt like an even worse nightmare. It was almost surreal, trading the thrilling atmosphere of the court for quiet classrooms where no one cared about their loss against Seijou. No one cared about the victories they earned. No one knew about the long hours of practice, the rifts and reunions, the hope and despair their team had faced together that brought them to that match. Time seemed to stop when that ball dropped, but the world kept moving without him. He wanted to scream.

But it wasn't the end. Daichi said they were going to the Spring Tournament. The Orange Court.  _We have to face forward._

"Hey," a calm voice gently nudged him back to reality.

 _When did the others leave?_  At the desk sat only Chikara and him. "Where'd everyone else go?"

"You were really out of it, huh?" Chikara asked. His tone was light, sympathetic. "They went to grab their things. We're going to meet at the gym." He stood up, but made no effort to walk away. "You okay? You looked Kageyama-level angry just now."

Ryuu got up too, noticing the empty classroom. "That bad? How far on a scale of 'at the vending machine' to 'Hinata screwed up again'?"

"I'd say it was at 'Tsukishima opened his mouth'."

He groaned. "I'm just so _frustrated._ We've been working so hard, ya know?"

"Yeah. I know. But you said it yourself. We can't think about the match we lost. We have to move on." Chikara placed his hand on his shoulder, and for once Ryuu was the one that tensed up.  

He felt Chikara's hand start to pull away and he couldn't help himself. It had been weeks of pulling away; he wasn't going to let him go again that easily. He stepped forward quickly, wrapping his arms around Chikara. Ryuu felt him tense up and held his breath, waiting, hoping...

And exhaling with relief when his friend relaxed, and returned the hug. Tentative hands found their way around him, one splayed on his back and the other resting on his bicep. Ryuu squeezed him tightly and hid his face in the crook of Chikara's neck. He thought he heard Chikara sigh, and he almost repeated it, too relieved to have him near again. "I thought you were mad at me," he blurted.

"What?! Why did you think I was mad?" He felt Chikara rubbing his thumb against his arm, the small gesture soothing him.

"You've been pulling away from me for weeks now. That's not like you."

The thumb stopped. "I'm sorry. I just... It's not you, okay?"

"Hey, you guys coming or what?" Noya's voice came from the doorway, startling Chikara. He dropped his arms, but Ryuu kept his grip tight, not letting him pull away again.

"Come on. Let's go." Chikara lightly smacked his back.  

"Don't wanna," he mumbled into his neck.

"Ryuu," he pleaded, little more than a whisper, and that did the trick. Ryuu pulled away reluctantly, and Chikara turned toward the door, avoiding looking at him directly.  

"Did I ruin the broment?"

"Don't worry, Noya-san, you're still my main bro." 

* * *

 

"What song is this?"

After a long day of practice, then a nerf gun battle with Hinata and Asahi, then outrunning the gunned-down Daichi, Ryuu and Noya were winding down with fighting games and blaring music. "It's one of the songs Chikara gave me."  

Noya dropped his controller with a frustrated groan. He was terrible at fighting games, often standing and yelling at the screen, moving the controller from side to side along with the character as a child would. "Combo systems are stupid. I'm pressing the buttons like it says, and all the stupid guy does is jump."

"Admit that you just suck at it, Noya-san."

"Never." Noya walked over to the phone plugged into the speakers. "This title is weird. Are all the songs Chikara gave you like this?"

"Pretty much." He yawned, listening to the lyrics, something about a road trip and the sights and obstacles the singer passes. "I think this one was about getting to where you need to go in life, and not losing sight of it. The tourists stops and the accidents are the good and bad things that happen."

Noya skipped to the next song. "What about this one?"

He tried to recall all Chikara told him. "The flower one? It was kinda complex. Something about being too caught up and sweating the small stuff that you miss the good shit around you."

"How do you get that from daffodils?"

"The guy's so down about the one flower getting messed up that he leaves and misses the beauty of the whole garden."

Noya concentrated on the lyrics for a few lines. "I get it. Like Asahi-san. He felt like an idiot for quitting because he loves volleyball so much. He almost lost it all cause of one shitty match." He listened to a few more lines before asking, "Got any love songs? For Kiyoko-san, I mean."

"You're a genius, Noya-san. These deep songs might properly express our love for her." He took the phone from his friend, scrolling through the list of songs.  He tried to recall the the meanings from the obscure titles, playing a few to listen to the lyrics. "I don't think any are love songs."

"Really? Maybe the band just doesn't write them."

"But it's more than one band." He looked through the songs again. "That's weird, isn't it? Everyone writes love songs."

"Let's look it up." Noya pulled out his own phone, tapping the screen. "Okay, the band that did the flower song wrote a bunch. Seems like it's their more popular stuff, too." He clicked a few more times and a new song played through the speakers.  

"Looks like it's the same thing here for the band that wrote the clock song." Ryuu looked at Noya in confusion. "Why doesn't Chikara have any love songs? Isn't that kinda weird?"

Noya shrugged. "Maybe he just doesn't like them."

"Yeah. Maybe." He couldn't help the feeling twisting in his gut. _I hope it's that simple, Chikara._  

 


	6. V. A Fighter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryuu makes a realization. Too bad the circumstances are all wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ball is finally rolling. In some direction, anyway.

Paying attention was _exhausting._

To join the Tokyo training camp, Ryuu had to pass his classes. It was one thing to stay awake in class. But actually  _take notes?_ This was a whole new world to him. _Has class always lasted this long?_ He stared at the clock, the hands frozen in time.

Trying not to daydream was a difficult task. His mind drifted from one subject to the other. He thought about Kiyoko, stunning and elegant. He thought of Yachi, adorable and skittish.  

He thought of Chikara, pushing and pulling, his comforting hug and his suspicious playlist.   

* * *

 

Studying was a whole other level of hell. Ryuu was grateful for Noya by his side, for Chikara whipping them into shape, and for Yamamoto's friendship through texts that motivated him to keep pushing forward.  

The exams were near and despite all his work, he hadn't felt ready. "Thanks for having me over."

"You wouldn't have stopped begging until I agreed anyways," Chikara replied. It was true; he and Noya had persisted in begging for his help consistently over the past few weeks until he caved each time. All-nighters had happened on more than one occasion. "No Nishinoya today?"

"Nope, just us."  

This past year, a lot of the things he overhead as a child between Saeko and Reo had started to make sense. Little things he hadn't understood before, like how Reo's mother made him keep his door open if he had guy friends over. When he heard the soft click of the door shutting, he considered Chikara's own parents. If they didn't mind him shutting his door, was it from a sense of trust, or were they simply unaware?

"Do your parents know you're gay?" he blurted.

Chikara looked like a deer in headlights.  _"What?"_

_Have I been wrong about this? Shit._ He had been so certain for the past year that his friend was gay, had thought he read it through his body language around the subject. "I just thought--"

Chikara held up a hand to silence him. "Let's just," Chikara started, breathing out his words. "Let's just not talk about this."  

_How badly did I screw this up?_  "Why not?" Ryuu wanted to punch himself, but his mouth wouldn't stop opening. "Am I wrong?"

"No, I-- Just--" he stuttered, exhaling slowly before walking past Ryuu to sit on the edge of the bed. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and folding his hands in front of his face. His left leg was shaking. "It's complicated."

"Chikara..." Ryuu sat beside him. He placed his hand on his friend's shoulder, and it felt like a punch in the chest when Chikara jerked away. "You can talk to me. Don't leave me in the dark."

"No. No, this is... This is a good thing," Chikara managed to say, though it seemed more to himself. "I figured that you knew. And I didn't know how to bring it up. But it's... It's not like that.

"You know the rumors whenever someone thinks you're gay," he began. "That's just the icing on the cake. People see you as if that's all there is to you, and they look at your family as if they're so unfortunate for it. Did you know there's places that won't hire you? Imagine spending all that time in college for your dream job, and you're denied just because you wanted to hold hands with someone.

"I decided that's not a life I want."

Ryuu understood his words, understood the weight of it all. But he felt an anger inside him, a small fire growing. "What do you mean?"

Chikara unfolded his hands and gripped his knees, his leg still lightly shaking. He refused to meet Ryuu's gaze. "I mean just that. If I don't pursue it, it can't stop me from living my life."

"Isn't that backwards?" He couldn't tell who he was angry at before, but he was starting to think it might be his friend beside him. "It's all those other jackasses screwing things up. You think being alone is 'living your life'?"

"I don't put romance on some high pedestal like you, Tanaka. I want a career. I want to walk down the street without getting weird stares. I want to have dinner with my family without it being awkward."

"So if you liked someone, you'd just let them go? Let them walk away because you want to let assholes dictate your life?"

"Exactly that," Chikara replied coldly. "Were you even listening? If I can avoid all those problems so simply, then why shouldn't I?"

The small anger burst into flames. "That's bullshit, Chikara!" he shouted, shoving himself off the bed to look down at him. "That's just running away!"

Chikara stood as well, staring Ryuu dead in the eyes. "What did you say?" he hissed.

He glared back. "I said it's running away."

Chikara was furious. The calm type of furious that sent shivers down Ryuu's spine. "Why?" he hissed. "Why are you saying this?"

"Because you're my friend! Because I don't want to see you just... just throw happiness away!"

"Oh, that's just perfect, then. Now I can go on being judged by others and be lucky to land a shitty job because I have a _'friend'_ that accuses me of _running away._ " This wasn't his usual sarcasm. It was dripping with venom, aimed to hurt.

"Stop being an asshole!"  

"Stop acting as if you know what's best for _my_ life!"

Ryuu gritted his teeth. _Why won't he see?_  "So you're just gonna throw away any chance at love? Because of others?"

"My love life is none of your business."

He stood there, stunned. The words were sharp, piercing through Ryuu's stomach. He wanted to say something, anything, but his thoughts were drowned out by the words replaying in his mind, cutting deeper and deeper. He felt sick.

He turned away and walked out the door. Chikara did nothing to stop him. 

* * *

 

_My love life is none of your business._ Ryuu pressed his face against the cool tile of the kitchen floor, hand wrapped around a water bottle. His head was pounding and the sick feeling in his stomach wouldn't leave. He had arguments with friends before. Hell, he argued with Noya at least once a month, making up an hour later and laughing at how stupid they must have sounded. But this wasn't a silly dispute over a fighting game or cheesy action anime. This was a serious matter for Chikara.

_My love life is none of your business._ Chikara was mad now. When Ryuu thought he was angry before, _it sucked._ Every time Chikara pulled away, he wanted to pull him closer. But if he wasn't mad then... How was he going to be now? The idea made his stomach churn more.

_My love life is none of your business._ Ryuu couldn't understand why he was so upset. One argument wouldn't ruin their friendship forever. They'd be mad for a few days, maybe more than that. They'd probably talk it over, Ryuu would slap him on the back, everything would be back to normal. He squeezed the water bottle, choking on the small bit of water that managed to make it to his mouth.

_My love life is none of your business._  The argument played over in his mind. He was still angry. He just wanted his friend to try, to accept the idea that maybe he could have his ideal life _with_ love in the mix. It wouldn't be easy, Ryuu knew that. But _damn it,_ he wanted Chikara to be happy. He didn't want Chikara to just... lock that door and throw away the key.

_My love life is none of your business._ Ryuu was angry. Angry and sad and desperate and _selfish._ Chikara was right, it was his life, his obstacles to face. His own door to lock, his own key to throw away. But that didn't stop Ryuu from wanting to break that door down.

_My love life is none of your business._ He remembered the feeling of Chikara in his arms and knew why he was upset, he _knew_ it, damn it, he just kept _running away_ like a hypocrite, and now he screwed it all up.

_My love life is none of your business._ He fished his phone out of his pocket. He knew what he had to do. 

* * *

 

"Thanks for meeting me here, Noya-san."

Noya quirked an eyebrow. "Sure thing. What happened? You look like shit."

Ryuu was sitting atop the small hill, picking blades of grass one by one. He felt his heart pounding in his chest. He remembered Noya's confession, and now that he was standing in his shoes, he was terrified. "You remember when you told me about Asahi-san, and I told you to stop running away?"

Noya put his hands in his pockets. "What about it?"

Ryuu peeled a blade of grass in half.  _I think it's great that you told me, that's it, let's leave this place_. "I think... I think maybe I've been running too."

"No shit. Really?" He only nodded in response. He felt Noya sit beside him. "Is it Chikara?"

_Shit._  "Am I that obvious?"

"Nah. I mean, only cause you said the 'running' thing just now. You get weird about him sometimes. Like that whole thing with the songs." The playlist with no love songs suddenly made too much sense, and he felt his stomach twist in knots again. Noya continued, "I saw you guys hugging it out. So why do you look like the world is ending?"

"We got into a fight."

"How bad?"

"Don't know. Probably really bad."

"Shit."

"Yeah." He felt Noya's hand on his back, letting the silence hang until Ryuu spoke again. "Remember when I said you should try thinking about boyfriend-girlfriend things?"

"I'm here for you, man. Go for it."

He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing.  _Why am I so nervous about this?_  His hands shook. _My love life is none of your business._ He knew nothing good could come from this. He wanted to stop and go home, he could go to practice and pretend nothing happened, maybe Chikara would play along.  

_I told them both to stop running._ He remembered the hug and used that as the mold. He imagined Chikara in his arms again, the feel of his back under his hands, the relief of having him near and pressed against him. He remembered Chikara's sigh at the contact and in his mind he dug his fingers into his friend's back, already close but wanting more. He remembered hiding his face in the crook of Chikara's neck, and in his mind he raised his head, and there was the exposed skin of his neck above the collar of his shirt. He wanted to press his lips there, and that was already sign enough that he was _so screwed,_ but his mind pressed forward, in too deep to stop now.

He imagined the feel of Chikara's skin against his lips, he imagined Chikara's sigh at his touch, and he knew he was done. But he pressed forward still, because he must be a masochist to keep wanting what he can't have. He imagined half-lidded eyes looking straight into his own, a sleepy smile directed at him alone, and he was powerless.  

He remembered the cold fury of his glare, the way he hissed the word "friend".  

_My love life is none of your business._

The perfect world of his imagination shattered, and back in reality Ryuu couldn't keep himself from sobbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
> 
> Act 2 begins next Friday with a double update! (There will be three 'Acts' total.) And uh *sweats nervously* hope no one minds but I may need to bump up the rating to Explicit at later chapters.


	7. Act 2: Learning You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Cat offers advice, and Daichi is _evil_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update to start off! Some tags were added for the events that'll happen in Act 2. Things to note:  
> \- Chapters with NSFW parts will have warnings so you can skip if you please.  
> \- There WILL be spoilers for the anime through season 2. There will NOT be spoilers for the manga.

_"I figured this would happen." Hushed words with no edge to them, only friendly teasing._

_A polite cough was heard from nearby, urging them to continue. "Then you got a plan?" Ryuu whispered._

_"I like it when you improvise."_

\---------------------------

Daydreaming about kissing Chikara had become addicting. Sure, he had considered kissing some girls before (not Kiyoko, though - she was a goddess to be worshipped from afar), but it was always in short bursts, nothing elaborate. He had even kissed a girl in junior high (twice!), but the idea of kissing Chikara seemed so drastically different in comparison.  

Maybe it was so different because every time Ryuu thought about it, the daydream became more complex. It started with slowly kissing his way up Chikara's neck, across his jaw, before finally making his way to soft lips. What sounds would Chikara make? Would he stay silent, his breath barely audible, getting heavier as Ryuu leisurely made his way to his destination? Would he sigh quietly, tilting his head to give Ryuu better access to his neck? Would he moan in anticipation, impatiently stealing the initiative and seeking Ryuu's lips against his?

Maybe it was so different because Chikara wasn't a girl. The idea of kissing someone his same height was enticing; he could easily look into those dark eyes that captivated him, a lazy stare and smug smirk that taunted him, teased him unwittingly. Strong hands could search Ryuu's body, from gentle fingertips against his neck to desperate fingertips digging into his back. Maybe Chikara would grab his waist, or _lower,_ pushing them together and...

Ryuu had some thoughts he felt a little guilty for.

Maybe it was so different because he _really liked_ Chikara. It was strange to accept, at first. But he was beginning to understand; he liked Chikara, and probably had for a long time. He couldn't remember a time when he didn't crave being near him, and the pain he felt whenever he pulled away from his touch. He liked watching Chikara, having him around to keep him grounded, and the satisfaction he felt whenever his and Noya’s antics were rewarded with that fond smile (after being scolded, of course).

Unfortunately, Chikara was still pissed.

It wasn't an active, raging fury. It was cold, biting deep. He hadn't thought Chikara was the type to stay angry; it was hard enough to aggravate him beyond mild annoyance. But Chikara was never in the clubroom the same time as him, always rushing to get ready before Ryuu could arrive. He was never there at lunch, and when he had no choice but to regard Ryuu, it was always with "Tanaka-kun". That could have been endearing, if it wasn't just so _polite_. A formality tacked on, a reminder that they were not speaking casually.  

But _why?_ The argument itself didn't seem so bad, when he looked back at it. Why was Chikara still pissed off?

"Maybe it's because he already knows," Noya offered. Ryuu hadn't meant to talk about the fight; it was Chikara's business, after all. But sometimes - well, most of the time - his mouth was faster than his thoughts. "He's probably told himself the same shit over and over again. I know I told myself a lot of stuff like that when I was thinking of Asahi-san."

"And I've gotta be the first person he's told." Ryuu drew inappropriate designs in the dirt with his finger absentmindedly, adding a line here and there. "Shit friend I am."

He and Noya were crouched outside the building, gossiping out of earshot. It was only the first day in Tokyo, and he was already beginning to feel worn out from the penalties. Thankfully it was just for the weekend; the week-long trip ahead was going to be tough. "Nah. I think what you said was right."

"Then why haven't you said anything to Asahi-san?"  

"I guess that's because it's not just my heart on the line. If it became a big deal, it could hurt the team. I'd never forgive myself for that."

"Why would it be a big deal?"

"There's too many ways for it to go wrong," a third voice came from around the corner. Ryuu felt his heart stop. Someone had been listening? How much did they hear? The rumors around him before didn't seem like a problem at the time, but now that he realized they rang somewhat true, Chikara's concerns felt terrifyingly real.

"Yaku-san?  How long were you listening for?"

"A while," the Nekoma libero confessed. "I overheard you talking about your crushes."

 _Shit, he heard everything?_ "You were eavesdropping?" Noya asked, anger biting his voice.

Yaku seemed unfazed. "It was hard not to. You're not exactly quiet." He leaned against the wall beside Noya, crossing his arms. "I was making sure no one was listening."

"Why?"

"Because I doubt everyone at this camp is open-minded." Yaku looked down at Ryuu's drawings in the dirt and raised an eyebrow, but made no comment.

"But you are?" Noya asked. Ryuu noticed the way he inched closer to Yaku, even if Noya himself wasn't aware he was doing it. It was no secret he admired the other libero, but only Ryuu knew to what extent.

Yaku refused to meet their gaze, eyes trained on a nearby tree. "More than you think." He let the words hang in the air without further clarification, but Noya's devilish smirk suggested he understood. "You two are lucky to have each other to talk to."

Ryuu was more grateful to have Noya by his side than words could describe. Learning that his romantic life may not be so simple was tough, and so was having a wall between him and his crush, his _friend._ Having someone go through it with him made it easier, made it feel less surreal. It made it all feel _okay._

"For what it's worth, I think it's wise that you haven't confessed to your teammate, Nishinoya-kun," Yaku continued. "Ignoring the obvious risks with confessing to another man, it would likely be a lose-lose situation. Even if he did return your feelings, it could still cause a rift in your team. They may not all be comfortable with it, or your feelings could become a distraction. And every time you fight, your whole team would feel it."

"Who says we'd fight?" Noya asked defensively. Ryuu refused to remind him of the broom closet.

"Couples fight," Yaku responded. "You can't agree on everything, and sometimes you'll care too much to let it go. Strong couples can grow from that."  

Ryuu let the words replay in his mind, smoothing out the edges of his worries. "Then what do you suggest?" Noya asked.

Yaku closed his eyes, fingers visibly tightening their grip on his crossed arms. "You wait. And you hope that it was worth it. Or that it hurts less when the time comes." He sighed and pushed off the wall, finally meeting their gaze again. "Well, maybe it's not as big a deal for you Crows. For us, if we're not in sync, the ball doesn't connect. And winning is far better than any confession."

"Sure, I get it, don't disrupt the team's balance." Noya walked even closer to Yaku, leaving little space between them. There was that devilish grin again. "But what about someone from a different team?"

Ryuu had to admit that Yaku instantly losing his composure was _cute._ His brown eyes grew wider, and he truly looked like a cat caught in a trap. His mouth fell open, stuttered words slipping out.  "But--  I--  You--"  

"Doesn't need to be anything serious. Just two men killing some time," Noya continued with a tone Ryuu hadn't heard before, low and teasing. "C'mon, senpai. I could use some tips on receiving." He wiggled his eyebrows.

Instantly, the stuttering mess was gone. "You did _not_ just say that."  

Noya laughed, letting a single finger trail up Yaku's arm. "So, what do you say?"

Yaku looked sheepishly away from Noya, to Ryuu, to the wall, to the tree, then back to Noya. "I know a place..." he muttered, looking away again, face red.

Noya grabbed Yaku's wrist and tugged him away, leaving Ryuu with Yaku's advice to sink in his mind.

\--------------------

"Tanaka, Ennoshita."

Ryuu had managed to deflect any questions about Noya's whereabouts, but with Daichi waving them into the hallway, he knew his troubles for the evening had just begun. "You're going to the corner store for a snack run. Do you remember where it is?"

"Two blocks to the south," Chikara responded. "Could Narita come with me? I wanted to discuss some--"

"Suga, what did you want?"

Daichi ignored Chikara's plea, and everyone in the room gave their requests. Chikara pulled out his phone. "Let me write this down."

Daichi swiped the phone, smiling in a way that chilled Ryuu to the bone. "You'll work together to remember this. And Ennoshita, stop looking at Suga like he'll save you. He suggested tying your legs together.” Suga waved cheerfully.

"Don't think we haven't noticed you two fighting," Daichi continued. "A don't think about coming back until you've talked this over."

"And get the food right!" Suga piped in.

Daichi shut the door before either dared to argue.


	8. I. Your Laugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryuu and Chikara have a chat.

The sounds of insects in the summer were so typical, they were often unnoticed, forgotten. But right now, Ryuu was grateful for them, focusing on the noise that drowned out the potential for silence as they walked.

It was _awkward._ Every time Ryuu opened his mouth to speak, he'd remember the cold way Chikara would call him "Tanaka-kun". (And one time a bug flew in his mouth, thankfully unnoticed.) Glancing over at his walking partner, he noticed Chikara didn't seem to be faring any better. He watched the ground as he walked, biting his lip in a look Ryuu recognized as him concentrating deeply. He was likely thinking of what to say as well, a thought that filled Ryuu with both relief and dread. They had to speak at some point; Daichi made sure of that with his _evil_ memorization game. Something was going to happen tonight, for better or worse.

He decided anything was better than this stalemate. "Listen, I--," he started, unsure of where his mouth was going. "We-- Maybe--"

Chikara slowed his pace, only giving him a sideways glance, an eyebrow raised but no comment. _At least he doesn't look angry._ Ryuu rubbed the back of his head, considering the words he wanted to say.  

Then Chikara stopped. _Shit, here goes nothing._  

"I'm sorry," they said simultaneously. Chikara looked up, locking eyes with Ryuu for the first time in weeks. It didn't hit him till that moment just how much he missed those eyes.  

"You were ri--" "I should have--" they tried to speak at once.

A pause before they each tried again. "We shouldn't be--" "I meant to--"

And there it was, Chikara _smiled,_ and Ryuu couldn't stop his own bashful grin. Ryuu's relief was overwhelming, shaping into laughter he couldn't restrain. Chikara's relieved laughter that followed fed his own, and it wasn't long before the two were crouched over, with their hands on their knees and tears in their eyes.  

"Why... Why are you lau--" Chikara tried to speak between breaths, but the uncontrollable laughter proved too much. He snorted and Ryuu was _done,_ reduced to choked laughs between gasps for air. Chikara was doing no better.

Ryuu looked up and when their eyes met again, he felt something flutter in his stomach. Chikara was _gorgeous._ His dark hair was a mess from the movement and the mild breeze; how soft and light was it, to be so easily swayed? His usual soft smirk was replaced by a wide, bright smile that was complemented with a light blush painting his cheeks, and Ryuu had to give extra effort to catch his breath. His smile was stunning, and if Ryuu had any doubts he was smitten before, he was absolutely certain now. He _needed_ that smile in his life. And his _eyes!_ Those dark eyes would never fail to captivate Ryuu, eyes that were now looking directly at him, tears of laughter pooled at the corners. He wanted to reach out and wipe them away, to run his finger over a blushing cheek, to cradle his face in his hands and keep that smile close.

Impulse control wasn't one of Ryuu's strengths, and he opted instead to reach forward and wrap his arms around Chikara's shoulders, dragging him close as their laughs began to subside. Chikara didn't flinch, didn't tense as before, tentatively resting his hands on Ryuu's back. "I'm sorry. I was an asshole and didn't think about how you felt," Ryuu muttered to the side of Chikara's head.

"I was an asshole too," Chikara confessed, his thumbs moving in slow, soothing circles like before. Ryuu couldn't help his sigh, resting the side of his head against his friend's. "You were right," Chikara continued. "I've been running away. I kept thinking if I just didn't think about it, it would... go away. It wouldn't affect me."  

"Then why were you so pissed at me?" _Wrong question,_ Ryuu mentally kicked himself. The slow motion of the thumbs stopped and he was convinced in that moment that he screwed up again.

"Because I didn't want to hear it," he confessed with no disdain, much to Ryuu's relief. "I didn't want to think about it, but I couldn't keep avoiding it." Ryuu felt Chikara's head turn away as he continued. "I blame you for that."

"Yeah, well, I shouldn't have blown up at you like that," Ryuu replied.

"Yeah, probably not," Chikara laughed, pulling away to give some space between the two. Chikara's hands slid to Ryuu's sides before bringing them up to his arms, Ryuu keeping his hands on Chikara's shoulders. "Thank you. For this, I mean. For staying yourself around me. I've been scared of other guys finding out for so long, especially someone as... touchy-feely as you."

"Don't you worry about that." Ryuu brought a hand up to smooth down Chikara's messy hair. It was even softer than he expected, unable to keep himself from running his fingers through it, tucking strands behind an ear. "I'm here for you, alright? No matter what."

Chikara looked at him with wide-eyed astonishment. Ryuu remembered the look from last year, after the rumors with the baseball team, when he told Chikara people shouldn't feel guilty for who they like. _Is it really so surprising to have someone on your side? How long has this been hurting you, Chikara?_

"I appreciate that." Chikara dropped his hands, looking away with that soft smile of his. "I'm still figuring things out. I haven't thought about a lot of this before. C'mon, let's go before I forget what everyone wanted, since you probably forgot the moment we left the building.”

"Guilty as charged!" Ryuu confessed happily. His crush may be worse than he initially realized, and maybe it wouldn't play out how he wanted, but that was alright. He had his friend back, and that was more important than any crush he had right now.

\---------------------------

The week spent at Tokyo had been exhausting, but it was fun. The rare few sets they did win were all the more rewarding, and their progress was certainly showing, bit by bit.  

Free practice was exciting, too. Working as a team to learn new attacks had the same effect the games had: the trouble they faced at the beginning, the hope that grew with every better attempt, the satisfaction of complete synchronicity and the ball slamming on the other side of the court.  

And of course, the smile on Chikara's face whenever they succeeded was worth all the struggles.

The evenings after dinner were spent with Tora, and sometimes Chikara, Narita, Kinoshita, and Fukunaga. They were usually too worn out to get into much trouble, instead playing card games and talking about pop idols.

Noya and Yaku often disappeared.

 

**[ 1 New Message from: Suga-san ]**

>> have you seen daichi and asahi?  they're not answering their phones

 

"Who is it?" Tora asked, recognizing the confusion on Ryuu's face.

"Looks like Suga-san can't find Daichi-san and Asahi-san." _That's weird._ The three were usually inseparable. "It's pretty late, so I should head back and see if I can find them."  

Tora looked at his own phone, surprised at the time. "Wow, it's later than I thought. I don't notice without Yaku-san here to scold me. Where does he keep running to?"

"Who knows." Ryuu stood to his feet, feeling a little guilty about lying. "If I see him, I'll tell him to come yell at ya."

"Thanks. Night, man."

"Night."

The building was quiet, the hallways empty save for the occasional straggler. _Where are the third-years,_ Ryuu wondered, taking the long way back to stop by a vending machine for a bottle of water.

His answer came as he turned a corner, a muffled but familiar voice groaning. "I'm such an idiot."

Asahi was sitting on the floor, slouched over with his hands covering his face. Daichi was crouched next to him, resting a hand on his friend's shoulder. He looked concerned, a face he rarely showed the rest of the team. "You're not an idiot, Asahi." Daichi sounded assertive as always, but Ryuu didn't miss the hint of sympathy in his voice.

"But I am, Daichi. I can't believe I thought..." his voice threatened to crack, and Ryuu felt his heart break at the sound. Hearing a friend hurt was always painful, and something about it being Asahi made it worse.

"We all thought that, Asahi. I still do. This is probably nothing serious."

Ryuu walked up to them wordlessly, catching only Daichi's attention until he tapped Asahi's arm with the water bottle. Asahi looked up at him over his hands, showing his red eyes, and it was almost too much for Ryuu. He had a soft spot for the gentle giant. "Here." He held the water bottle out, and Asahi took it without a word.

"How much did you hear?" Daichi asked, his tone almost threatening. Whatever the subject, it must have been sensitive.

"Nothing. I just got here." He brought his hand to Asahi's free shoulder, squeezing it. "Suga-san was wondering where you guys are."

"Could you let him know we'll be there soon?"

Ryuu nodded, about to turn away before feeling Asahi's hand on his. "Thank you," he whispered.

"You take your time," Ryuu replied, squeezing his shoulder again before walking away.  

\---------------------------------

"What are we listening to?"

Ryuu plopped down on his futon, stealing one of Chikara's earbuds before he could argue.  An unfamiliar song with a familiar style was playing.  

Chikara scratched his cheek, avoiding looking at Ryuu directly. "It's one of the bands I showed you before. This song is about--"

"Is this a love song?!" Ryuu blurted, picking up a few of the lines.

"Why do you sound so shocked?"

"None of the other songs you showed me were love songs."

"I'm surprised you noticed. Well," he turned away, but Ryuu caught the light blush, "Now I've got a playlist full of them. I didn't listen to these songs much before, so I'm not tired of them yet."

"You gonna tell me what they mean?"

Chikara didn't respond right away, instead playing with the headphone cord in his hand. "Maybe some day," he said quietly. "Go to sleep, Tanaka."

"Yeah, yeah. Good night, Chikara."


	9. II. Your Courage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryuu let's something slip, and Chikara takes a chance.

"Time to wake up!"

Chikara groaned, turning away from Ryuu and bringing the blanket up to his chin.  

It was simply adorable, the way he thought he could escape his fate. Ryuu sat up, shaking him by the shoulder. "Waaake uuup, before Noya-san catches you still asleep." Chikara groaned again, bringing the blanket even further over his face.

"SHOW NO MERCY!" With a swift tug, the blanket was gone, and the small libero laughed triumphantly at the pained wincing of his teammate.  

Chikara looked sleepier than usual, bringing a hand up to rub his eye. "Don't you have someone else to bother?"  

Nishinoya shrugged, frowning. "Asahi-san was up before I was. I haven't seen him yet this morning."

"Maybe he slept in another room to avoid this abuse." Chikara sat up, but looked ready to fall back asleep at any moment. _His sleepy face is too cute._ Ryuu wanted to let him sleep, to steal the blanket back and hide under it together with Chikara in his arms. Ryuu scooched closer, pulling Chikara against him and leaving his hand on Chikara's waist. Chikara must have been too tired to resist, resting his head on Ryuu's shoulder with his eyes closed. Ryuu pinched his leg with his free hand to make sure he wasn't still dreaming. 

Noya smirked, tilting his head and raising his eyebrows in a silent question. Ryuu shook his head, and Chikara grunted at the movement, turning to hide his face in the crook of Ryuu's neck.

"Don't fall back asleep, Chikara!" Noya laughed, sitting on the other side of Ryuu and resting his head on his other shoulder. "This is comfortable. Maybe I'll go back to sleep too."

"Has anyone seen Daichi or Asahi?" Suga yawned. He looked at the small cuddle pile and raised an eyebrow, but made no comment. When Noya shook his head, Suga sighed. "How are they awake already? They came back so late last night." He yawned again, walking out the door, just barely missing the frame.

"Suga-san must have stayed up waiting for them. I wonder why they were so late?"

Ryuu didn't respond; he remembered the threatening way Daichi asked how much he had heard. It wasn't his business to begin with, and he had the feeling mentioning anything would cause trouble. But he _hated_ not telling people things. It felt like lying.

He hated not telling Tora about Yaku and Noya. He hated not telling Tora about _himself._ He felt like every time he avoided talking about crushes (besides Kiyoko, of course) that he was building a wall around himself. He wanted to talk to Tora about everything the way he could talk to Noya about everything. He wanted to confess he couldn't stop watching Daichi's thighs, he wanted to rant about how Suga was prettier than any teenage boy had a right to be, he wanted to gush like a schoolgirl about the crush _currently resting against him and looking so content._ And he wanted Tora to be happy for him, the way he'd be happy for Tora in this situation.

"I'm going to tell Tora today."

"Tell Tora what?" he heard from both sides of him, one a happy chirp and the other still very much half asleep.

"That I like guys."

Chikara was definitely awake now, pulling away to look at Ryuu in disbelief.

_Wait._

He hadn't told Chikara yet.

_Why haven't I told Chikara yet?_

The look of disbelief transformed to anger, and Ryuu's hand resting on Chikara's waist was pulled off abruptly. "This isn't funny.”

_Shit!_ That Chikara thought Ryuu would joke about something so sensitive to him... The idea set Ryuu into a slight panic. Chikara stood quickly, and Ryuu followed, knocking an unsuspecting Noya over. Ryuu shot out his hands, grabbing Chikara's upper arms and refusing to let him pull away. "I'm not kidding, Chikara." He hoped he sounded sincere enough, hearing the distress in his own voice. He kept his grip tight so Chikara couldn't turn from him. He hated that he couldn't discern the look on Chikara's face. "I wouldn't joke about this, especially not to you."

"Are you two fighting again, or did I just come at a bad time?" _Oh god, how long had Daichi been there?_

"Looks like it could go _both ways,_ Sawamura-san." _Oh god, how long had TSUKISHIMA been there?_

Chikara covered his face with his hands. "Please, just kill me."

Daichi tilted his head, baffled. "What's going on?"  

_He must not have heard._ Ryuu thanked every god he could think of. "Nothing, Daichi-san. Everything's alright." He slid his hands to Chikara's wrists, gently tugging his hands away from his face. "Right?" he asked softly.

Chikara closed his eyes, sighing. "Everything's fine, Daichi-san."

Daichi blinked in confusion. "Um... Alright. Well," he gestured to the hallway behind him, "Go eat while there's still food left." He walked back out, leaving the room empty besides for Ryuu, Chikara, Noya... and Tsukishima.

"Hey, Tsukishima..." Noya began.

"No one cares who Tanaka-san likes, Nishinoya-san." For once, his matter-of-fact tone was reassuring. " _I_ certainly don't care enough to talk about it."

Noya laughed, pushing the tall blond out the door forcefully. "It's times like these I'm glad you're an asshole."

"Thanks, senpai."

Ryuu heard the door shut, but didn't bother to turn his head. He was focused on Chikara in front of him, eyes still closed, Ryuu's fingers still wrapped around his wrists. "You alright?"

"I can't believe Tsukishima and Nishinoya just heard everything."

"You heard them. They're fine with it. They didn't say anything about you anyways."

"We weren't exactly subtle, Tanaka."

"Hey," Ryuu lightly squeezed Chikara's wrists. "Don't you worry about that. I won't let anyone say shit about you, alright? And I would never joke like that to you. You're safe with me."  He rubbed his thumb over the pulse points of Chikara's wrists, hoping that would somehow emphasize his point. He was beginning to realize how desperately he wanted Chikara to feel safe around him.

Chikara hesitated before speaking again, looking down to their hands. "So... You're really bi?"

Ryuu didn't get a chance to respond. "Has anyone seen Yamaguchi?" a voice called from the hallway.

The two turned to see the first-year still contently drooling onto his pillow. "He's here, I'll wake him up," Chikara called back. He sighed again, reluctantly pulling his hands away. "Go on ahead. We'll talk about this later, okay?"

"And miss the chance to torture my dear kouhai awake? No way."

* * *

 

"Is something going on with them?"

Ryuu didn't notice Chikara approach him; he was busy trying to wrap his head around what he just saw. He had watched Asahi _hesitate_ before going with Noya to practice. He even looked over at the door like he was considering running away before giving Nishinoya a look that reminded Ryuu of a kicked puppy. "You saw that too? Asahi-san always jumps at the chance to practice with Noya-san."

Chikara hummed in agreement, leaning against the wall next to Ryuu, shoulders almost touching.  "Speaking of Nishinoya... He told me some interesting things today."

"Like what?"

"Like that he's bi, too. Though I can't say I'm surprised. I figured that out a while ago."

"What? How?" Ryuu turned to face Chikara. He was close, Ryuu realized, their similar heights leaving little distance. He couldn't help but stare, admiring the long lashes and curves of his lips.

Chikara seemed unaware, looking out over the gym. "His crush on Asahi-san is obvious, if you have a mind to look for it." Ryuu couldn't argue that. Since Noya told him that day on the hill, it was hard not to notice. "But, you being bi? I'm still not sure I completely believe."

"You think I'm lying?"  

"No," Chikara sighed. "It's not that. It's just... unexpected.  Or rather, I refused to notice it." He kept his gaze on the gym, watching people shuffle around. "How long have you known?"

"A couple weeks? Maybe a couple months. I guess it started when Noya-san figured out."

"Oh." Chikara frowned. "So. You and Nishinoya. Did you...?"

"Did we--" he spoke before the words clicked in his mind. "Oh, no, no way. He's like a brother to me."

"So it's just a coincidence you two realized around the same time?"  

"Sorta?" Ryuu scratched the side of his head. "He told me he liked Asahi-san, and I just thought, what if I liked guys too?"

"There's no way it was that simple." Chikara finally faced him, and the briefly startled look on his face suggested he realized how close they were, too. But he didn't make an effort to move away.  

Ryuu laughed, almost nervously, unable to hide his bashful grin. He didn't think he could ever get over just how nice it was to be close to him. "Nah, it wasn't really. I didn't let myself think about a lot of things for a while, and then--" _you broke my heart and I realized I couldn't stop thinking about you_ "--I realized some stuff." He scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

"That was incredibly vague." Chikara gave that smirk that Ryuu was sure was going to happily send him into an early grave. "Sounds familiar, though. I admit, I'm jealous. I spend years avoiding it, and you just... barrel your way through finding yourself out, like you barrel your way through everything."

"Did you really plan on avoiding it forever?"

"I knew I couldn't run forever, but I assumed I wouldn't need to worry about it until I finished school," he confessed. "I wanted to focus on classes, and on this," he gestured to the court. "And then I'd leave for college. Even if I liked girls, there'd be no sense in dating right now."

It was a like a punch to his gut. _Is there really no chance with him?_ "It wouldn't be worth the time together?"

"Should it be? Dating someone just to leave next year doesn't seem pointless, and _selfish,_ to you?" His question sounded strangely genuine, inquiring, his dark eyes fixed on Ryuu's.

"You're not gonna play volleyball forever, are ya? You said don't plan to be a professional. Does that make it pointless to be here too?" He felt a pang of pride, and maybe some hope, when he recognized the look of realization on Chikara's face. His point was getting across. "And if you think it's selfish, well... It's selfish that you think it's only up to you to decide that."

"I hate when you're right sometimes." Chikara broke his stare, looking towards the ground instead, but he wore a small, shy smile, and Ryuu was done for. _Is he blushing?!_ Critical hit, game over. He felt himself grinning and blushing like an idiot back. "You have a habit of making my life difficult."

"Eh? What do you mean by that?"

He inched closer to Ryuu, pressing their arms together from their shoulders down to their pinkies where they rested on the wall. "You won't let me run away. You make me consider things I never dared to before. That maybe... I should take some chances." Chikara's words grew quieter as he spoke, ending on little more than a whisper. His hand hesitantly found its way over Ryuu's with a nervous tremor. Ryuu held his breath, too focused on trying to steady his own hand as he laced their fingers together.  

Anything beyond Chikara and their hands hidden between them dropped completely from his mind. He wished he could see their hands, see how they looked together. He dragged the pad of his thumb over the top of Chikara's hand, doing his best to control his breathing. "We should, uh... We should go. Somewhere. After this week. Together?" he asked, his voice cracking. _Nice going, Ryuu._

"Tanaka, are you trying to ask for a date?" Chikara tried to act smug, but his lopsided grin betrayed him.  

"Hey, I'm nervous, alright? Go easy on me," he whined.

Chikara laughed, bringing his free hand to his mouth. "How is it that you're so smooth when you're not trying, and a mess when you do?"

Ryuu could barely catch Suga's voice calling their names. "Oi, Tanaka and Ennoshita, we found Coach's tablet! Let's watch the video again." Ryuu pouted as Chikara pulled away quickly, his hand cold from the sudden loss of contact. _Crap, my hand's all sweaty._

"Hey, Tanaka." Chikara was still blushing, still wearing that lopsided grin. "I think...  I'll give it a shot. A date, I mean."

"Yes! YES!!" He hollered excitedly, the only thing shutting him up was Daichi's wrath.

And later that night, when he told Tora and Noya the whole story, their excitement almost compared to his. _Almost._  


	10. III. Your Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A warning, a game, a date.

It was no wonder Chikara didn't expect to date during high school - trying to plan a date with him was _impossible._ They'd already won the first two matches for Spring High, and with the remaining Preliminaries just around the corner, they'd yet to find the time.

"How about tomorrow?"

"Studying. I have a test on Friday."

"Friday?"

"Plans with my parents."

"Saturday?"

"Helping you and Nishinoya with your homework, remember?"

"What about right now? Let's just go somewhere."

Sometimes, Ryuu wondered if he was dodging the date. But the regret in his voice was too genuine to doubt. "Nice try, but my parents are expecting me home. They already made dinner."

Ryuu groaned. He just wanted to take Chikara out and show him a good time, just the two of them. "We're going to have to wait until the Prelims are done, huh?"

"Probably." Chikara nudged him with his shoulder. "I warned you about this."

Walking him home was about the only time they got alone, and it was spent walking close enough for little bits of stolen contact. Nudging shoulders, fingers brushing against each other, sometimes a hand would find its way to another's back - Ryuu spent his days looking forward to the tiny intentional gestures, his stomach fluttering as he replayed them in his mind. "Yeah, well, I'm stubborn. Let me walk you home tomorrow, at least."

"Isn't it getting suspicious? What if someone starts to think--"

"Nope." Ryuu boldly threw his arm over his shoulders. "You see this? No one's going to think anything of this. Just two friends, hanging out. You worry too much."

"I do. But I have my reasons, remember? I don't want people finding out." Chikara swatted his arm away, but his tone remained light. "I warned you about this, too. If we... If this becomes serious, I'm still not telling anyone."

"Not even Kazuhito and Hisashi?"

"Not even them. I'm already unhappy that you told Nishinoya and-- Don't make that face at me, the puppy eyes aren't working."

Ryuu threw his arm over Chikara's shoulders again. "Alright, I get it. Won't tell a soul. I'm still walking you home tomorrow."

"Fine."

"And the day after that."

"...Fine."

"And the day after--"

"I get it, I get it. You're stubborn," Chikara laughed. "This is my stop. I'll see you tomorrow."

Ryuu wrapped his arms around Chikara's torso, resting his chin on his shoulder. It had become a ritual, a quick embrace before they split ways. He was expecting Chikara to pull away as he always did, surprised to instead feel the weight of Chikara's arms still on his shoulders. "Hey, Ryuu?"

He was a sucker for hearing his nickname in that voice, especially as it floated so close to his ear. "Yeah, Chika?"

"This isn't going to get any easier," Chikara began, his fingers brushing the back of Ryuu's neck.  "I'll have even less time next year. I'll always want to keep it a secret. And when I leave for college... I don't think I can handle long distance." Ryuu ignored the twisting feeling in his stomach at the thought. Chikara continued, dropping to a whisper. "I completely understand if this isn't what you want."

He tightened his hold around Chikara. "I'm stubborn, remember? You're not getting away that easy."  

The sound of tires rolling on pavement caused Chikara to pull away, but he let one hand trail to Ryuu's chest where it remained. "If that changes... If this becomes too much, be honest with me about it."

"You worry too much," Ryuu repeated, assuring him with a smile. He was still close, Ryuu realized, close enough that if he just moved forward a little...

The hand on his chest pushed him away, but he flashed Ryuu a smirk, and Ryuu was certain he knew exactly how teasing it was this time. "Text me when you get home." He trailed his fingers down Ryuu's chest before turning away.

He watched Chikara walk away, unable to move as the feeling of fingers lingered against his chest and the fluttering in his stomach refused to subside. He slapped the sides of his face, attempting to regain his composure before the lonely walk back home.        

* * *

 

The match against Wakutani was terrifyingly close. Karasuno should be use to winning by the skin of their teeth now, with the points gap growing smaller and smaller as they advanced further through tournaments. But if they hadn't been able to recover, if they-- _No, I can't think about that now. We won, and Daichi's okay._

He had someone he needed to thank. "Oi, where's Ennoshita?"

He needed to thank Chikara for helping him get his head back in the game. He needed to thank him for the receives that helped them win. He needed to thank him for giving them all the chance to keep playing.

"He went to the bathroom. Maybe you should give him some space, he seemed kinda down."

 _Down?_ "Yeah, sure, I'll do that," Ryuu replied, doing just the opposite and heading down the hall.  

When he saw Chikara's reflection in the bathroom mirror, all the words he had prepared died on his tongue. The water splashed against his face wasn't enough to hide puffy eyes.

Chikara spun and grabbed him so abruptly he would have lost his footing, if not for the strong arms around his torso.  Chikara pressed his forehead against Ryuu's collarbone, fingers desperately clutching the back of his jersey. "Chika," he cooed, running a hand through black hair. "What is it?"

"I want to keep fighting." When Chikara's teary eyes met his, only inches away, he saw the spark of determination Ryuu rarely had the chance to witness.

He brought his hands to either side of Chikara's face, brushing away the tears of frustration that threatened to fall. Even swollen, his eyes were beautiful, so close now he could capture the details hidden in their darkness. "You will, Chika. We all have that chance, thanks to you."

"But I--"

"You saved our asses, over and over again. We won because of you." He hoped Chikara would hear the sincerity in his voice, hoped he would understand just how grateful he was for Chikara beside him, pushing him forward. "If it wasn't for you, I--"

Strong hands gripped Ryuu's waist and pushed him against the wall. Any words he thought to say were lost, his mind unable to process anything other than the wall against his back, the hands on his waist, the soft hair between his fingers, and the breath against his lips. Chikara was close, closer than he'd ever been before, and Ryuu dared to let his eyes flicker down to Chikara's lips.

Chikara caught the motion of his eyes and moved instantly, forcefully pressing his lips against Ryuu's.  

It was rough, and the angle awkward, but he could taste the salt and cool water on Chikara's lips, and it was far better than any daydream. He wanted nothing more than to stay in that moment, pressed tightly against each other, oblivious to the rest of the world moving along without them.  

All too suddenly Chikara pulled away, eyes shooting open in realization at what he'd just done. "I- I shouldn't have--"

Ryuu cut off the words with his own kiss, pulling Chikara towards him with the hands still on the back of his neck. It was gentler, but still rough, desperate to taste him again. Ryuu tilted his head for a better angle, and Chikara sighed, barely parting his lips to catch Ryuu's bottom lip between his own.  

When a shout from the hall startled Chikara, he pushed Ryuu away, lightly knocking his head against the wall. Ryuu winced, rubbing the wound but flashing Chikara a bashful grin. "That bad, huh?" he joked.

Chikara snickered. "Sorry, sorry." He pushed Ryuu's hand away to rub the back of his head, and Ryuu practically purred at the feeling of soothing fingers against his scalp. Chikara leaned in again, kissing his cheek, lingering a moment longer than necessary.  "For good luck. We have another match to win."

'Win' was just the right word to drag Ryuu back to reality with a crash landing.  "Alright!" he shouted. "I'm unstoppable now! I'll smash them to pieces!"

"You're ridiculous," Chikara sighed fondly, shoving the excitable Ryuu out the door.

* * *

 

"How about... Worst nightmare?"

"The 'actor's nightmare'. I'm on stage, and there's thousands of people watching, but I don't know the script."

"That's harsh. I thought it'd be about a pop quiz or something."

"Those are awful, too. What about you?"

"In the middle of the school hallway in just my boxers."

Chikara laughed. "But you - nevermind. Are we almost there?"

He'd finally had the chance to steal Chikara away, an evening for just the two of them, and he had the perfect plan. He wanted to grab his hand and run to their destination, just like in a shoujo manga, but honestly he'd already tried and it didn't end well for Ryuu. The back and forth of unusual questions (and occasional cat sighting) were all that kept him from breaking into excited giggles. "Almost. How many zombies do you think you could fight off? Normal zombies, nothing special."

Chikara quirked an eyebrow at him. "At once? Maybe three."

"I could fight off five at a time, at least. If we get into a zombie apocalypse, I'll protect you."

"I'm counting on you." Chikara gave that smirk he loved, which was unfortunate. Ryuu was convinced if he smiled any wider, his face would get stuck. All those years of practicing his glares, wasted. "Wait. You brought me to the beach?"

Seeing the wall of rock that marked his destination, he couldn't hold the giddy chuckles anymore, and neither could he resist grabbing Chikara's hand (again). Checking to make sure no one was around, he dragged the unsuspecting Chikara, laughing at his date's _(date's!)_ yelp of surprise.

Two walls of rock curved on either side of them, creating a space of solitude cut off from the world and leaving them alone with the view of the calm ocean that stretched on. "This is... amazing, Ryuu," Chikara mused.  "How did you find this?"

"I found it about two weeks ago, when I was lookin' for the perfect date spot." He laced his fingers with the warm hand that fit perfectly in his own. "I did a good job, huh?"

Chikara faced him, completely astonished. "But this isn't that close to... You really went hunting for the best spot?"

He flashed him a proud grin. "Took a couple weeks, but it was worth it just for the look on your face right now."

Chikara responded so quietly, Ryuu could barely hear over the steady waves crashing against the shore. "I didn't think this meant that much to you."

"Chika, _you_ mean so much to me," he heard himself say, his thoughts catching up to his mouth. _Alright, here goes._ He'd been rehearsing what he'd wanted to say in his head for weeks now - he was ready. He grabbed Chikara's other hand, facing him completely to look into his eyes.  

The eye contact was a mistake. He was certain he’d never grow tired of those gorgeous dark eyes looking directly at him, but right now it was terribly distracting. "You've-- I think that-- It's been-- Shit, can I start that over?"  

Chikara had the _audacity_ to smile at him, stepping closer so they were only inches apart. "Hmm, you can try," he hummed, and the remnants of Ryuu's speech was gone instantly.

"Damn it, Chika. It's like you know how bad I got it for you. You drive me crazy--"  

Since that first kiss a week ago, they'd been limited to the quickest of pecks stolen before departing for the day. Each was incredible to Ryuu, giving him butterflies in his stomach that haunted him for hours. But they only fueled his desire for more.  

But now Chikara was closing the distance, gently placing his lips on Ryuu's. Without the extra force, Ryuu could feel just how unbearably soft his lips were, easily fitting against his own. Chikara pulled away just enough to break the kiss, his lips still ghosting against Ryuu's. "Since last year, you... I tried not to..." he gave a defeated sigh, closing his eyes. "Can I start that over?"

Ryuu grinned, pleased to give Chikara a taste of his own medicine. "You can try," he purred.

"You drive me crazy, too. You always have. Now kiss me before I keep making an ass of myself."

Ryuu gladly obliged. He parted his lips just enough to catch Chikara's bottom lip between his own and was rewarded with a content sigh. Chikara released Ryuu's hands in favor of trailing his fingers up Ryuu's arms until they reached the back of his neck, fingertips brushing his nape.

Ryuu shouldn't have had a clue what to do. But he dreamed too long of this, imagining every detail, and now his body moved on its own accord. He dug his hands in Chikara's open jacket to his back, trailing his hands up, desperate to feel the muscle hidden under the thin cloth shirt. Hesitantly, he brushed his tongue along Chikara's lip, satisfied when Chikara gasped and opened his mouth in response.  

Chikara sought Ryuu's tongue with his own, humming with satisfaction at the contact, and Ryuu was certain he'd died and gone to heaven. He leisurely explored Chikara's mouth, relaxing into the slow kiss. Chikara was full of soft sighs and hums, running his hands over the back of Ryuu's scalp, fingernails gently catching the hairs.  

Ryuu never wanted to part, but eventually Chikara pulled away. Seeing Chikara breathless and blushing was almost worth the distance. He watched Chikara bite his lip, a pensive look Ryuu recognized, and suddenly he was aware of the fingers trembling on the back of his neck.  "So," Chikara began, his voice breathy, "what does this make us?"

Ryuu smiled, pressing a small kiss to Chikara's lips. "Be my man, Chikara."

Chikara hid his face in the crook of his neck. "How do you manage to make that sound so cool?"

Ryuu laughed, tightening his grip around Chikara's torso. "So, what's your answer gonna be?"

Chikara turned his head from its spot by his neck, looking up at him with a shy smile, and Ryuu's breath caught in his throat. "Sure. I'll be your man."

"Yes!" Ryuu cheered, laughing and trying to pick up Chikara, managing to lift him a few inches.

"What are you doing?! Put me down!" Chikara demanded, laughing.

"As you wish, lover boy," he cackled, letting the two of them fall onto the sand gracelessly. As the rest of the evening was spent lying side by side in the sand, laughing over shy eye contact and holding hands, Ryuu was convinced he was the luckiest man alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What could possibly go wrong?
> 
> Story will earn its Mature rating soon, and will be bumped to explicit soon after. But warnings will be provided for anyone who wants to skip NSFW parts.


	11. IV. Your Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings** for this chapter: Nothing too explicit yet, but things get a bit heated. If that's not your thing, skip from "The next round started" to "Ryuu frowned, pitching another ball".

To Ryuu, a relationship was supposed to be... brushing shoulders under an umbrella in the rain, nervously holding hands in a movie theater, sharing a milkshake in a small cafe.

Certainly it wasn't supposed to be getting destroyed in fighting games. "I thought you said you were good with I-No," Chikara teased.  

Playing video games with Chikara in his arms was better than any shoujo manga romance, he decided. Even if he was losing. "I'm just rusty, alright? I only get to play against Noya-san, and he sucks at this."  

"Hm. I didn't think you were the type for excuses."

"Alright, that's it. I'm gonna make you eat those words."

The next round started, and it was clear that victory through honest means wasn't going to happen. Playing dirty was going to be required, in the form of a distraction. With his chin already resting on Chikara's shoulder, it was easy to shift his head and let his breath ghost over his ear. Chikara froze in his arms. _That good or bad? Time to find out the hard way._ He pressed his lips to Chikara's ear and still no reaction he could see - but his character on the screen stopped moving as well. Ryuu tried another kiss, and there it was, a sigh he could barely hear. Ryuu kissed a little lower, where his ear met his jaw, and Chikara dropped his controller, tilting his head to the side to give Ryuu better access.

The game could wait. Ryuu trailed lower to nip at his neck, and Chikara gasped in response. He nipped again, lower and lower, until he found a spot that made Chikara arch his back against his chest. He sucked on the skin, and Chikara _moaned_. Ryuu made it his new mission to hear that sound over and over again.  

"D-don't leave a mark, Ryuu."

Ryuu growled in response, nipping lightly at the skin again. There was that moan again, and he didn't want to hold back, but he would for Chikara's sake. He kissed the skin instead, slipping his tongue against it. Chikara’s whimper in response made him aware just how hard he was already, savoring each little sound he made. Chikara said nothing about him being pressed against his lower back, but he must have felt it.

_If I'm already like this, Chikara must be, too._ He dipped his hand lower, past Chikara's belt over his pants, and he was definitely hard, too. Chikara arched his back again with another loud moan at the contact. Chikara was _noisy,_ and Ryuu couldn't get enough of it. Ryuu always thought he would be noisy, as he was with everything else, but he didn't compare. He grabbed Chikara through his pants, rewarded with him whimpering his name.

"Wait." He grabbed Ryuu's wrist, pulling his hand away. "We shouldn't..." When Ryuu made a whiney noise in the back of his throat, Chikara continued, "I told myself I shouldn't do this for too long. I really want to keep going, but..."

Chikara’s hesitance cleared some of Ryuu’s lust-filled haze. He wanted to touch him badly, but he wanted him to be comfortable far more. "Chika, look at me." He was surprised to hear how raspy his voice had become. Ryuu brought his hand to his chin, gently nudging Chikara to face him best he could in their position. "Don't make yourself do anything you're not ready for, alright? Take your time cause I'm not going anywhere." He brushed a strand of hair behind his ear.

A hint of a smug smirk graced Chikara's lips, and Ryuu exhaled in relief. "I can't get rid of you that easily, huh?"  

Ryuu grinned back. "Not a chance." He kissed his cheek, satisfied when Chikara was finally smiling back in full. "You take all the time you need. And when you're ready for… whatever, you don't need to worry about a thing. We can stop whenever you want. And no one will see us here. Alright? You're safe here."

Chikara turned in his arms to face him completely, eyes flickering down between Ryuu's legs. Ryuu didn't have time to be embarrassed about Chikara's gaze on his erection; when Chikara grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him forcefully, he realized he was nowhere near done after all. Chikara pushed his shoulder, urging him to lie down. Chikara hovered over him, ducking his head to kiss Ryuu's neck. With the feeling of tongue on his skin he let out a low whine, and Chikara took it as encouragement.

He dragged his tongue up his neck till he reached his ear, nipping at his earlobe, and damn if that wasn't just the spot. He dug his fingertips into the shirt on Chikara's back, pushing him down completely against him. Chikara gasped in his ear, and Ryuu thrust his hips, desperate for both more friction and his gasps. Chikara thrust back, again and again at a sloppy and unsteady pace.

With Chikara's mouth working on his neck and ear, Ryuu was completely at his mercy, unable to do anything more than clutch his back and whimper his name. He trailed his hands to Chikara's ass, grabbing as he pushed him down. Chikara shuddered above him as he came, his moan muffled as he bit Ryuu's shoulder. Biting was definitely something Ryuu could get use to, he decided, thrusting up one last time as he came, too.

* * *

 

"Again."

Ryuu frowned, pitching another ball directly towards Noya's bat. Noya swung hard but too fast, just knicking the ball.  

"Again."

"C'mon, man, let's go running instead."

Noya snarled, piercing eyes glaring at Ryuu. He was gripping the bat so tightly, Ryuu could see it shaking. "Why the hell would we go running?"

"Cause I know you just wanna hit something, and running calms you down." He felt for his friend, really, whatever was bothering him must have been bad. But Noya's silence was gnawing away at him.

"Just throw the damn ball, Ryuu."

Ryuu sighed, pitching the ball again. This time, Noya missed completely, growling in frustration.  "Noya-san, we've been at this for half an hour. You wanna tell me what's going on?"

"I fucked up, Ryuu."

"Eh?"

"I said I fucked up!" he shouted this time, slamming the bat against the grass. He repeated himself, slamming the bat after each word. "I," whack, "FUCKED", whack, "UP," whack. He threw the bat against the wooden fence with a loud thud.

"I was walking down the hall, and I saw... Shit, I can't believe I thought, maybe I still had a chance, you know?" Noya's voice threatened to crack, and he bit his lip, hard, taking a moment to attempt to compose himself. "I saw Asahi-san, and there was this girl. And he gave her this look, like... He used to look at me that way. That's it, that's what's been so fucking different lately with him. He used to look at me that way, and now, it's for someone else." He covered his eyes with his arm, his voice cracking again. "I probably had a chance. And now it's gone."

_Shit._ Ryuu closed the distance and wrapped his arms around the tiny frame. Noya leaned against him, silently sobbing. Ryuu rubbed his back, unsure of what to say. "You wanna go inside?"

"Nah, just," Noya hiccuped, wiping his eyes. "Just give me a couple minutes."

When he felt the shaking stop, he wasn't sure if he should open his mouth. "Noya-san, if he looked at you like that before, then maybe there’s still a shot."

Noya shook his head against Ryuu's chest. "No way." His voice was mostly steady, interrupted by sniffling. "That would be a dick move. He's got... Let's do something. I need a distraction."

 

The distraction came in the form of five teenagers piled into Noya's room, taking turns playing a horror game. It was a perfect distraction; Noya was terrible at the game, Kinoshita was perpetually lost, and Ryuu's scream had the highest pitch. Noya was laughing again, loud and unrestrained, and it worth the few years of Ryuu's life he lost from that last ghost attack.

And in the cramped room lit only by the dark screen, sitting on the floor, he could lean against Chikara, holding his hand out of the sight of others. Ryuu ran his other hand through Noya's hair, the libero resting his head on his lap. Noya relaxed at the touch, absorbed in the actions on the screen.

Chikara looked at Noya sympathetically. Noya hadn't told them what happened, but Chikara was quick to pick of the hints. "Asahi-san?" he asked in the quietest whisper to Ryuu, leaning closer. He nodded, and the concerned look Chikara gave made him want to reach out, to brush his thumb over his cheek.  

"Reminds me how lucky I am to have you," he whispered back. Being only inches apart but unable to kiss him was torture.

He hadn't expected Chikara to be startled by the words. "Lucky? I'm a paranoid mess that never has time."

"That makes the bit of time we get together even better."

"You're such a sap." Chikara's smile betrayed him, and the darkness of the room couldn't hide his blush. Ryuu could have stayed just like that for hours - shoulders pressed together, feeling Chikara's thumb trace figures on his wrist, watching Chikara give that smile that was just for him.  

Looking into his eyes was the best part. Chikara had never dared to look that long with others near before, and the longer the eye contact held, the weaker Ryuu felt, watching the dark eyes that enchanted him search his own.

When Chikara brought his hand to his jaw, slowly closing the distance, Ryuu swore his heart stopped completely. Chikara's kiss was firm, no hint of hesitation as he brought his lips to Ryuu's.  Ryuu couldn't help his sigh, bringing his hand from Noya's hair to Chikara's hand as he returned the kiss.

A low whistle from his lap broke the moment. "Nice view!"

Chikara's glare at Noya shattered when Kinoshita piped in. "Oi, Ennoshita." Chikara looked like a deer in headlights. "You can do better than Tanaka," he joked.

"Way better," Narita agreed. Noya laughed, and it was Ryuu's turn to glare.

"I disagree. I think I'm pretty lucky."

Ryuu moved so quickly, he practically threw Noya to climb onto Chikara's lap. His kiss was forceful, holding Chikara's face in place with both of his hands. Chikara's hands seemed reluctant at first to find their way around him, encouraged by the whistles and cheers of their friends.

"It's my turn to kiss Chikara!"

"No chance in hell, Noya-san!"

* * *

 

Between games, practice, and school, graduation for the third years came too quickly. And with it, it's unspoken countdown.

"When are you gonna give me another part, Chika?"

"When you learn how to act. You're terrible." Chikara sighed, scratching notes into the margins of his notebook. "Might not have a choice though, now that Asahi-san is gone."

His brows were furrowed as he concentrated on his notebook, lying on his stomach on Ryuu's futon. Ryuu stayed on his side, running his hand over Chikara's back, massaging lightly. "I know how to act! I remember all my lines!"

"You forget them the moment your cue comes. And you don't get into character, at all." Chikara side-eyed him, smirking, "It's too bad, really. You're my best looking actor."

"Chika!" Ryuu tackled him, shoving him onto his back and showering him with playful kisses over his face.  

Chikara tried to push him away, laughing. "Alright, alright, I've learned my lesson about giving you compliments!"  

Ryuu grinned triumphantly, settling on top of Chikara and resting his head on his chest. Their hands naturally found each other as they always did, loosely tangling their fingers. Chikara's free hand snuck under his tanktop, gently running his fingers over the skin of his back. Ryuu relaxed at the touch; Chikara's fingers were always moving, from soothingly tracing designs to digging into his skin, and it always had an effect on him.

It was nice, to simply lay like this, with no pressure to do anything more. 'More' was fun, certainly. But the calm feeling of just being near - whether they were talking and laughing or just doing homework together - had it's own charm. It felt comfortable. It felt secure.

It felt as though their time wasn't limited.

"Hey, Chika." He tried to sound casual, but his voice was already failing him. He hated the twisting feeling in his gut. He knew it was best not to ask. "What you said before, about college..."

For a moment, the fingers on his back paused their motion, as did the slow rise and fall of Chikara's chest beneath him. "Ryuu..."

"You're not staying in Miyagi, huh?"

Chikara's response was slow, hesitant. "Most likely not."

"And you said, about not dating after school high school..." Little details about their conversations faded from memory with time, but Chikara saying he wouldn't try long distance was carved into his mind. A crack often overlooked, but still present, silently reminding him not everything was as perfect as he dared to hope.

"Ryuu." Chikara gently spun them over to their sides. The hand grabbing Ryuu's waist wasn't as gentle. Chikara refused to look him in the eyes, instead hiding his face in the crook of Ryuu's neck. "You know you're important to me, right?  I don't say it enough, but..."

"Chika, please. Just tell me."

"I want to focus on school, Ryuu. I won't have the time for anything. Even less so than now."

"You won't even try?"

Shaky fingers tightening the grip on his waist were answer enough. "Ryuu..."

"How's that any different from running like before?"

"Because I'd be forced to watch us fall apart, bit by bit. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I couldn't do that, to you or to me." Chikara's hand slid up his back. "Am I making sense?"

"Yeah. But I don't like it." Ryuu was willing to push, but if their argument before taught him anything, it was that there were limits. Ryuu brought his arms between them to press the heels of his palms to his eyes. It was too soon to think about losing this.

"Oh, Ryuu." He pressed his lips to Ryuu's forehead and held him tightly against his chest. His hands were still shaking. "If... If you want to stop this--"

Ryuu interrupted him with a rough kiss, pushing aside his self-pity. Right now, Chikara's insecurity hurt more than whatever awaited them in one year. "We just gotta enjoy our time till then."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long distance is great, but not for everyone.
> 
> I feel the need to say this, even if it seems spoilery, but the "Happy Ending" and "Eventual Romance" tags DO go hand-in-hand, and also applies to AsaNoya.


	12. V. Your Worries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating bumped up to Explicit.
> 
> **Warnings for this chapter:** Things get NSFW between "It was a line never crossed." and "It was strange just how quickly" if you wish to skip it.

Chikara took the reins of leadership naturally, to the surprise of no one. As with everything he did, he was subtle, using only a few words to encourage the team or settle them down. His presence was exactly what the current Karasuno needed, and he gave it his all, as Daichi did before him.  

Ryuu was certain he was doing a damn good job himself as vice captain. Where his partner was subtle, he was boisterous, with a different brand of encouragement and ability to hype up the team (except Tsukishima). Ryuu was convinced they were the perfect combo.

It was haunting just how often Suga's advice rang true, and Ryuu was beginning to believe Suga had the ability to see the future. From the little quirks to larger setbacks, Suga had called them all.  It was also strange to hear Suga talk about Daichi losing confidence, or needing a push. He was starting to understand the solid bond Suga and Daichi shared, something beyond friends and teammates.  

"If I had known I wouldn't get a chance to practice, I wouldn't have bothered changing," Chikara sighed. Between talking from one person to the next over team matters, he had been too busy for anything else.

"You shoulda let me help."

"There was no need to drag you from practice, too. Besides, we need to keep our ace in top shape." Ryuu leaned into the warm hands suddenly on his bare shoulder blades. He practically purred as Chikara massaged roughly. "And you need to stretch your shoulders extra if you're going to keep up with those sharp crosses. You can hurt yourself if you're not careful."

Ryuu made a mental note to ask for massages more often; Chikara was good at this. "You worry too much, Chika."

"I do." He hadn't expected Chikara to agree.

He also hadn't expected the kiss between his shoulder blades.

It was a line never crossed. Despite all the times they were the last two left in the clubroom, alone and changing clothes, it had been an unspoken agreement to not touch. Maybe it was out of professionalism, maybe it was out of Chikara's paranoia.  

But Ryuu had desperately wanted to make a mess of his captain in the clubroom, and the lips on his skin sparked a fire. "Let me help you out of those clothes, Captain," he purred, shoving Chikara against the lockers, leaving no space between them. Whatever Chikara was about to say was lost as Ryuu's mouth closed in on his, instantly invading with his tongue.  

Chikara seemed unsure if he should kiss back until Ryuu's hands slid up his sides. Ryuu tugged at the shirt, and Chikara raised his arms obediently, breaking the kiss to let Ryuu peel his shirt off. Ryuu pressed roughly against him, crushing him against the locker. Chikara moaned, the first of the night, and Ryuu knew the fun was just beginning. "Chikara, you're so noisy," he teased. "Be quiet or someone'll hear."

"Make me." Ryuu happily obliged, continuing his aggressive kiss. A low growl escaped Ryuu's lips when Chikara dug his fingers into his back, and he thrust forward, satisfied with Chikara's sharp gasp. Chikara almost always set the pace; this time, he wanted control, to spoil Chikara and have him begging.

He hooked his fingers onto Chikara's shorts, pulling both shorts and briefs until he was exposed completely. He let his fingers linger on his hips, never touching directly. He was winning; Chikara's kiss grew weaker, too distracted by the feel of only Ryuu's boxers separating them. He broke the kiss, smirking at the hazy, half-lidded stare Chikara gave him. He moved to Chikara's neck, nipping lightly, trailing down to his collarbone. Chikara moaned more, clutching his shoulders.  

"Now, now. Stop being so rowdy, Captain," he purred, bringing his thumb to Chikara's lips. Chikara took the thumb into his mouth, and the feeling of Chikara's tongue was almost too much.  Trying to stay in control when his boyfriend drove him so _crazy_ was a challenge. He sucked the skin on his collarbone and worked lower still, trying his best to keep his composure.  

The mouth around his thumb gave him an idea. He brought his lips to the center of Chikara's chest and began kissing his way down until he was on his knees, freeing his thumb along the way and grabbing Chikara's waist with both hands. Chikara looked down at him, biting a finger to stifle his moan at the sight of Ryuu looking back up at him wickedly. Ryuu slowly traced a circle around his navel with his tongue, and started to trail lower even slower, purposely avoiding all contact with his exposed erection. Chikara bit his finger harder, his knees shaking.

The two had gotten familiar with each others' bodies over the past few months, growing comfortable and learning just what made the other tick. Handjobs were becoming common, but it was the furthest they'd explored. Despite all the fooling around they'd done, the idea of taking another man into his mouth still seemed strange. But his curiosity was winning over his reluctance, and making Chikara a complete mess was still his goal.  

He gave an experimental lick on the shaft in front of him, and Chikara's reaction was instantaneous. The finger he was biting did nothing to hide his moan this time, and he arched his back beautifully. So far, it was no different from licking anything else, except for the perfect way Chikara reacted. Ryuu pinned his hips against the lockers firmly and gave another lick, longer this time, and this moan was just as good.

_Alright, here goes._ Not giving himself time to hesitate, he quickly took a few inches of Chikara's cock into his mouth. _"Ryuu,"_ Chikara practically sang, squirming against Ryuu's hold on his hips, and Ryuu decided he could get used to doing this. Up, and then down again, a little deeper this time, sloppy and wet at an unsteady pace, but Chikara was quickly unravelling. Ryuu was rapidly growing to like the taste of his skin and the feeling of him filling his mouth. He tried again, too deep and too fast, coughing and pulling off.

Chikara was _laughing._ Ryuu looked up at him, trying to glare as he coughed, but it was difficult when he looked so _cute._ Cheeks flushed, hair disheveled, and smiling so genuinely down at him.  "Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't--" he tried, interrupted by his own amused snort.

Ryuu grinned back mischievously. "I'll show you not to laugh at me," he teased, voice low. Ryuu gave the lightest lick up the shaft, and Chikara's laughter transformed into a pleased gasp and sigh. Ryuu repeated the motion, using only the tip of his tongue.  

"Ryuu," Chikara gasped, squirming against the hold on his hips more. Ryuu flicked his tongue again. "Ryuu, _please._ "

That was something he didn't hear often, not in bedroom matters. Ryuu brought a hand to his own cock. "Please what, Captain?" When Chikara whimpered in response, he began stroking himself, relishing the sound of his lover. "What was that? I didn't hear you."

"Please suck my dick," Chikara whined, embarrassed, and Ryuu couldn't restrain himself anymore. He took Chikara in his mouth again, and he reacted magnificently as always, moaning his name and arching his back against the lockers again. Ryuu set a careful pace this time, holding the base of Chikara's cock steady. Chikara's hands were on his head, running blunt fingernails over his scalp. This was _definitely_ something he could get used to. With the way Chikara was moaning and moving, he wasn't going to last long himself.

When Chikara began thrusting into his mouth, he quickened the pace as he stroked himself. He came into his hand, moaning around Chikara's cock, and Chikara soon followed. "Ryuu, I-- I'm gonna--" he gasped. Ryuu took him in deeper, feeling the warm liquid hit the back of his throat.  

Chikara shuddered, sinking to the ground and covering his face with his hands. "I can't believe that just happened."

Ryuu laughed, blushing. "Was it good?"

Chikara groaned. "I think my legs stopped working." He dropped his hands in favor of lifting his shorts back up to his waist. "And I can't believe you just..."

"Hey, I just put your dick in my mouth. No sense acting all embarrassed about it now."

"You say that, but you should see how red your face is," he quipped. "And you actually... swallowed it. Was it gross?"

Ryuu shrugged. "It was uh... too deep. Couldn't taste it."

"Now who's acting embarrassed?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm embarrassed. But you can't walk, so I win," he laughed. "Speaking of gross," he held up his messy hand, wiggling his fingers for emphasis. "I should clean up."  

"Wait. I want to..." He grabbed Ryuu's wrist, pulling it towards him. He hesitantly licked at the mess on his palm.

Ryuu gulped, entranced by the view and the feeling of the tongue on his palm. "I-is it gross?" he stuttered.

Chikara gave him a devious smirk, and Ryuu knew he was in trouble. Chikara licked again, this time between his fingers, before replying. "It's not so bad."

He whimpered. "Not fair, Chikara." He was going to have trouble walking home now, too.

* * *

 

It was strange just how quickly someone's perspective on life could change.

Shaky fingers struggled to press the keys that were far too loud, trying to hide the screen that's far too bright. "Hello? What's your emergency?"  

He had spent the night home alone before, and this night was supposed to be no different.

Alone. With no lights on, and no car in the driveway. An ideal target for a robbery.

"Someone's breaking in, there's four or five of 'em," he whispered. He felt like a coward, holed up in his closet. Worse, he felt _weak,_ years of playing sports and building strength amounting to nothing when he needed it most. He may be reckless, and not always the brightest, but he knew his chances against four people. "They don't know I'm inside."

He was a man of _action._ Not this. He wasn't supposed to be some wimp, hiding away. "Sir, help is on the way. Please stay on the line."  

He didn't want to stay on the line. He wanted to call Chikara. Chikara could always help him calm down, and he needed to hear his voice. With every sound coming from just the next room, from the scuffle of feet to the low voices of the strangers, Ryuu pressed harder against the wall as if he could sink into it.

He heard them cross the threshold to his room, and he held his breath. He regretted not closing his door. He regretted not keeping the lights on. He regretted not asking to stay at Noya's for the night. The footsteps reached the thin closet door and he knew, he knew that this was it.

The door opened, and only one man stood before him. He wasn't that big, and Ryuu was sick of hesitating. Dropping the phone, he struck out hard, his fist connecting with the thief's jaw and sending him stumbling back. It was a solid hit, his knuckles stung and the thief looked bewildered.

But the thief was still standing, and the others were rushing in. _Shit shit shit--_

And then it happened. Like every cheesy action flick, the heroes arrived, the light from the doorway creating dramatic silhouettes. The police moved in, shouting demands at the thieves and restraining them, and all Ryuu could do was stand there, dumbfounded, holding his bruising hand. He was the nameless side character, left standing in awe.

It was just so surreal. "You're the one who lives here?"

"Yeah," he replied numbly.  

"Mind coming down to the station with us for some questions?"

* * *

 

It was always bizarre, to have something different happen to him and the rest of the world just carried on, disinterested. The police station only made it feel stranger. The officer asked Ryuu questions about the break-in casually, as if remarking on the weather. Dull fluorescent lights flickered overhead while the receptionist and an officer held a casual conversation, giving it a boring office feel. There was a man in handcuffs relaxing on a bench, as if he was just part of the scenery. The police station felt detached from the rest of the normal world Ryuu knew.

Despite it all, it was sanctuary. Ryuu couldn't put his finger on why, be he felt a sense of peace in the unusual atmosphere of the station. He would have gladly stayed for the night, but he had someone he needed to see.

"Relax, Sis, I'm fine," he repeated, holding the phone away from his ear. Saeko could reach impressive volumes when she wanted. "Don't bother rushin' over, I'm fine. I'll call you back in the morning, alright?" Saeko was a few hours away, but he knew she would hurry over anyways. _Maybe I shouldn't have called her yet._  

Finally, he could call the person he wanted to hear the most.  "Hey, Chika. Yeah, I know it's two in the morning, just hear me out..."

* * *

 

There was something comforting about seeing Chikara pacing back and forth outside in his pajamas. Someone he cared so much for worrying about him, waiting just for him to show up safe. Even if it wasn't his house, it felt like coming home.

With Chikara's arms around him, everything started to feel natural again. Despite the crushing embrace, he could finally catch his breath. He rested his chin on Chikara's shoulder, wrapping his arms over his boyfriend's. "I'm fine, Chika."

"I want to believe you," he sighed, rubbing Ryuu's back. "Let me see your hand."

"I'm _fine,_ Chika," he repeated, reluctantly breaking his hold to show his hand. "Knuckles are a little bruised, that's all."

"I can't believe you punched one of them," Chikara mused, gingerly taking Ryuu's hand.  

"Yeah, well, what was I supposed to do? They already saw me. But look, everything's alright."  He wiggled his fingers for show. "Shouldn't we be careful? Your parents might see us."

"Ryuu, that's the least of my worries right now."

For what seemed like the hundredth time that night, Ryuu was left dumbfounded. Chikara _always_ worried about his parents finding out. He took extra efforts to make them look less suspicious. He chose to spend Christmas Eve and Valentine's Day apart. He refused to invite Ryuu over alone, only in groups. All to avoid suspicion.

But right now, Ryuu was all he cared about, waiting in the dead of night just to hold him and see him safe. And though Ryuu surprised himself when the words slipped from his mouth, he was more surprised he hadn't said them until now. "I love you."

It was Chikara's turn to stand there, dumbfounded. He opened his mouth, only able to stutter.  "Wh-- I-- Hu--"

Ryuu brought his hands to Chikara's face, running a thumb along his cheek. He felt his hands begin to shake, the weight of the the words sinking deeper. "Having you here... When you're... I mean... _Shit_."  He groaned, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against Chikara's. "Can I start that over?"

Chikara's laugh was worth any embarrassment. "Just say it again. That's more than enough for me right now."

He laughed with relief, gladly repeating himself. "I love you, Chikara."

His bright smile took Ryuu's breath away. "I love you too, Ryuu." He immediately brought his forehead to Ryuu's shoulder, hiding his face. "We should, uh. Go inside. I told my parents you were sleeping over."

"C'mon, Director-san, can't handle a romance scene?"

"Or you can sleep outside."

With the door locked and the guest futon abandoned, Chikara led him to the bed. "I'd offer you pajamas, but you probably sleep in your boxers."

"How'd you know?!"

"Lucky guess." He laid down, making space for Ryuu beside him.  

Ryuu hadn't realized how tired he felt until he saw the picture perfect view of his sleepy-looking lover waiting for him in bed. He crawled in beside him, their arms instantly finding their way around each other. He drifted to sleep easily, feeling safe again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the sweet comments and kudos, how are you people so lovely it's illegal


	13. VI. Your Time pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings for this chapter:** NSFW bit between "Chikara was cruel" and "Whatever comforting words Ryuu wanted to say".
> 
> If you DO read the NSFW, the boys play a little rough. Biting/scratching mentions.
> 
> Also... Please remember this takes place in Japan. So mentions of police have nothing to do with police issues in other countries.

"I knew you'd stick around, Captain!" Noya's enthusiastic slap on the back sent Chikara stumbling forward.  

He rubbed his stinging back, wincing. "I spent too long warming that bench to give up my spot now."

With the first tournament of the year over, most third years on other teams had retired to focus on studies. "Are you sure you can handle school and being captain?" Narita asked as they walked down the hall.

"I should be fine. I'll have less time to hang out, though." He looked to Ryuu specifically.

"We'd rather hang out with you on the court, Captain." His response was mostly genuine; he'd miss the extra time together, but playing and leading the team with him was worth the sacrifice. Yaku may not have been right about everything, in Ryuu's opinion, but he was right about that. A victory won together was better than any make-out session.

"Are you going to university for directing, Ennoshita?" Narita continued his line of questioning. _It's too early to think about university._ Between volleyball and school keeping them busy, the months were passing by far too quickly for them. The scarce time they had together never felt like enough.

As if reading his mind, Chikara squeezed Ryuu’s shoulder. "Hopefully. I'd like to try my hand at a few other roles, too."  

"Ryuu and I are going to keep playing volleyball, right?" Noya grinned, punching his arm.

Before, he loved the idea of playing professionally. Getting paid to play volleyball, focusing completely on practice and winning? It was the dream. "Actually, I kinda wanna be a police officer."  

The others looked at him, baffled. He had only mentioned the break-in once, but he could never forget it. The helplessness, the moment of relief when the police arrived, the welcoming feel of the station - he thought of it every day. And what if it was someone else in his shoes? The thought of someone like cheerful Hinata or timid Yachi in a dangerous situation, paralyzed by fear made his heart ache.  

Chikara looked pensive, scratching behind his ear. "I think it's rather fitting for you, actually. I'm surprised you'd pick that over volleyball, though."

He shrugged. "I love volleyball, but it didn't do me much good that night. And it wouldn't do others much good either."

"That's-- whoa, hey," Chikara interrupted himself, grabbing Ryuu's arm before he could slip down the stairs. Ryuu stumbled back before finding his footing, looking at the stairs in disbelief. "And history repeats itself."

Ryuu grinned at him, dramatically draping his arms over Chikara's shoulders. "My hero deserves a kiss!"

"I'll let you fall next time," he quipped, pulling Ryuu's arms off of him but keeping his grip on his wrists. "Do you guys mind going on ahead?" Narita and Kinoshita nodded, dragging Noya along with them.

"What's going on?" Ryuu asked, surprised at the lingering contact.

Chikara looked around the empty hallway before back to Ryuu. "Just a little nostalgia. Your literal trip down memory lane just now reminded me of something." He lightly squeezed Ryuu's wrists before letting go. "Do you remember that first match against each other?"

"How could I forget it? I completely screwed up my first spike in high school," he laughed, scratching the back of his head.

Chikara gave a smile that was one of Ryuu's favorites - a little shy, but still a little smug, and it was just for him. "I never told you, but that's when... That's when I started to like you."

Ryuu felt himself grinning like an idiot. "Really? Even though I messed up that spike?"

"Yes, even though you messed up that spike." Chikara laughing with that smile was a cruel combo. "You encouraged me. You made me laugh... And you were pretty good looking."

"Chika!" Ryuu tried to close the distance, but Chikara pushed him away, letting his hands stay on his chest.

"Don't even think about it," he teased, splaying his hands over Ryuu's chest before dropping them. "You were hell for me, do you realize that? You have no sense of personal space. It was torture."

"But I'm all yours now," he purred, trying to get closer again.

Chikara playfully pushed him a little harder this time. "Let's go before someone starts looking for us. Think you can make it down the stairs all by yourself this time?"

_Ten months left._

* * *

 

Chikara was _cruel._ He'd refined his knowledge of Ryuu's body into a weapon, expertly using it to turn him into a quivering mess. Dull fingernails scratched down his chest and teeth bit into the back of his neck as the water washed over them. Ryuu leaned his weight on his hands against the shower wall and bit his lip, trying to muffle his groan.  

"Louder," Chikara demanded behind him. He bit his neck again and gripped his sides tightly, fingertips pressing hard into the skin. Ryuu made no attempt to muffle himself this time, his low moan earning him a satisfied hum from Chikara. "Good. But you can do better." His hands slid lower, roughly dragging his fingers along the skin. The hands reached his waist, travelling close but not close enough. One hand slid further still to Ryuu's thigh, and he whimpered in anticipation as Chikara's fingers leisurely made their way to his balls, brushing over so gently in contrast to the fingers digging into his waist. He continued to brush over, painstakingly slow and gentle, until Ryuu's knees began to shake.  

"Chika, please," he whined, leaning against the man behind him. Chikara gasped when he pressed against him completely, Ryuu's ass rubbing against his cock.  

"Please what?" he teased, nipping his earlobe.

"Touch me, Chikara, _please,_ " he whimpered, rubbing deliberately against Chikara to make him moan.

A loud growl escaped his lips when Chikara finally grabbed the base of his cock. "Just like that. Don't hold back." His firm grip was just right, but the way he stroked upwards painfully slowly made Ryuu weak. Chikara ran his thumb over the sensitive head before stroking back down, deliberately teasing and taking his time. He continued stroking, gradually picking up speed, rewarding Ryuu with an extra squeeze for every loud moan and growl. It wasn't long before Ryuu was reduced to nothing more than a whimpering mess as he leaned against Chikara for support. "I have you," Chikara reassured him, holding him tightly against his chest.  

Chikara's steady pace built him up more and more, until the sharp gasps in his ear and the dull nails digging into his chest sent him over the edge. "Chikara," he whined, and that was all his lover needed. Chikara bit hard into his shoulder as he quickened the pace, and Ryuu came, shuddering in Chikara's hold.

Chikara kissed his shoulder over the bite mark. "Er, sorry. I think I bit too hard this time."

"Shit, Chikara, that was amazing," he breathed, leaning his head back on his lover's shoulder. "Don't you dare apologize for that bite."

"I left a mark."  

Ryuu grinned, turning in Chikara's arms. "Judging by _this,_ " he remarked, grabbing Chikara's erection, "I think you like leaving marks. You played real rough tonight."  

Chikara moaned at the sudden contact, wrapping his arms over Ryuu's shoulders. "Was it too rough?"

"Nah, it was perfect," he purred, lazily stroking Chikara's cock. Chikara moaned again, bringing his open mouth to Ryuu's in a weak kiss, distracted by Ryuu's hand. Ryuu gently nipped at his lip before pulling away. "Still wanna try?"

"Mm, yes," he sighed contently, looking at Ryuu through half-lidded eyes. Almost the perfect view; his lips weren't swollen enough yet for Ryuu's liking. As the words registered slowly in his mind, Chikara's eyes widened a little, facing away from Ryuu. "That's, uh. Only if you want to. This is embarrassing."

Ryuu brought both of his hands to Chikara's ass and squeezed lightly, making him gasp. "I definitely want to." He squeezed tighter, letting his fingers trail lower. "We can stop any time, remember? Let's give this a shot."

Chikara rested his head on Ryuu's shoulder, still facing away. "Let's go before I change my mind."

"You've been doing this yourself, right?"

"But this is embar-- aah," he sighed, feeling Ryuu's finger against his entrance. Ryuu experimentally ran his finger over again, satisfied with the way Chikara shuddered in his arms. Chikara warned he was sensitive, and Ryuu was eager to please him. He barely pressed the tip of his finger inside, massaging Chikara's ass with his other hand. "Stop teasing, Ryuu."

"Look who's talking." He pressed a little deeper, feeling the tight ring of muscle resisting around his finger. "You need to relax, Chika."

"I _am_ relaxed," he complained into Ryuu's shoulder. Ryuu let go of his ass in favor of tugging his hair gently. Chikara hummed at the motion, giving Ryuu a half-lidded stare again before pressing a lazy kiss to his lips, distractedly searching his mouth with his tongue. Ryuu pulled his finger out to rub over his entrance again, relishing the way Chikara moaned against his mouth. He lightly tugged at Chikara's hair again, deepening the kiss as he teased with his finger, satisfied when Chikara began to whimper. He slipped the tip of his finger back in, easier this time, and Chikara moaned loudly, bringing down a hand to stroke himself.  

"Now _this_ view is perfect," Ryuu thought aloud. The shower's water washing over Chikara's toned body, his lips red and swollen from his kiss, his hand unsteadily stroking himself, and his lust-filled stare that was only for Ryuu. Ryuu leisurely explored with his finger, going deeper and taking note of what made him squirm and moan. When he found the spot that made Chikara's legs shake, he massaged it at the slow pace Chikara was so fond of, holding him tightly against his chest for support. "I've got you," he reassured him, sucking on his neck.  

" _Ryuu,_ " he cried, shuddering as he came over Ryuu's stomach. He leaned forward, resting his head on Ryuu's shoulder as he caught his breath.

Ryuu held him close, appreciating the feel of their naked bodies pressed together. "Good?" he asked, rubbing his back.  

"We're definitely doing that again," he said, pausing. "Except now I'm starting to feel embarrassed."

Whatever comforting words Ryuu wanted to say were interrupted by cheering outside the bathroom door. "Woo! My baby brother scored a hottie! Ryuu caught himself a captain!"

The two froze in horror. "Please just kill me now."

_Nine months left._

* * *

 

"I didn't miss this," Chikara sighed, lying on the grass as he caught his breath. Ryuu only grunted in response, lying face-first beside him. They were doing better this time at the Tokyo Away Games, but they still lost as much as they won. Chikara shifted to his side, resting his head on his arm. "That last spike was really impressive."

"It was out of bounds."

"Still impressive." Chikara reached over, kneading Ryuu's back roughly.  

Chikara's massages were a blessing. "To the right a little," he cooed. Chikara had begun to give little touches like this one freely, once he realized the team neither noticed nor cared. To anyone besides the third-years, he was simply reflecting Ryuu's friendly touchy-feely nature.

_Lot's changed in a year._ "Hey, Chika?"

"Hm?" Chikara massaged lower, hitting just the right spot. Ryuu was pretty sure he was drooling, too content to care.  

"It's been a year since then."  

"Since...?" His eyes widened at the realization, looking around to make sure no one was in earshot before continuing his one-handed massage. "That's..." he let the word trail away, unsure of what to say.

"Yeah, tell me about it," Ryuu mused. "I can't believe you held my hand first. You would get all tense whenever I went near ya."

Chikara's hand stopped, resting on his back. "A lot has changed in a year, huh?"

"Only for the better," he responded with a smirk. They still shared earbuds as they slept beside each other. Ryuu would still wake him up before Noya insisted on starting his morning with a bang. They still shared bashful smiles and laughed at their awkwardness. But now, they laced their fingers together under the covers, stole glances of each other in the bath, and shyly whispered 'I love you's before bed.

And most importantly, when they went home, Chikara would hold him tightly without an ounce of insecurity, finally certain that he was stuck with Ryuu for as long as he'd have him.

Chikara's whisper almost slipped past his ear. "Thank you."

Ryuu scooched over - probably too close, only leaving a few inches between the two. If Chikara minded, he was too worn out to care. "What's with the thanks?"

"For not letting me run away." The hand on his back retreated as Chikara sat up reluctantly. "For giving me this year I never expected."

"I'm only getting started, Chika. We got plenty of time."  

_Eight months left._


	14. VII. Your Time pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1/7 of mega update
> 
>  **Warnings for the chapter:** NSFW between "We can stop any time, alright?" and "How are you getting there tomorrow?"

"I appreciate this, but don't you have something else you need to be doing?"

"Taking care of the captain is a priority." His massages didn't compare, but he could try. Between studying and volleyball, Chikara was overwhelmed, and Ryuu was more than willing to help him relax as he worked on homework. Especially since it meant running his hands over the smooth skin of his back, tracing the contours of his muscles.  _ He's bulked up a bit since last year. _

"Ryuu, I know you're just trying to avoid homewo-- aah." Desperate times called for desperate measures, and Ryuu knew his weak spots, kneading the back of his thigh. "You play dirty."

"Just relax, Chika."

"You've got ten minutes, and then it's back to homework."

"What if I massage just one leg?"

"Then you and Nishinoya are running extra laps tomorrow."

"Why Noya-san too?"

"Because I'm practically dating him by proxy, he should share the blame."

"You're cruel, Chika."

He pressed his thumbs against the skin, satisfied with Chikara's soft sigh. Chikara's thighs might have been his favorite.  _ Or maybe his arms. Or his back. Or... Who am I kidding, it's his ass. Definitely his ass. _ He let his hands trail up, sneaking under the hem of his shorts and--

"Homework, Ryuu. Now."

Ryuu whined, resigned to his fate. Part of him was grateful Chikara kept him in line; he wasn't too far behind on his homework this year. But mostly he wanted to pretend it didn't exist. He focused on the music playing from Chikara's phone, barely able to concentrate on the papers in front of him. He hadn't had time alone with Chikara in two weeks, but tonight was special.  

Worse than actually doing the homework was letting Chikara review it. "You've got some wrong--  What are you doing?"

"We're not wasting the one time you're sleeping over with homework. I want to hold you already, damn it." He heard Chikara sigh, but he gave no resistance as Ryuu grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the futon. "No shirts allowed."

"House rule?" Chikara quipped, pulling his shirt off. "I need to change into my pajama pants."

"No pants allowed either."

"That's a rule I'm breaking."

Finally having Chikara in his arms again was like letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He'd been excited for tonight; sleeping next to Chikara the night of the break-in was a tease, showing him a new luxury they couldn't afford. But he craved it deeply, more so than any foreplay.  

He pressed a kiss to Chikara's forehead. "I love you."

Chikara's fingers traced circles over his bicep. "I love you too, Ryuu. I'm sorry I've been too busy for this."

"It's fine, Chika. School is important to you. What matters is you're here now."  

Chikara tilted his head, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. Ryuu returned the gesture, running his hands through Chikara's hair. He could spend every night just like this, their breaths mingling as they drifted to sleep in each other's arms.

_ Six months left. _

* * *

 

"Please don't ask me this."

"So cold, Chika," he said with a playful tone, hoping to keep the atmosphere light. "I just thought you'd change your mind by now."

"Ryuu, I don't even know where I'll be going after college. I'm not going to make you wait around for four years on a 'maybe'."

_ Five months left. _

* * *

 

"I changed my mind. It's embarrassing."

"Ryuu, I promise you. Whatever it is, it's not more embarrassing than your sister hearing us in the shower."

"I thought we weren't gonna bring that up."

Chikara laughed, putting his hands on Ryuu's waist. "It's fine. I thought I was insistent enough when I told you not to get me anything."

"Yeah, but I'm stubborn, and..." Ryuu gave a defeated sigh, pulling something small from his pocket. "Happy birthday, Chika. It's not much." He gently grabbed one of Chikara's hands, placing the item in his palm.

Chikara turned it in his hand, gingerly rubbing his thumb over the details. On a plain black cord dangled a small wooden charm designed like a volleyball, clearly handcrafted by someone with little to no experience. Carved into the back was a simple '1'.  

Chikara looked at it as if it were made of gold. "You made this?"

Ryuu scratched the back of his head bashfully. "It took a couple tries. If you mess one up, usually you gotta start all over."

Chikara grabbed his shirt, pulling him into a brief, rough kiss. "It's perfect."

"You sure? Seems pretty tacky the more I think about it."

"Oh, it's  _ definitely _ tacky. But that's what makes it so... you. It's the perfect thing to..."  _ To remember me by.  _

Neither dared say it out loud. "Put it on me."

Ryuu draped the claspless cord over Chikara's neck, tucking the pendant into his shirt. "Now only you can see my tacky side."

_ Four months left. _

* * *

 

"Mom... Yeah, practice is out, but I won't be home till later. Some of the guys are depressed about not getting chocolates, so I'm going to spend the evening with them." Chikara leaned his back against the locker, the clubroom empty save for them.

Ryuu closed the distance, bringing his hands to Chikara's waist. He was close enough to hear Chikara's mother through the phone. "Is it Ryuunosuke-kun?"

The two looked at each other, panicked.  _ Shit, did they finally figure it out? _ "What makes you say that?" Chikara did an impressive job of not sounding nervous.

"He seems like he'd be the most upset over that. That poor boy has no luck finding a girlfriend."  

Chikara snorted, trying to hold in his laugh. "I wonder why."

"It's not nice to laugh at your friend, dear."

"Yeah, that's not nice, Chika," Ryuu whispered into his other ear, nipping at the lobe playfully.

"I'll see you later tonight, Mom." He closed the phone, laughing with relief. "She really has no idea. I can't believe it."

"I  _ told _ ya that you worry too much." He nipped at the earlobe again, giving it a lick this time.  "About time I get to spend Valentine's Day with you. Where do you wanna go?"

"If you keep up what you're doing, we won't be able to leave the clubroom."

"That's not a bad plan," he purred, continuing his attack on the ear.

_ Two months left. _

* * *

 

"You wanted to meet early?" Ryuu yawned, opening the clubroom door before morning practice.

Chikara held up a white envelope, and Ryuu felt his heart drop. "From the university in Tokyo. I wanted you to be here when I read it."

"Do you want a drumroll?" he tried to tease. "C'mon, let's open it."

Tearing the envelope and scanning the letter, Chikara stayed quiet, his blank expression unchanging as he read. "I got accepted," he stated flatly, voice devoid of cheer.

"Of course you did. You're clever enough to go where ever you want," Ryuu replied, his tone equally solemn. 

Chikara wrapped his arms over Ryuu's shoulders, pulling him into a slow kiss made of too much tongue and force, the arms around his neck holding too tightly. And when Hinata and Kageyama burst through the door, Chikara made no effort to pull away.

_ One month left. _

* * *

 

"We can stop any time, alright?"

"Y-yeah," Chikara replied shakily. "I want this, I just..."

"I know, Chika. I'm nervous, too." He slid his hands up his lover's thighs, enjoying the feel of warm skin over toned muscle. They'd discussed the idea days ago, and the moment felt right. But the lust-filled enchantment made by heated kisses and rough foreplay seemed to vanish, replaced by nerves the moment Ryuu rolled the condom on.  

He massaged the thighs straddled on either side of him, repeating the motions as his hands traveled to Chikara's ass. Chikara rested his hands on Ryuu's chest, humming contently at the motion. "Let's try," Chikara finally said, exhaling deeply as he lifted his hips.

Ryuu grabbed his cock to position himself, taking in a deep breath of his own. They took all the precautions - he fingered Chikara to stretch him until he was begging for more, even used what seemed like an obscene amount of lube. They'd done pretty much everything in the bedroom before except for this; they were ready.

He pushed against Chikara's entrance, his head barely poking in, and Chikara winced. "W-wait."

"You alright?"

"It hurts a bit," Chikara confessed.

"Should I sto--"

"No," Chikara cut in. "Just let me..." he lowered himself, wincing again. "Don't move."

Ryuu tightened his grip on Chikara's thighs. He was barely in, and it was already starting to feel amazing, teasing with the new tightness around him. Chikara shifted a little lower with a groan, and it was honestly starting to become painful how badly Ryuu wanted to snap his hips up. "How is it?" Ryuu asked with a shaky breath.

"It's different, it's..." Chikara sunk lower and froze.  

"Chika?"

Chikara snapped his head up, eyes blown wide. "Right there," he gasped, unmoving.

Ryuu hesitantly pushed Chikara down by his thighs. Chikara moaned in response. "It's good," he breathed. "D-don't move, it's so much, it's..."

Ryuu grabbed his waist. "Chika, I'm gonna move, alright?"  

"Y-yeah. Go slow."  

"Just a little more." He pushed him lower and took Chikara's gasp as a good sign, not stopping until he was finally in completely. The feeling was amazing, warm and tight around him. "You alright, Chika?"

"Mm." Chikara looked down, still unmoving on top of him. "It hurts but it's..." He paused, splaying his fingers over Ryuu's chest. "God, I feel so full." Ryuu experimentally pulled out a few inches to thrust back in slowly. Chikara let out a low, shaky moan.  

"Again." Ryuu obliged, slowly pulling out but thrusting in faster this time. Chikara gave a sharp gasp. "Again." He repeated it, and Chikara repeated his demand, over and over until they set a careful, steady pace. Chikara gradually started moving with him, grinding down as Ryuu thrust upward. The sight of Chikara trembling and moaning above him was incredible, arching his back and digging his nails into Ryuu's chest.  

Chikara leaned down and Ryuu met his kiss, open mouthed and distracted but perfect, tasting Chikara's moans and heavy breathing. He brought a hand up to dig his fingers into the soft hair, holding him close. Then it hit him, they were  _ actually _ doing this, they were as close as they could be. He wanted to tell Chikara how he felt, but  _ showing _ him would be better.

Chikara sighed contently when Ryuu rolled him over onto his back, wrapping his arms over Ryuu's shoulders. Ryuu kissed his collarbone, working his way up his neck one kiss at a time. He slowed the pacing of his thrusts, trying to focus on the smooth neck in front of him until he reached Chikara's jaw. Chikara kissed his lips quickly, pulling away to look into his eyes.  

"Ryuunosuke..." Chikara was looking at  _ him _ , focused on him and not the act, on his eyes and not the motion of their bodies. It was just the two of them, the rest of the world long forgotten. And when Chikara said his name, not a lust-filled moan but calling to him, it drove him over the edge.  

"Chikara," he whimpered, clenching his teeth. Chikara reached between them to stroke himself, and Ryuu could feel Chikara's body trembling, just as close as he was. Chikara called his name again, and that was all he could take. He thrust in hard, could feel Chikara clench around him as they both climaxed, holding each other desperately. Ryuu brought their lips together, pushing in slow until they were spent.  

_ One week left. _

* * *

 

"How are you getting there tomorrow?"

"Parents are driving me."

"Tch. Should've gone by a train."

"Why a train?"

"Cause that's how it happens in the movies!" Ryuu wrapped his arms around his boyfriend straddled over his lap. "You're about to get on your train, then I show up and yell something cheesy, and you change your mind and run into my arms."

"Nice try, but no dramatic train scene." Chikara cracked that smug smile, and it gave Ryuu some relief. He wanted to enjoy this time with him, even if it hurt. "It feels like we should be doing something important."

"This is important. Just you an' me, relaxing together. That's all we need."

Chikara's smile softened. "You're too good to me." He leaned against Ryuu, wrapping his arms over his shoulders. "You've always been too good to me."

"Nah, I gave you plenty of trouble," he teased, holding Chikara tighter and burying his face in the crook of his neck. He felt Chikara begin to tremble in his arms, felt his own tears stinging his eyes.  It felt surreal, knowing this would be the last time he could hold Chikara.  

_ For now. _

"I'm gonna give you plenty of trouble after college too, you got that?  Be ready for me." If his voice was breaking, he couldn't hear it, muffled against Chikara's neck.

"Ryuu, you promised you wouldn't wait."

"Only cause you fought me tooth an' nail about it." He lifted his head to face Chikara. He brought a hand to Chikara's cheek, brushing his thumb over it, wiping away a tear. "I'll keep my promise. But if you come back to Miyagi after school, I'll give you a lifetime's worth of trouble to make up for the years I'm missing."

Chikara sighed in mock defeat. "Fine." He placed his hand over Ryuu's. "I'm counting on you."

_ Four years left.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1/7 of mega update, have fun with the rest ->


	15. Act 3: Learning Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2/7 of mega update

_ Chikara shrugged.  "I like when you improvise." _

_ He shouldn't be surprised that Chikara knew him well enough to expect this.  "You're the best.  I'll make this up to you later." _

_ "Sure.  We've got plenty of time." _

* * *

 

**[ 1 New Message from: Chikara ]**

>> Good night Ryuu

 

"Oooh, looks like Officer's got a girlfriend~" a voice sing-songed.

"Umeko-chan, why are you here again?" 

"I got into a fight!" The teenage girl pointed at her bruising eye, cheerfully bouncing on her heels. "Who's textin' ya that you're lookin' at your phone like that?"

Ryuu looked over at Officer Hagakure beside her, who only shrugged. "What have I told ya about getting into fights?"

"Don't get caught!"

"You're a bad influence, Tanaka," Hagakure chimed in.

"Fine, fine. Don't get into fights, Umeko-chan. You don't belong in this station, alright? I won't be nice to ya next time." He crossed his arms, doing his best to frown at her.

"Ugh." She slumped over, following Hagakure away.

A comfortable silence settled over the station as they left. Their district was fairly peaceful, and not much happened at four in the morning. Besides for Umeko, anyways. "I give her four weeks."  

"Have a little faith, Ikeda. I give her seven." He turned his attention back to his phone. "She was gone for two months last time I was pissed at her. She might take me seriously."

"We'll see. Your nightly text came a bit late this time."

"Probably up all night studying. I'm lucky to hear anything around exam time."

He'd been an officer for a year and a half, and the team at the station felt like a second family. He knew their personalities, their quirks, even about their home lives. It wasn't quite like the old volleyball team, but it had that air of familiarity. And they knew plenty about him in return - including the texts he received almost every morning and night. "Are you ever going to tell me who it is?"

"Like I said," he flashed her a grin, "It's the one that got away."

For the first few months after high school, Ryuu forced himself to be too busy to think about it. He dedicated himself completely to his police training and the Neighborhood Association volleyball team, filling in any gaps of free time with friends. Eventually, he felt like he could breathe again. The text conversations he held with Chikara that were once a mixed blessing were now something he could look forward to without the hint of gloom. He still held a torch for his former captain, and he was certain he always would. But now, he could say with certainty that he was a friend he'd always cherish, regardless of where their paths would take them in the future.

Chikara hadn't lied; he was overwhelmed with school and barely had a chance to talk to his family, nevermind Ryuu and his other friends. When Ryuu wouldn't hear from him for days, it was a nightmare. He could only tell himself that he was fine, and he still cared, so many times before the anxiety took over. He would  _ never _ admit it, and he still felt guilt for thinking it, but over time Chikara's choice to break up instead of trying long distance seemed for the better. He considered the scenarios if they'd stayed together, considered what it could have done to them and their friendship, and begrudgingly accepted that maybe he preferred things this way. 

_ For now. _

He was still sticking to his promise. When he was ready, he began dating again. His first relationship hadn't prepared him for the realm of dating, at all. Each person he dated was different, from Chikara and each other. Every new girlfriend (and one time, a boyfriend) was a puzzle to unlock, to learn their boundaries and paces and how they clicked together. Sometimes that was the fun part, and yet he couldn't help but miss how easy and natural everything was with Chikara from the start.  

He promised he wouldn't wait. He promised he would date other people. And he was sticking to that, for both their sakes. But that didn't stop the wishful thinking that maybe fate would smile on him and bring Chikara back to his arms someday.

"Tanaka, go home. Enjoy your day off."

"You got it, boss."

* * *

 

"We're gonna go out and have a good time."

"Mmmf."

He pulled on his roommate's leg. "I'm dragging you out in your cute cat pajamas if you're not up in five minutes."

_ "Mmmff." _ The sight of his roommate face-planted into the couch and groaning into a cushion told Ryuu enough about what his issue was. It also told him he needed a distraction. His roommate was always reluctant to go out when he felt this way, but once he was moving he cheered up quickly.

When Ryuu joined the Neighborhood Association team, Ukai (drunkenly) told him about life after high school. And at first, Ryuu didn't believe him. He swore it was a load of crap, that just because Ukai had one or two high school buddies that weren't around much didn't mean it would happen to him. But in time, Ryuu was forced to accept that maybe he was right. Tora had been a friend mostly through texts from the beginning, and he and Chikara still spoke when they could, sending each other pictures and sharing songs they found. But Noya didn't work that way; Noya was all about the 'here and now', giving his full attention to whatever was in front of him. Noya didn't have time for much texting or phone calls, too busy with college life and flitting from one girlfriend to the next.

Much to the dismay of Ryuu's roommate.  

"Let's go play with the puppies at the animal shelter, Asa-chan." That got a better reaction, a single brown eye peeking over the cushion. It was a start, anyways. "Looks like I'm goin' alone, since you'd rather mope here instead."

"I'm getting up, I'm getting up," Asahi grumbled, still unmoving. When high school finished, Ryuu put on a happy mask, refusing to let anyone see he was hurting. It wasn't a perfect mask; he was never one to hide his emotions, so he wasn't very good at it. Most people who saw through the cracks brushed it off as post-high-school blues, that he was just adjusting to the changes like everyone else.  

Asahi didn't accept that. He recognized the look Ryuu wore when he thought no one was watching. In his own unassuming style, he forced his way into Ryuu's life and never let him struggle alone. Asahi was a friend he could count on, someone to always be there for him. They fell into a routine, spending most of their free time together. They suited each other perfectly; Ryuu's boisterous presence kept the spotlight away from Asahi, and Asahi's calm nature helped Ryuu relax.  

When Ryuu graduated from police training, becoming roommates seemed so obvious that he never actually  _ asked _ if Asahi wanted to live with him. He just dragged him along to apartment hunt, and Asahi followed happily. They were comfortable in their small place, and being able to invite company over regardless of gender was a nice bonus. (Asahi never said he was 'bi' per se, just that he 'liked people'. Ryuu wasn't sure if there was a difference.)

"Wait a sec." Ryuu plopped onto Asahi's back. Asahi made no effort to move, only grunted from the sudden weight. "Why are you moping anyways? I thought Noya-san and his girlfriend broke up yesterday." Thanks to social media, Noya could - and always would - declare every change of his relationship status to the world.  

"...He seemed sad."  

"They were together for, what? A week? I'm sure he'll make it out alright." He fished his phone out of his pocket, pulling up Noya's page. "Look, he's already got a new selfie." He crawled over Asahi's back (and ignored the mumbles of protest) to dangle the screen in front of his face. Asahi took the phone gingerly, observing the picture. Ryuu regretted his awkward position - Asahi's wistful expression when he looked at Noya's pictures was always a treat.

Ukai had (drunkenly) rambled about this, too. Something about 'the first love will always hold a special place in your heart'. He also said it was okay to cherish it and move on, but Ryuu had other plans - for both himself and Asahi. "Students are coming home for break in a few weeks, right? We should invite him over."

Asahi's panicked stuttering alone was worth the suggestion. "B-b-but we haven't seen him in ages! And-- and you barely get to talk to him, you shouldn't just--"

Ryuu snatched his phone from Asahi's grip. If Asahi was truly against the idea, he made no effort to move. "Hey, Noya-san!"

He set the call to speakerphone, and Noya's loud voice rang through. "Hey, Ryuu! I missed that handsome voice! What's going on?"  

"Not much. You comin' back to town for break?"

"Yup. We need to catch up!"

"You should come over to me and Asa-chan's place." He could feel Asahi tense beneath him.

Noya was quiet for a moment. "...Asahi-san, huh?" There it was, that old familiar tone he used when talking about him back in high school. "I feel betrayed, Ryuu. You haven't snuck me a single pic of him."  _ Looks like Asa-chan's not the only one who can't let go. _ "Make him text me more often."

"Oh, you'll respond to him but not to me?" Ryuu teased.

"Like you wouldn't drop everything if Chikara called you over."

"What makes ya think I'd do that?"

Ryuu had to pull the phone further away when Noya laughed. "Cause he's your Asahi-san, don't gotta talk every day to know that. We had it bad back then."

Asahi was completely frozen now, and Ryuu was starting to think he may have stopped breathing. "Speaking of Asa-chan, should probably go check on 'im and make sure he's alive. I'll see ya in a few weeks."

"Later! Make him text me!"  

Ryuu pocketed his phone before poking Asahi's side. "You alright? Take a breath, man."

"He said he had it bad," Asahi squeaked.

"Yup."

"He compared me to Ennoshita-kun for you?"

"Yup.”

“Even though I saw…?”

“Told ya so." Ryuu felt a pang of pride; he'd been arguing this to Asahi for years now, insisting that whatever he saw back in Tokyo with Yaku was nothing serious, that Noya's feelings for him back then were the real deal.

Asahi slammed his face back into the cushion, but Ryuu could see his red ears. "What if it's weird when he visits? What if he sees me and changes his mind?"

"Stop getting all 'glass is half empty' on me." He finally jumped off Asahi's back. "Get ready and we'll grab some lunch."

* * *

 

"I wouldn't really just drop everything if he called, ya know."

"Uh huh."

"I mean it! I'm not wrapped around his finger or anything. I've got my own life going on."

"Mhm."

"Noya-san has no idea what he's-- Shit!" The two both jumped at the sudden blaring ringing, and Ryuu's candybar tumbled from his hand.

"Then why did you make his ringtone so loud?" Asahi laughed behind his hand.  

"....So I don't miss his calls," he conceded. He reached for his phone, candybar forgotten. It was strange for Chikara to call without warning. "Hey, Chikara!"

"Hi, Ryuu. Are you busy?"  

He sounded off, and Ryuu couldn't quite put his finger on how. "No, I'm not busy. What's up?" He looked at Asahi for approval. Asahi nodded, walking on ahead.

"I just need someone to talk to, I guess. It's been a tough week."

That's what it was. He sounded  _ exhausted. _ "Talk away, I'm all ears."

Chikara sighed. "There's not much to say. Sorry I called, it seems pointless now."

"No way. You can call me any time, you know that. Talk to me, tell me everything that's buggin' ya."

There was that sigh again. "It's just a lot of little things. I think I did a poor job with a project I turned in. Exams are coming up and I'm not sure I'm ready. I have a paper I'm just bullshitting my way through. I think my roommate found out I'm gay, he's not saying anything but he keeps giving me this confused look. I think one of my teachers has had something against me ever since I pointed out an error he made. And my parents want to go on a family vacation over break, but I just want to go home and sleep for two weeks."

His tired voice made Ryuu want to personally wrap him in a blanket burrito. Maybe even nail pieces of wood to the doorway to ensure he slept uninterrupted for however long he pleased. "Anything I can do to help?"

"No. But thanks for hearing me out." He paused for a moment before continuing, "It's nice to hear your voice. How's work going?"

If Chikara was happy just to hear from him, maybe there was something he could do to help after all. Instead of walking home, he turned in the direction of the train station. His visit was long overdue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2/7 of mega update ->


	16. I. Our Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3/7 of mega update

_"Ryuu?"_

He could hardly believe it himself, standing there in front of the man that crossed his mind daily for far too long now. He was finally there before him, almost in arm's reach. His disheveled hair was a little longer, and the bags under his eyes spoke volumes about how tired he was. But he looked older, more mature, and maybe a bit taller. Even after three years, and even though he looked like hell, Chikara still managed to steal his breath away.

He could do this. He could keep this platonic. Just two friends, hanging out. "Chika-"

Chikara ran the small space between them, almost tripping to wrap his arms around Ryuu's torso and bury his face in the crook of his neck. "What are you doing here?"

Ryuu returned the embrace, relieved to have him in his arms again. He rested his head against Chikara's, the soft hair tickling his cheek. _I want to see you, I want to take care of you, I want to hold you just like this._ "Sounded like you could use some company."

Chikara tightened his hold. "I wasn't prepared to have anyone over, I--"

"Don't you worry about that." He slid his hand up his back to rest on his nape, dipping his fingers into his hair. _Keep it platonic._ "I know you're busy, I just wanted to stop by."  

Chikara lifted his head to face him, and the word 'platonic' almost dropped from his vocabulary. There were those eyes that never failed to enchant him, only a few inches away and looking straight into his own. Chikara seemed as entranced as he was, only daring to look away when the sounds of students talking nearby snapped them back to reality.

Chikara cleared his throat, pulling away from Ryuu's arms. "Come inside." He beckoned to Ryuu, leading him through the building and up the stairs. Ryuu fought the urge to grab his hand, to lace their fingers together. Chikara reached for his room key before hesitating. "I forgot, my roommate's still here."

"I'll deal with him."

"Ryuu, please. Don't cause any trouble. He's a nice guy, and I have to live with him. Maybe we should--"

Ryuu snatched the key from his hand. "Just trust me. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Do you want a list?"

Ryuu swung the creaky door open and let himself in, looking around the tiny space. "Man, I don't miss dorm life. Not enough room for two people." His eyes landed on Chikara's roommate reading manga on a bed, and sure enough, he looked completely baffled by the pair walking in.  

"Tanaka, this is Yoshida. Yoshida, Tanaka is a friend of mine from my old volleyball team."

Yoshida's wide eyes flickered from Ryuu to Chikara. "Hi?"

Nice or not, Ryuu was already frustrated with him. He reached into his pocket and handed the confused roommate a large bill. "Go take a friend out to dinner and a movie."

Chikara pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ryuu, you can't just--"

"Okay." Yoshida nodded, taking the money with a surprising certainty. Yoshida pat Chikara on the shoulder, walking past them out the room. He paused a moment before adding, "I'm staying the night at Matsuo's. Have fun."

It was Chikara's turn to look baffled. "Did you just buy his support?"

Ryuu flashed him a grin. "Told ya I'd deal with it."

"He definitely thinks we're having sex," Chikara groaned.

A guilty part of him wanted to press that point. But he was there because his friend was stressed, and he spent the three hour trip to get there reminding himself that. "Whatever he thinks, looks like he doesn't care."

"You're right." Chikara scratched his cheek, avoiding Ryuu's gaze. "What now?"

_Now I try not to cave in._ "Dontcha have homework?" He sat on Chikara's bed and leaned back on his elbow. "Like I said, I'm just here to keep you company. You keep doing your thing, I'll cheer you on."

It was hard to keep it together when Chikara looked at him like that, his eyes trailing from his face down to his chest. Chikara bit his lip, considering his options, frozen in his spot several feet away.  Ryuu considered his own options. What did he want? Was he willing to accept the consequences?  

Ryuu moved further back on the bed to make space. "Or we can take a nap. You look like you need one." He held out his hand, swallowing hard, terrified he was breaking the unspoken boundary they built up over the years.

The tension drifted from Chikara's shoulders as he reached for Ryuu's hand. Ryuu pulled him to the small bed and brought the blanket up to their chests. Side by side, they were close again, Ryuu's arms finding their way around Chikara as they always did, as they always should have. Chikara snuck his hand under Ryuu's arm to rest on his ribs.

It hurt Ryuu to see Chikara's tired eyes, to know he couldn't be there for him more often. _But I'm here now._ But his soft smile was the same, and it was hard to believe it had been three years since he'd last seen it. Ryuu brushed Chikara’s hair away from his eyes, tucking strands behind his ear. Curiosity got the better of him when his fingers brushed over a chain on Chikara's neck. He slipped his finger under the chain, carefully pulling it from its place tucked in Chikara's shirt.  

The details were worn, the cord replaced, but it was still there - the wooden charm he made for Chikara's birthday. He ran his thumb over the faded carvings. "You still wear this?"

"It's to remind me of what I sacrificed to be here. I can't give any less than my all." Chikara frowned before he continued, "I wasn't fair to you. I hurt you, and--"

"Enough of that, Chika." Ryuu let go of the charm in favor of brushing his thumb over Chikara's cheek. "I knew what I was getting into. And it was worth it, alright? I don't regret it one bit."

Chikara wrapped his fingers around Ryuu's wrist, brushing his thumb over it. "Do you remember what you told me when I left? About coming back to Miyagi?"

"'Course. I told ya I'd give you a lifetime's worth of trouble." He trailed his thumb down Chikara's jaw. "And I think I'm making it pretty obvious that I'm sticking to that."

"Don't wait for me, Ryuu. Live your life."

"Yeah, yeah."

"But if I find myself back in Miyagi, I'll give you a 'lifetime's worth of trouble'. If you'll have me."

That was _exactly_ what he wanted to hear. "I'm counting on ya." He shifted to hold Chikara against his chest, pressing his lips to his forehead. "But first, rest up. You gotta kick school's ass for me." He pressed his finger against the wooden charm on Chikara's chest for emphasis.

"Mm. Good night, Ryuunosuke."

 

The obnoxious ringing of the alarm startled him awake. His sleepy mind tried to recognize the room that was certainly not his, and the warm body pressed against him.

Chikara snickering at him hastened the process. "Nice jump."

"It's not nice to tease people, Chika." He rolled onto him, pressing his full weight against him.

"Get off! You're heavy!" Chikara laughed. Ryuu ignored his plea, pressing his lips to Chikara's neck and blowing. Chikara laughed more, trying to push his head away. "Stop that!"

Ryuu pushed himself up on his arms, grinning down at Chikara. "Sorry I distracted ya from your homework."

"It's fine, I've got another day." Chikara smiled back up at him, wrapping his arms over his neck. "I should really be getting up."

"Not before I do this." He leaned down to press his lips against Chikara's. A brief kiss, but enough to remind him how soft his lips were. And how badly he needed more. "For good luck with school."

Chikara nudged him back down, stealing a small kiss of his own. "For good luck with work." He trailed his hands to Ryuu's chest to lightly push him away. "You should go before this gets worse."

Ryuu begrudgingly obliged, kissing his forehead again before pushing himself up. If he didn't leave now, he'd never have the willpower. "I'll see you later, Chika." He stole a last glance to catch Chikara watching him with his fingers on his lips before walking out the door.

* * *

 

"Try this one."

Asahi peeled off his shirt to replace it with another one Ryuu held out to him. The simple shirt hugged his chest and arms.  

"Very nice, Asa-chan!" Ryuu flashed him a grin with a thumbs-up.

Asahi slumped his shoulders in response. "It's a bit tight."

"That's the point!"  

"Isn't it too plain?"

"Doesn't matter. Noya-san's just gonna rip it off anyways."

"Ryuu-kun!" Asahi covered his face with his hands.  

Ryuu had the pleasure of watching Asahi's expressions as Noya texted him over the past few weeks. He wouldn't share the details, but it didn't take much to assume what was going on. Asahi was caught up in his daydreams more often, and Ryuu had to catch him from walking into a few doors and tables. And whenever his face went red after a text, Ryuu grew more curious. He had tried to steal Asahi's phone several times, never successfully. It was too bad; Ryuu wanted to see if Noya was still an awful flirt - not that Asahi seemed to mind.

**[From: Noya-san]**

>> almost there

>> is he freaking out

Asahi's nervous pacing and constant questions the past two days were endearing in their own way. After watching the two missing their chances with each other over and over again, Ryuu could hardly believe it was about to happen himself. Not that anything was _supposed_ to happen - the plan was simply for the three of them to hang out for the day. But Ryuu was certain it wasn't going to work out that way, for the better.

"What if he changes his mind when he sees me? What if--"

"You'll be fine. What happened to thinking about something scarier to calm down?"

"This might be the worst."

**[To: Noya-san]**

<< definitely

<< i didnt lock the door

<< come in quietly so he doesnt hear you and try to jump out the window

"Is that him? What's he saying?"

"He might be a little late."

"Okay, I can still look for something else to--"

Ryuu grabbed his wrist, dragging them towards Asahi's bedroom door. "You're fine, Asa-chan. You look damn good, alright? Noya's not gonna care what you're wearing anyways." Asahi whimpered in response as Ryuu squeezed his shoulders. "Trust me. What's scarier to you, seeing him now or missing your chance again?"

Asahi closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. "You're right."  

"You can do this."

"I can do this."

"You're ready."

"I'm ready."

The bedroom door flung open, startling them both. "And I'm impatient!"

"Nishi-"

Noya jumped at Asahi, flinging his arms around his shoulders and locking his legs around his waist. Asahi instinctively grabbed his thighs to hold him up, stumbling from the impact. Ryuu grabbed Asahi's arm as the man struggled to get his footing.

"Asahi-san." Noya's wide smile was infectious. Asahi's nerves seemed to wash away as he smiled back, better than any wistful gaze he saved for Noya's selfies. Ryuu snapped a picture of the unsuspecting two, too distracted searching each other's eyes and smiling from ear to ear.  

Asahi was the one to lean in first, kissing Noya softly. Noya sighed, digging a hand into Asahi's hair as he returned the kiss. Asahi walked them to the bed, only breaking the contact to gently place Noya down.

Ryuu stole another picture with his phone as Asahi crawled on top of Noya before shutting the door behind him.

* * *

 

"'Bout time you came up for air. Got you guys some food."

Noya reminded Ryuu of a cat, strutting towards the kitchen counter in just his briefs like he owned the place. "Thanks, man."

"Where's Asa-chan? And your pants?"

"Both out of commission." There was that mischievous grin Ryuu missed. "Sorry I didn't say hi when I came in."

Ryuu shook his head, sliding the pizza box across the counter towards Noya. "You make Asa-chan happy. That's all I need."

Noya fiddled with the corner of the box, flicking it with his finger. "I _hope_ I make him happy," he muttered, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

"You plan to get serious with him?" Ryuu noticed Asahi quietly stepping towards Noya with a finger to his lips, motioning for silence.

"I want to try. He's always been important to me. I want to give this a real shot."

"Have you talked to him 'bout it yet?"

"Not yet. There's the whole long distance thing." If Noya noticed the way Ryuu winced, he didn't point it out. "Cause even after school, I'll have to travel a lot for volleyball. I don't know if he'll want to deal with that."

Asahi snuck his arms around Noya, bending down a ways to rest his head on Noya's shoulder. Noya reached up to slip his fingers into Asahi's hair. "Were you listening?"

"Mhm."

"Then what do you think, _Asa-chan_? Wanna be mine?"

Asahi spun Noya by the shoulder and kissed him like the answer was so obvious, not a hint of hesitation. His large hands cradled Noya's face delicately as he deepened the kiss, Noya sighing contently and gripping his arms.

Ryuu tried to tuck away the jealousy slithering in his mind. He repeated his and Chikara's vow in his mind like mantra. _A lifetime's worth of trouble._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3/7 of mega update ->


	17. II. Our Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4/7 of mega update

A year could feel like an eternity. The days, weeks,  _ months _ crawled on, but Ryuu couldn't forget why he was counting down. Work couldn't distract him enough, and no date could fill the gap of what he really wanted. Time felt like he was back in class, watching the old clock tick away day in and day out.  

And with just the flash of a familiar smile in his direction, a year could feel like a distant memory.  

It was supposed to be a group meet-up, a casual sort of thing. Chikara would be there, sure, but so would Asahi and Kinoshita. They were going to the bar, they were going to catch up on everything, and it would be simple and definitely  _ not _ like a date. They were adults, hanging out as friends. They could handle that. Ryuu could handle that.  

Except Chikara was right there, and the past year must have been damn good to him. Long gone was last year's unkempt hair and bags under his eyes, replaced with a confident smile in Ryuu's direction.  _ Play it cool, Ryuu. You can do this. _ But that shirt snug across Chikara's arms was a bit too distracting, and Ryuu missed the crack in the sidewalk that sent him stumbling to the ground.  

Chikara snickered at him, offering a hand. "Haven't had a drink yet, and you already need a babysitter."

"So mean, Chika." He grabbed the hand in front of him, and he felt like he was back in high school, getting excited over brushing their fingers together. The visit last year had felt like a dream, too much to hope the embrace and stolen kisses were real. Yet seeing him again now felt natural, as if he had never left.

Now to see if Chikara still felt as he did.  

Chikara pulled him up with surprising ease, squeezing his hand before letting go. "Shall we wait for the others inside?"

  
  


"I'm surprised you showed up early. That's not like you."

With the safety of the table between them, it was easier to focus on conversation. No accidental shoulder touching or the like to short-circuit his mind again. That wasn't going to stop Ryuu from trying to flirt, though. "I was excited to see ya. And it was worth it, you look damn good."

Chikara flashed him that smug smirk, and he knew he was in trouble. "Is that why you forgot how to walk when you saw me?"

He felt like a teen again. Jittery and excited to be next to his crush, falling for that damn teasing smirk over and over. "C'mon, Chika. Go easy on me. I'm trying to be smooth here."

"You know you're a mess when you try."

"And you know that’s not gonna stop me."

It was hard to tell in the light of the bar, but Ryuu could have sworn Chikara's cheeks turned pink before he hid his face behind the menu. Maybe he still had an effect on him, too. "Shall we get some drinks while we wait?"

  
  


The flow of conversation came easily, drinks barely touched. "My roommate kept asking about you after that. At first I thought he just wanted more money, but then he suggested that you should come over to hang out. He even said something about having a movie night."

Ryuu laughed at the idea. "I didn't even talk to him! He kinda pissed me off."

"You know when you have a friend with a younger brother that gets attached to you? I got that impression from him."

"I have an older sis, remember? I  _ was _ that younger brother."

"You never told me about-- I think this text is from Kinoshita, do you mind if I check it?"

"Go ahead. I'll see what's taking Asa-chan so long." Ryuu pulled his phone out of his pocket, eyes scanning the screen. "He says something came up."

Chikara placed his phone face-down on the table. "Kinoshita said the same thing. I'm willing to bet they did this on purpose."

"Does that make this a date? Cause I'll have to thank Asa-chan later." Ryuu definitely didn't mistake the blush across Chikara's cheeks this time. He got out of the booth to slide next to Chikara instead, draping his arm over Chikara's shoulders.  

When Chikara tensed up at the contact, he felt his chest grow cold.  _ Did I read this wrong? _

"I suppose this could be a date." Chikara grabbed Ryuu's retreating hand, lacing their fingers together under the table. "Is this okay instead? We're in public, after all."

"Better than okay." No, better than that. It was perfect. Chikara was looking back at him, trying to hold back a smile to no avail. Ryuu wasn't doing much better, his grin stretched from ear to ear.  _ Don't get your hopes up yet. _ "How long are ya gonna be in Miyagi for?"

"That depends. I have a few studios and projects I'm trying to get involved in. Some close, some not so much." He squeezed Ryuu's hand in his. "But I have a good chance at where I want to go. All that overworking in college earned me some connections." 

"I'm proud of you, Chika. You worked your ass off." Ryuu found the chain around Chikara's neck, tugging it out from under his shirt. The wooden charm he gave him wasn't doing well with age. But it was still there, and Ryuu's heart skipped a beat at the sight. "So why you still wearing this?"

"It was a gift from someone important to me."

Ryuu scooched closer, closing the space between them. "Oh, yeah? What's he like?"

"For one, he has no sense of personal space. Not that I mind."

"What else?"

"He likes to fish for compliments, apparently."

"You're cold, Chika."

Chikara turned his attention down to their hands, unable to meet his gaze. "He cares too much for others, and he's not afraid to show it. He's passionate about anything he sets his mind to. He's brave and pushes me to be brave, too. And I'm incredibly lucky to be on a date with him right now, even if we were tricked into it."

_ "Chikara!" _ Ryuu ducked his head to hide his grin against Chikara's shoulder. He wanted to do more; he wanted to kiss him and tell him he still drove him crazy.

Chikara laughed, not moving when Ryuu shifted to rest his cheek on his shoulder. "Tell me everything I missed. I want to hear it all."

He told him about the satisfying training at the police academy. He told him about how Asahi had become like a brother to him. At Chikara's insistence, he told him about the relationships he experienced, how he learned more about himself and what he wanted through them. He told him about nights on the job that he'd never forget, both rewarding and heartbreaking.

Chikara told him about school, about the classes that were memorable and the people he met. He told him about his own few dates, and how he learned the hard way that relationships weren't always kind. He told him about the scripts and projects that kept him busy and how they were always worth it in the end.

And as they spoke, they leaned against each other, ignoring the occasional curious gaze cast in their direction by strangers passing by. Chikara would hold his breath each time, but he played with Ryuu's hands in his, focusing on his fingers instead.  

"Ah. It's later than I expected." Chikara shoved his phone into his pocket. "I need to head out."

"Let me take you home."

Chikara shook his head as they walked out the bar. "I drove my mom's car here. Maybe next time."

'Next time' was good. He could work with 'next time'. "So, when's the second date? The sooner, the better."

"Don't play hard to get or anything." He paused outside of the car, hand hesitating on the door. "Ryuu. I want this, but I really don't deserve you. You've always been too good to me, and I've done nothing in return except break your heart."

Ryuu brushed his thumb across Chikara's cheek. "That's not true. Besides, it's up to me to decide what I want, isn't it? And I want you. Simple as that."

"I won't argue against that." Chikara placed his hand over Ryuu's. "I'm going to be busy with the job hunt this week, but I'll call you when I can." Ryuu moved in closer, but Chikara pushed him away by his chest, flashing him that teasing smirk that only made him want to kiss him more. "Good night, Ryuu."

"I'll be waiting by my phone, Chika."

* * *

 

It was four days before Chikara called him, asking him to meet somewhere. "What do ya got planned for me today? Taking me on a romantic date? Points off for not bringing flowers, Chika-chan."

"-Chan?" He raised an eyebrow in Ryuu's direction as they walked. "Not a date, but I promise it'll be worth your time. There's something I want to show you around the corner from here."

They were about thirty minutes from Ryuu's apartment, in a part of a nearby city he hadn't explored before. As far as he could see, it was just a bunch of warehouses. "What's hiding in a place like this?"  

Chikara nudged him with his shoulder, pointing to a sign across the way. "This."

"This is... a studio?" And then it clicked. "You'll be working here?"

"It's small, but I'm more interested in the projects they're working on."

"You'll be staying in Miyagi?" 

Chikara's smile answered for him.  

"Yes! Yes!!" Ryuu grabbed him tightly, lifting him a few inches off the ground despite his protests.  Ryuu could hardly believe it; Chikara was there to stay. Maybe even back in his arms for good.

"Hey, put me down!" Chikara laughed.  

"Second date, you and me. Right now. We're celebrating."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4/7 of mega update ->


	18. III. Our Desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5/7 of mega update
> 
> **Warnings for this chapter:** NSFW between "Testing the boundaries," and "Chikara rested his head on his chest, tracing circles"

"Just the two of us in your apartment? Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Where else can we chill without worrying about people?" Dinner and a movie at home, maybe get revenge in a fighting game. And cuddling, far too much cuddling if Ryuu got his way. Maybe it was too early to act like a couple, but Ryuu could hope.

"You were saying about people?" 

There was a trail of clothing leading to Asahi's closed bedroom door. "Shit. I forgot Noya-san was back in town. Wanna go grab dinner instead?"

Chikara ignored his question, wandering the small apartment. "I'm guessing this one is your room, then?" Chikara grabbed his hand, leading him into the room and shutting the door behind them. The simple motion made Ryuu's mind short-circuit, unable to process anything other than the man pushing him onto his bed. Chikara crawled on top of him and leaned close, letting his breath ghost over Ryuu's lips.  

Chikara closed the space between them to press his lips against Ryuu's. A timid brush of the lips, hesitant to ask for more. Ryuu kissed back, parting his lips in silent encouragement. Ryuu could taste his sigh, felt the tip of his tongue against his bottom lip. He opened his mouth more, welcoming the tongue against his.  

Testing the boundaries, Ryuu slipped his hands under the hem of his shirt, brushing his fingers against the bare skin of Chikara's back. Chikara gasped, deepening the kiss, and Ryuu trailed his hands up, the shirt catching around his wrists. Ryuu tugged at Chikara's shirt, breaking the kiss to pull it over his head.  

Ryuu unclasped the chain around Chikara's neck, flinging the the wooden charm without a care. "You don't need this anymore. I'm right here." Ryuu threw his shirt off with practiced ease before pulling Chikara back against him. He missed the warmth of their chests together, he missed Chikara's eagerness to kiss him again. 

Chikara paused with his hand on Ryuu's belt buckle in a silent question, and he answered by pushing the hand away to quickly undo it himself. He unbuttoned both their pants, pulling off his remaining clothes before working on Chikara's. He slid his hands over his ass, holding him down as he thrust up against him. Chikara whimpered, the arm holding himself up shaking.  

Chikara reluctantly pulled away to search through Ryuu's nightstand drawer to gather what they needed. Ryuu stole the lube from his hands and pulled Chikara back over his lap, nudging him down to kiss him as he brought his fingers to his ass. He sighed with relief when Chikara gasped at his fingers, far too out of practice with the way Chikara's body worked. He pushed Chikara down with his other hand, forcing their cocks against each other again. Chikara moaned into his mouth, thrusting against him as Ryuu stretched him, exploring and relearning what made Chikara’s body tremble.

Soon the condom was on, and he rolled Chikara over onto his back. He was starting to feel almost as nervous as the first time, and by the look in Chikara's eyes, he was too. Chikara pulled him into a shaky kiss as he pushed in. He slid easier than before, grateful that was nothing like the first time for Chikara. No pain, only arching his back and digging his nails into Ryuu's arms. Ryuu thrust in slowly, taking his time, determined to show him just how much he missed him through this.  

Chikara's grip on his arms began to tremble, Chikara's moans lost in their distracted kiss. Ryuu needed this,  _ they _ needed this. He hooked an arm under Chikara's waist, lifting him enough to push in deeper. Chikara slid his hand under the one Ryuu used to hold himself up, lacing their fingers together as the pace built them up, sending them over the edge and moaning each other’s names as they came together.

It was an extra struggle to catch his breath when Chikara was so beautiful beneath him, flushed and looking up at him. Ryuu placed his arms beside Chikara's head, digging his fingers in the soft hair as he kissed him more. He never wanted to move, planned to stay just like this, still inside until Chikara would push him away.

The tender kisses continued for what felt like hours, made of softs sighs and hands roaming over each other’s bodies. When Ryuu was hard again, he thrust in even more slowly than before, gentle and focused on the lips against his own until they came again.

Chikara was the one to reluctantly break away. "Ryuunosuke..." He sounded half asleep, looking up at Ryuu tiredly. Ryuu looked over at the clock on his nightstand.  _ It's only been two hours? _ He pulled out, wincing at the uncomfortable feeling followed by the cold. He rolled the condom off and tied it up, getting up to throw it away before crawling back beside Chikara and pulling the blanket over them.  

Chikara rested his head on his chest, tracing circles on his skin with his fingertips. "So, um." Chikara hesitated, considering his words. "I want to be yours, Ryuu. I want this to be serious. I don't know if that's too soon to say, or if you--"

Ryuu shifted to interrupt him with another kiss. "No getting rid of me now, Chika. I promised you a lifetime of trouble, remember? I'm sticking to it."  

Chikara gave him a tired smile. "Consider me warned."  

  
  


It was the ideal morning - Chikara in his arms, no work or school to tear them apart for at least a few hours. He could watch how peaceful he looked as he slept, wake him with gentle kisses, enjoy the warmth of their bodies together with nothing between them.

At least, that's how it was supposed to be.

"RYUU! CHIKARA!" With no further warning, Noya pounced on top of them, his cheerful laugh drowning out their groans of pain.

Chikara curled closer against Ryuu as if to escape Noya's wrath. "Nishinoya, where are your pants?"

"On the floor! Just like yours!" He laughed even louder, and Chikara attempted and failed to pull the blanket over his face. "Is that yours that's ringing right now?"

"That's probably my mom. I never told her I'd stay the night."

Noya was off them and digging through the discarded pants pocket in a flash. "Hey Ennoshita-san! It's Nishinoya!"  

Without Noya's weight to stop him, Chikara pulled the blanket over his head. "I'm going to regret letting him talk to her, aren't I?"

Ryuu joined him under the blanket. "Even if he said anything, she'll think he's kidding. This is Noya-san were talking about." Enough light bled through the blanket that Ryuu could catch the way Chikara's eyes scanned his body. Maybe if they could get rid of Noya, Ryuu could show him a completely different ideal morning. 

"I suppose you're right. I'm going to need my own place soon, though. If I start coming over here too often, she'll get suspicious." 

"Still worried about that?"

"They've been asking me about 'getting a girlfriend' since I started college."

"Don't wanna tell 'em?"

He pulled Ryuu closer, pressing their foreheads together. "I don't  _ want _ to, but I'm starting to consider it more. I chose that studio because they're more open-minded. I can be unrestricted with my scripts. But that means the subject is going to come up with my parents at some point. I can't keep avoiding it."

"Think it'll be bad if they know?"

"Honestly? I have no idea. It wouldn't be awful, but I doubt it would be great either."

"Chikara! Your mom wants you to call later!" Noya was on the bed again, starting a game of tug-of-war over the blanket.

"Noya-san! I'm naked, damn it!"

"I wanna see how buff you got!"

"Yuu-kun." Strong arms wrapped around Noya's torso, and the blanket was immediately forgotten in favor of turning to face his boyfriend. Noya latched onto Asahi with his arms and legs, burying his face in a mess of brown hair. Asahi picked him up effortlessly, carrying him out of the room and shutting the door behind them.

"I see living with Asahi-san is a mixed blessing." Chikara pushed Ryuu onto his back and straddled his waist. "Nishinoya had the right idea, though. What do I have to thank for all this muscle? Was it the police training or the Neighborhood Association team?"

Ryuu slid his hands up Chikara's thighs. "How 'bout you just enjoy the fruits of my labor?"

Chikara answered with a lazy smile and a shift of his hips. "Gladly."

* * *

 

Coming out to the people around him  _ seemed _ like a good idea. If everything went his way, he'd be with Chikara for a long time - long enough that hiding it would be impossible. He liked the idea of telling everyone around him. He wanted to gloat, wanted to tell the world about his hot, clever boyfriend. But even though he wanted people to know, Chikara was another story.  

Even when he wasn't dating a man, not telling people he was bi felt suffocating in its own way. It was always there, regardless of boyfriends or girlfriends, and it always would be. Thankfully, most people already knew. He'd never forget the humiliation when Saeko found out. (She was plenty fine with it, but being heard in the shower by his sister? That would haunt him to the grave.) He told the Neighborhood Association team to direct attention away from Asahi, and they seemed okay with it, too. Some seemed confused by the idea. Some teased playfully, asking his opinion on who was hotter than who. (He insisted Shimada was the hottest, just to embarrass him. His reaction was priceless.) Ukai had even won a bet when he came out, insisting he 'knew his team damn well enough'.

But telling the others at the police station? That wasn't on the plan. He wasn't scared, no, definitely not. Just... cautious, that's all. He loved his job, and the people he worked with. He couldn't stand the thought of them looking at him differently.

"So, who is it?"

"Eh?"

Officer Ikeda offered him a cup of coffee. "I know that look. You got a girlfriend, didn't you?"

Ryuu flashed a proud grin. "Something like that."

"C'mon, tell me who it is!"

"You know the one who texts me every day?"  He had to admit, he’d been dying to say that.

"No way! Now you  _ have _ to tell me all about her!"

"Maybe you'll get to meet some time."

Officer Hagakure tapped his finger against the counter. "How did you meet?"

"Back in high school. We had club together."

"Weren't you on the volleyball team? Were they a manager?"

"Something like that."

"Hm." Hagakure tapped his finger again, and Ryuu was starting to worry. Hagakure was the clever one, and he had that look like he was onto something. "I noticed this some time ago, but you never say 'she'."

_ Shit. Time for a subject change. _ "Been five months since Umeko-chan's shown up, huh? What were the bets this time?" He worked on trying to nonchalantly drink his coffee, hiding his face behind the cup.

Ikeda's eyebrows shot up. "No way. Tanaka, it's a guy!? I thought you were straight!"  

No sense hiding it now. "I like guys and girls, alright? Can't talk about the boyfriend, though. He hasn't come out yet." Getting it out there on the table felt like a weight off his shoulders, honestly, even if he wasn't sure how they'd react.  

Hagakure was unfazed, but Ikeda looked at Ryuu like he grew another head. "I never would have suspected  _ you _ to like guys."

"Got a problem with that?"  

Ikeda furiously shook her hands in front of her. "Nope, no way, not me. Just shocked, that's all. A boyfriend, huh? You gonna be okay not getting with girls?"

The thought hadn't even crossed his mind. "I'm sorry for all the ladies out there, but I'm a taken man now. Hagakure will have to carry on my legacy for their sake."  

With some prodding from Ikeda, he told them a bit about Chikara, and even Hagakure asked some questions with genuine interest. Perhaps work finding out wouldn't be so bad after all.  

* * *

 

"I like taking ya out like this. Why don't we do this more often?"

"Because you can't keep your hands to yourself, and being in public doesn't seem to stop you."

Ryuu had to admit he wasn't wrong - Chikara had to swat his hand away at least four times so far that night. But walking through the park in the evening without holding hands just seemed like such a waste, especially with no one else around. "You love me for it."

_ Oops. _ Past teasing slipped out, another little habit from high school creeping its way back. It was happening more and more the last few weeks. "I mean-- You know, uh..." Ryuu stuttered, and Chikara watched him with an eyebrow raised, saying nothing as he stumbled with his words.  _ Shit, did I fu-- Wait a sec. _ He recognized that amused smirk. "You're just watching me make an ass of myself ‘cause you're a sadist."

"Maybe."

Ryuu grabbed the back of Chikara's neck, pulling him into a brief but forceful kiss. Chikara curled his fingers into Ryuu's shirt, keeping close after Ryuu broke away. Chikara bit his lip, brows furrowed. Ryuu brought his thumb to Chikara's lip, gently pushing down away from the teeth. "I know that look. What's on your mind, Chika?"

"It feels like we're just picking up from where we left off before."

"What's wrong with that?"

"I don't know. But I wonder, is that what should we be doing?"

Ryuu laughed, tightly wrapping his arms around Chikara. "Hard not to fall back into it when some things don't change. Like you  _ still _ worrying too much. What we had before was good. We didn't have a big fight or anythin' like that. Just had to spend some time apart."

"It's not that simple, Ryuu."

"Why not? Tell me what's so complicated now."

"I hurt you. I didn't even try--"

"You still on that?" Ryuu pressed his forehead against Chikara's. "You know what I think? I think you were right to do what you did. I think it woulda been too much for us after a while. And if that happened, you probably wouldn't be here in my arms right now. So yeah, it hurt like hell. But it was worth it. Cause you're here now, right where you belong."

Chikara slid his hands up Ryuu's chest, resting on the back of his neck. "So you're saying we should just... jump right back into things like they were before? Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I'm sayin' we don't overthink it. We just keep being us. And if that means jumpin' headfirst into stupid choices or just pickin' up where we left off, well, we spent four years apart and that wasn't enough to stop us from ending up right back here. So let's be stupid. Let's be reckless. And if we run into trouble, we'll work through it just fine. ‘Cause if four years proved anything, it's that we're too crazy about each other for this to go any other way."

When Chikara kissed him, it was the type of kiss Ryuu had always been weakest to. There was a boldness to the kiss that showed Chikara was in charge of it, every movement from the fingers on Ryuu's jaw to the flick of his tongue slow and deliberate. He only broke away when he was certain Ryuu was breathless. "It's just hard for me to believe that this is happening sometimes. Did I ever tell you just how happy seeing you at school made me? Knowing you still had feelings for me, I... It helped carry me through when times were tough. It gave me something more to look forward to."

"You thought about me all that time?"

"Every day." Chikara tilted his head to steal another kiss.  

Ryuu kissed back, tasting Chikara's content sigh. It was hard for Ryuu to believe it was happening too, to think Chikara still wanted him the way he wanted Chikara. "I thought about you every day, too. So stop your worryin' and overthinking cause I'm here to stay."

"I'll hold you to that."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5/7 of mega update ->


	19. IV. Our Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6/7 of mega update
> 
> **Warnings for this chapter:** NSFW between "Chikara grabbed his wrist, leading him" and "Chikara paced back and forth, arms crossed in front of his chest."
> 
> There is also a **coming out** scene, if that makes you uncomfortable, skip between "We can leave if you want," and "Chikara sighed, planting his face on the table in front of him."

"I'm taking Asa-chan with me!"

"When are ya guys coming back?"

"I don't think he means temporarily, Ryuu."

Ryuu looked from Chikara, to Noya, to Asahi before tilting his head. "Eh?"

Asahi kept his attention on his hands, wringing them nervously. "I'm moving with Yuu-kun in three weeks."  

Asahi was... leaving? No, that couldn't be right. If Asahi wasn't near, how could they give each other guilty grins when sneaking junk food into the shopping cart? How could they cuddle up together on rainy days and watch shitty romance flicks? How could he burst into Asahi's room just to show him cute animal videos at ungodly hours?

Noya placed a hand over Asahi's, giving him a reassuring smile. When Asahi smiled back and the anxious motion of his hands ceased, Ryuu realized it wasn't about him and Asahi, but about Asahi and Noya now. His friends had a new life to start together. "I'm gonna miss ya, Asa-chan."  

"I'm sure you don't need me to tell you to be careful about this." Chikara spun on his stool by the kitchen counter where his laptop sat. "Do you each have a backup plan in case anything happens?"

"What are ya implying?" Noya snarled.

Chikara ignored Noya's irritation. "I'm implying you should be responsible with this. I think the two of you will be fine, but don't be completely reckless either. And Ryuu, what will you do now that your roommate is leaving?"

"Damn it, Chika. He just told me about this. How am I supposed to know?"  

"Can you afford this place on your own?"

Leave it to Chikara to ask important questions that distracted him from the fact Asahi was mov-- Maybe that was Chikara's intention.Ryuu would rather not dwell on him leaving yet. "Easily. Gonna feel empty, though. Might need a roommate just to annoy." With Ryuu distracted, Noya dragged Asahi out of the apartment by the hand. Asahi gave a small nod and wave before closing the door.  

_ Wait.  _ There was someone else in the room who had been looking for his own place. "Hey, Chika," he purred, walking over to him. "Heard you were apartment hunting."

"You're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting."

Ryuu rested his legs between Chikara's against the stool. He placed his arms on the counter behind Chikara, trapping and forcing his boyfriend to look up at his devious smirk. "C'mon, Chika."

"Ryuu, it's only been a few weeks."

"Be a little reckless for once, Chika." He grazed his teeth against the spot on Chikara's neck that always got a reaction from him.

He gasped, tilting his head to give Ryuu better access. "Don't think you can seduce me into making poor choices."

"You're going to be here all the time anyways. Why spend the extra money?" He nipped at the skin on Chikara's neck.

"That's not completely right, but -  _ ah _ \- does make a bit of sense."

"And your mum wouldn't be suspicious of ya coming here all the time."

"I hate to admit it, but that makes sense, too."

"You'll have your own room. Not that you'd use it. Could make it an office." Ryuu dragged his tongue up Chikara's neck, pleased to hear him inhale sharply.

"I  _ could _ make you sleep on the couch when I'm mad."  

"You won't need to buy extra furniture."

"I could kiss you before you go to work at ridiculous hours."

"We could argue over the TV and the air conditioner."

"We can screw up cooking together."

Ryuu kissed his jaw. "Sounds like you're up for a little recklessness after all."  

"I'm going to regret this, aren't I? Take me to  _ our _ bed before I change my mind."

* * *

 

After constant reassurances they'd visit - and enough tears from both Asahi and Ryuu to fill a fish tank - Noya and Asahi departed. Chikara wasted no time moving his stuff in, not giving Ryuu the chance to mope about being lonely.

"Why'd you bring your bed, Chika?" The bed was meant for one, and made the room look much larger than when Asahi occupied it.  

"Appearances. If someone visits, especially my parents, I think not having my own bed would set off a few warning flags."

Ryuu grumbled into Chikara's shoulder. "But you're not gonna use it, right?"

"I might."

"Chikara," Ryuu whined.

Chikara grabbed his wrist, leading him to the bed and pushing Ryuu onto his back. "It has its advantages." Ryuu situated himself in the center of the small bed, and Chikara crawled on top of him, straddling his waist and pinning Ryuu's wrists to the bed. Chikara's kiss was slow, searching Ryuu's mouth with deliberate strokes of his tongue. He moved to Ryuu's neck, sucking on the skin. Ryuu tried to move his hands, and Chikara pushed more weight against his wrists and nipped at his neck. Ryuu couldn't help his whimper; he loved when Chikara was controlling. With how hard he was already growing, there was no mistaking Chikara knew it, too. Chikara only moved his hands to pull Ryuu's shirt off, quickly bringing one back to a wrist and the other down to Ryuu's belt buckle. Lost in their kiss, Ryuu paid little attention to the hand struggling with his buckle before it made its way back up his arm. Chikara pulled Ryuu's arms further above his head, and Ryuu complied, distracted by the tongue against his own. Ryuu broke the kiss when he felt a tightness around his wrists, looking up to see them secured by his belt to a peg in the headboard. "Is this alright?" Chikara asked hesitantly.

"God, yes," Ryuu groaned, jerking his hips up against Chikara.  

Chikara leaned back down to kiss him, lightly scraping his nails down Ryuu's arms. Ryuu jerked his hips up again, seeking friction. Chikara pulled off of him, making Ryuu whimper at the loss of contact. He pulled Ryuu's pants and boxers off, leaving him naked and pulling against the restraints. Chikara hovered over him, sliding a hand down Ryuu's chest. Ryuu arched his back to press into the touch. "You really like this, don't you?" Words failed Ryuu, only able to respond with another low whimper. "I'll take that as a yes." Chikara lightly trailed a fingertip up Ryuu's cock to make him gasp.  

"D-Don't tease, Chikara."   

Chikara pulled off his own shirt before leaning down to kiss Ryuu's chest. He continued lower, leaving a trail of wet kisses until he reached Ryuu's navel. Ryuu thrust up, desperate for contact against his cock. Chikara pinned his hips down. "Behave, Ryuunosuke." He licked around Ryuu's navel before nipping just below, leaving another trail of kisses as he worked his way down. Ryuu squirmed against his hold, his cock twitching from anticipation.  

Chikara looked up at him with a devious glint in his eye before pressing his lips to the base of Ryuu's cock. He licked a thick strip up Ryuu's shaft, leaving a messy trail of saliva dripping down. Ryuu shuddered, clenching his teeth and pulling at the belt holding his wrists. Chikara traced around the head of his cock with his tongue before licking it, looking Ryuu directly in the eyes before taking him into his mouth. The movement was slow, his tongue exploring as he eventually made his way down as deep as he could take him. Chikara hummed around his cock, the vibrations almost too much to handle. "Chikara, stop, I'm gonna--"

Chikara grabbed the base of his cock tightly, sucking as he pulled off. "Don't you dare come yet, Ryuu. Hold on, I need to get..." Chikara quickly stumbled out of the room, hastily returning with the bottle of lube.  

When Chikara struggled to remove his pants, fingers shaking, Ryuu realized Chikara must have been enjoying it as much as he was. He was harder than Ryuu had ever seen him before. Chikara pumped himself once, twice, exhaling from the temporary relief. Chikara situated himself back on top of Ryuu, sitting on his chest. He poured lube on his fingers before reaching behind himself, holding onto the headboard with his clean hand for balance. He gasped at his own touch, angling himself so his cock rested on Ryuu's lips. 

Ryuu gladly took the hint, taking Chikara's cock into his mouth. He missed the feeling of Chikara filling his mouth, the dab of salty precum on his tongue. Even better was the feeling of Chikara thrusting unsteadily into his mouth. Chikara worked on stretching himself until he was ready, pulling away from Ryuu's mouth reluctantly.  

Ryuu gasped at the feel of Chikara's hand on to his cock as Chikara settled himself back over his lap, lining up Ryuu's cock to his entrance. Chikara lowered himself down onto Ryuu's cock, grabbing the headboard for balance again. Ryuu pulled at the hold on his wrist, instinctively wanting to grab Chikara's waist and snap his hips up.  

But Chikara riding him was even better. He moved his hips perfectly, falling into a steady and rough rhythm. The sight was absolutely incredible, with Chikara arching his back and stroking himself, panting and moaning as he bounced on Ryuu's cock. Chikara built up his pace, riding him faster until he began to tremble. Ryuu shuddered beneath him, feeling himself draw closer, shakily trying to thrust upwards. "Chika, I'm gonna--"

"Come inside me, Ryuu," Chikara demanded, grinding down on him. Ryuu's body shook as he came, and Chikara followed, clenching around him and coming on Ryuu's stomach.

Chikara struggled to undo the belt around Ryuu's wrists, panting as he caught his breath. "I'm sorry, I was too rough." He brought one of Ryuu's wrists marked from the belt to his lips, kissing gently.  

"Nah, it was perfect. C'mere." He pulled Chikara down to kiss him briefly. "We're definitely doing that again."

Chikara rested his head on Ryuu's shoulder. "So you're into bondage. Any other kinks I need to know about?"

"I'm sure we'll find plenty of weird shit I'm into."

"Somehow I don't doubt that."

* * *

 

Chikara paced back and forth, arms crossed in front of his chest. "Maybe we should go back."

"We can leave if you want, but it's never gonna stop buggin' ya." 

Chikara continued pacing through the small room, staring a hole through his mother's tea table. "What time is it?" he asked for the fifth time in two minutes. Chikara's mother was to meet them in twenty minutes, and in his nervousness, they showed up far too early.  

Ryuu grabbed his arms, forcing Chikara to look at him. "You can do this, Chika." He rubbed his thumbs on Chikara's arms, feeling him loosen up a little. "And I'm right here with ya. You're not alone."

Chikara closed his eyes and exhaled deeply, dropping his arms to wrap them around Ryuu instead. "I appreciate it, but you don't need to be here for this. This is my problem."

Ryuu rubbed Chikara's back. "Nope. Your problems are my problems, too. We're in this together, alright? No matter how this plays out, it's for both of us to deal with."

Chikara rested his head on Ryuu's shoulder. "If it gets awkward, I wouldn't blame you in the slightest for heading out."

"I don't scare so easily. Besides, you're stuck with me, remember? That means in times like this, too."

"Remind me again why I'm doing this."

"Because it's been buggin' the shit outta you for far too long, and it's not gonna stop until ya get it over with."

"You're right." Chikara lifted his head to face Ryuu. "Thank you." He leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on Ryuu's lips.

_ "Chikara?" _

Well, that was one way to come out to your parents.

 

Ryuu wished they were dealing with his father - Chikara got his soft smile from his dad. His mother, on the other hand, remained expressionless. They sat at the small table, Chikara answering her questions with a similarly stern expression, holding his ground. 'It's not a choice', 'it's not a phase', 'yes I'm sure it's not a choice', 'I've always felt this way'... The common questions with the common answers sounded more like a test review between the two. Ryuu felt out of place in the tense atmosphere, able to do little more than squeeze Chikara's hand under the table for reassurance. But when his mother asked Ryuu to leave, they both refused. He thought maybe he caught a hint of approval at their stubbornness, but he knew it could be little more than wishful thinking.

She was quiet for a few painstakingly slow minutes before addressing him. "Ryuunosuke-kun. You seem intent to stay by his side." 

"I am, ma'am."

"Do you love him?"

He hadn't told him yet since they began dating again, but the answer was too obvious to him. "I do love him." Chikara's stern expression shattered, replaced with stunned, wide eyes. Ryuu grinned at his surprised look despite the third pair of eyes on them.

"Do you intend to take care of him?"

"Without a doubt."

Chikara's mother grew quiet again, her gaze returning to the table. Chikara squeezed Ryuu's hand, rubbing his thumb over Ryuu's knuckles.

"You truly cannot change your mind, Chikara?"

"No. I would not choose your disapproval if I had the ability. I hope you can grow to accept that this is me."

"Maybe one day." She stood up, looking down at them. "I do not understand it, and I wish you could change your mind. But I am not the one living in your shoes. Ryuunosuke-kun, that boy is still my son. If you hurt him, prepare to face a mother's wrath." She nodded to them before turning away and leaving the room.

Chikara sighed, planting his face on the table in front of him. "It's done. I did it. I actually said it.  And it wasn't too horrible."

"I told ya you could do it. How do you feel?"

Chikara turned to him, his cheek smooshed against the wood. "Nervous. Relieved. Terrified. Ecstatic."

"Those don't fit together. Pick one."

"No. How do you feel?"

"Same as you probably, just not as much. More terrified, though. Your mom just threatened me."

"That was the good part." Chikara stood, offering him a hand. When he pulled Ryuu up, he held him tightly, hiding his face in the crook of his neck. "Thank you for staying with me."

"You did the same for me. Sorta."

"I thought we agreed to not bring up Saeko catching us."

Ryuu laughed, pulling away but grabbing his hand. "C'mon, let's go back to our place."

"Hey, Ryuu?"

"Yeah, Chika?"

"I love you, too." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6/7 of mega update ->


	20. V. Our Promise

"Just in time. Interview you did this afternoon's 'bout to start."

Chikara threw his bag and jacket on the floor carelessly before slipping his arms around Ryuu's waist from behind and resting his chin on his shoulder. Ryuu couldn't argue about where he threw his things; Chikara was messier, but he was also more likely to clean up after them.

Ryuu grabbed the hands resting on his stomach, excited when the screen changed to show Chikara sitting across from his interviewer. The movie he had worked on the past two years had been an underground hit - its focus was on action, but the romance between the lead character and her childhood friend, also female, was what really caught everyone's attention. The concept wasn't completely uncommon, but something about its portrayal in the movie caught the interest of a niche but passionate audience. And though he was only working as an assistant director, he wrote most of the script, leaving many eyes on him.  

"Do I really sound like that?"

"Yup."

Ryuu laughed at the grimace he caught in the corner of his eye.  

Though it was only the second project Chikara had been a part of, it still felt rewarding to see him get recognition since he started with the studio three years ago. Three years of staying late at work, three years of sacrificing time off because everything needed to be just right, three years of putting in his all because he was a perfectionist and would take nothing less.

Three years of living together, three years of teasing and laughing at each other, three years of sharing meals and baths. Three years of morning kisses, amazing sex, and bickering over silly things just to make up later. Three years and Chikara still made his heart race at the sight of him, still stole his breath away with his kisses, still gave him butterflies when he whispered "I love you" at night before they fell asleep in each other's arms.  

The studio needed Chikara to travel from time to time, but he always came back to Ryuu's arms. And it gave him time for other things - three years of Ryuu insistently taking Chikara's mother out to breakfast when Chikara was out of town earned him her approval (and embarrassing childhood stories to hold over Chikara's head).  

"Chiyo's vow seemed to really charm the fans. Why do you think that is?" the interviewer asked, and the Chikara on the screen hesitated.

"Because in Japan, by law, they can't get married. But that doesn't make their love or their promises to each other any less significant. What's important about marriage isn't a legal document or sharing names, but the vow they make to each other to spend their lives together."

"I understand there was something else you wanted to add to that, Ennoshita-san."

"Yes." The Chikara on the screen refused to look at the camera, gripping his legs tightly. In the living room, Ryuu felt Chikara's hands on his stomach tremble. "My boyfriend has done so much for me since I met him, and he's always stood by me, even when the path was difficult. I don't think there's enough time in one life to show him how much he means to me, but I'd like to try."  

_There's no way, he's not really going to ask--_ Ryuu felt his own hands shaking, his breath picking up speed. Even if it was an unpopular channel with few people watching, Chikara just mentioned a boyfriend _on TV,_ and was he really implying--

"So, if you're watching this, Ryuunosuke... Will you marry me?"

Ryuu spun to face Chikara quickly, barely having time to recognize the nervous look in his eyes before grabbing the back of his neck. "Yes!" He pulled Chikara into a rough kiss, Chikara's shaky hands resting on his own. "Yes," he repeated before deepening the kiss. Chikara sighed, the tremor of his hands stopping. Ryuu could feel Chikara smiling against his lips.  

Ryuu eventually pulled away to see Chikara blushing and breathless. "You ready to put up with me for the rest of your life, Chika?"

"I can always count on you to make a proposal sound like a threat."

Ryuu laughed, kissing him again, softer this time. "You love me for it."

Chikara smiled at him, rubbing his thumb over Ryuu's wrist. "Evidently."  

* * *

 

Ryuu thought he might be nervous, standing before his fiance in front of his friends and family on their wedding day, but he only felt excitement, the reassurance that the absolutely stunning man before him was going to be his for the rest of their lives.

He wasn't even nervous that he forgot the vows he wrote, and the paper he wrote it on conveniently missing.

"You forgot, didn't you?" Chikara whispered. He had every right to be angry, instead he simply looked amused, smiling softly.

Ryuu couldn't get enough of it. "Every word," he confessed, giving a bashful grin in return. Memorizing his lines was half the battle. The other half was not blanking out when his cue came.

"I figured this would happen." Hushed words with no edge to them, only playful teasing.  

A polite cough was heard from nearby, urging them to continue. "Then you got a plan?" Ryuu whispered back.

Chikara shrugged. "I like when you improvise."

He shouldn't be surprised that Chikara knew him well enough to expect this. "You're the best. I'll make this up to you later."

"Sure. We've got plenty of time."

Ryuu cleared his throat, searching for the words he wanted to say. Words weren't his specialty, but that was alright; Chikara didn't mind, and that's all that mattered right now. Chikara could worry about being the smart one.

Maybe that was a good place to start. "Chikara, when I fell in love with you, it wasn't just cause you're damn good looking." A terrible place to start, he knew, but Chikara's face instantly growing red was _so_ worth it. "It was because of who you are, and how you complete me. You cover all my weaknesses with your strengths. You're calm when I'm too fired up, honest when I need it, and understanding when I've forgotten my lines in front of a bunch of people."

Ryuu could hear the amused snickering from some of the crowd, but also from Chikara who smiled at him with pink cheeks. "So I vow to complete you the way you complete me. I vow to love you for the rest of our lives. I vow to make you happy and take care of you. I vow to protect you and stand by you no matter what happens. And I vow to give you a lifetime of trouble."

Ryuu dropped his voice to a whisper. "How was that?"

"Probably better than anything you wrote before," Chikara whispered back.

"Hey, I worked hard on that. Can we do the kissing part yet?"

"What's the rush? We've got the rest of our lives."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PEOPLE DREW AMAZING ART HOLY SHIT CHECK IT OUT this is the greatest thing to ever happen to me  
> [Tanaka's fave Guilty Gear](http://shirarty.tumblr.com/post/144533356884/ino-shita-gift-for-kenma-irl-for-their) by [shirarty](http://shirarty.tumblr.com/)  
> [Chapter 2, First Meeting](http://starlity.tumblr.com/post/144534335467/on-a-fic-rec-roll-so-i-might-as-well-show-my) by [starlity](http://starlity.tumblr.com/)  
> [Chapter 10, and other amazing EnnoTana fics you should totally read](http://starlity.tumblr.com/post/145437885242/its-56-so-i-have-an-excuse-ok-heres-a-quartet) by [starlity](http://starlity.tumblr.com/)  
> [Tanaka's first "I love you"](http://lunlucy.tumblr.com/post/153575948030/tanaenno-3-i-just-think-they-are-freaking-cute) by [lunlucy](http://lunlucy.tumblr.com/)  
> [Tanaka says "yes!"](http://lunlucy.tumblr.com/post/154031981905/tanaka-says-yes-ennotana-from-learning-us) by [lunlucy](http://lunlucy.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Though of course hopefully one day that can get legally married, the promise they make to each other is just as - if not more - important. And now [SocialJusticeUshiwaka](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialJusticeUshiwaka) can't hit me in the balls with a wiffle bat cause I wrote the thing.
> 
> Thank you so much to my beta-readers, [SocialJusticeUshiwaka](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SocialJusticeUshiwaka) and [Sashimae](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Sashimae) for helping me with this. 
> 
> AND **THANK YOU ENDLESSLY** to those who commented and gave kudos, it really helped me stay encouraged. I truly can't thank you enough.
> 
> writing blog: [glitch-writes](http://glitch-writes.tumblr.com)  
> personal blog: [ennotanafuta](http://ennotanafuta.tumblr.com)  
> personal twitter: [ennotanafuta](https://twitter.com/ennotanafuta)


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